End of my rope...I want nothing more to do with him

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by DammitJanet, Sep 4, 2008.

  1. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Huge assed blow out tonite and I lost it completely.

    It all started out pretty calmly. I was using my techniques to the best of my ability as far as not engaging in whatever bs encompassed the drama that seems to just be Cory these days. Im doing a lot of Hmmm'ing and well whatever's. Also lots of mentally counting down days.

    Well there were a few odd things that happened tonight that just struck me as strange. First thing was that when I got home from therapy and running to the grocery store was coming home and finding what I thought to be an empty house but the house phone had been connect to my computer line. I also noticed that Mandy's school bag was on the couch. Ok...I figured that they had been home and left but I decided to do a room check because Ryan was on the phone and had called looking for Cory. I found Mandy sound asleep in one of the bedrooms but no cory. Hmmm...ok. By the way...another thing that irks me....they take up two whole bedrooms. We just put up that air mattress for jamie in the room we are using for Keyana but because they have already ruined TWO air mattresses they have now taken over that room two...instead of just moving that air mattress back into the room that they were originally using.. Idiots.

    Ok...still no Cory. This was about 5ish.

    I go into my room because I have a killer headache. About 6ish or so, Cory wanders in looking for a towel. He asks me if I wondered where he had been all day or if I even cared. I just shrugged and said...no, not really. He announced he had been out working. Ok I said and went back to laying in the dark watching tv. Bully for him. Did he want a cookie? So I kept staying in my room resting.

    About 7ish, I hear two beeps from a 4wheeler and can hear the motor. I was on the potty so when I finished I got up and went to answer the door. No one there. I look out the back window and dont see anyone but by the time I get back across the living room to head for my bedroom again, in comes Dallas asking me where Cory was. I told him I dont know. Cory was here a bit earlier but darned if I can keep up with him. Dallas walks back to mandy and asks her where he went. She claims she doesnt know. Who knows. Dallas tells me he just saw the PO leaving out our driveway. I asked him if anyone was with the PO and he said no. Hmmm. Well ok. Dont know what to tell anyone.

    Beats me, I didnt hear him beep or knock. Cory wasnt here anyway. Not my problem. Told Dallas about the pawned gun and dallas nearly freaked. Said Cory has done it now. Yeppers.

    Then a few minutes later this guy across the street comes over. This guy is completely illiterate. Cant read a lick. Something is going on in that family with legal problems in the family that I dont completely understand and it has to do with the elderly father and this guy is scared someone wants to kill him. Everyone seems to want to take out papers against everyone else...blah blah blah. Pitiful case. I think APS needs to get involved. The guy who came over wanted me to look at this bunch of papers. I thought I was going to be looking at some legal stuff and instead it was a ton of medical reports. About a quarter inch full of medical files! I really dont know why I needed to see this stuff...lol.

    While I was reading this stuff I was also trying to finish dinner so I called out to Cory to put the breadsticks in the oven. He called back something that I couldnt quite make out. It really sounded to me like " mumble mumble get phone" so I started down the hallway asking again, what? I get right to his door and he yells...I said I was busy! And I looked in and he was busy alright...busy rolling a joint in MY bedroom which is against my rules which he has been told at least 40 thousand times. I lost it.

    I turned around and went to the front door and yelled for Tony to get him back in the house. While Tony was coming in and turned to Cory and told him he had just violated that particular rule for the absolutely last time in my house. I had completely had it with him thinking my rules didnt apply to him because he was somehow special. I said this is MY house and My rules go in this house. He spouted off something about how he was in HIS room and I shouldnt have gone into his room. I said...any and every room in MY house is owned by me. My name is on the title to this house and therefore all rooms in this house are my property. Dont like it, get out...NOW! Then he started to get even worse. He started to say how this house wasnt really mine...that my mother bought this house.

    Oh dont even go there. I said...I earned every last penny that paid for this house. I took care of my mom when she was sick, I lived with that woman for 21 years before I managed to escape her abuse and then when she got sick and had no where elsle to go to be taken care of, I gave up my career to take in the woman who had abused my in more ways than I can even list to take care of her. I earned every penny to pay for this house. (Yes I was screaming) Then he said...oh so you are going to leave me something when you die? Oh hell no! Number one I wouldnt allow you to take care of me on a bet and number two, you have already stolen everything you could possibly get! Then he started in on...well you werent abused. Oh no he didnt...he didnt go there...he couldnt have gone there. He said he was whipped too.

    I said Cory...you dont even know what abuse is. You may have received spankings and whippings when you absolutely deserved it but you know nothing about being abused. I was abused. I was abused from infancy on. I was beat while naked, I was molested, I was pimped out from the age of 14. I was raped. You know nothing about that. But you know what Cory...I hope with every fiber of my being that when you go to jail and prison that you find out just what abuse is. I hope that you are raped, sodomized and beaten to within and inch of your life continously. I hope you learn what the difference is between punishment and abuse is because what we did was attempt to raise you and it didnt work. I was abused. You werent...but I hope you get abused. And Cory...I have been mad at you before...but now...I have never hated you before and I do now. You lumped me in with my mother and I am not my mother. I will never be my mother. Dont even bother expecting me to ever be your mother again. You just lost me.
  2. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Janet...I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to say. Many many hugs.
  3. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Oh, Janet.

    One word. DETACH.


    Hugs, Abbey
  4. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Janet - Cory has been a royal pain in the arse this week. And that's very much an understatement. You were bound to hit the end of your rope sooner or later. I wouldn't have lasted near this long.

    As I've said, my hope for you is to have peace in your home. Regardless of how you accomplish this, you deserve to have peace - for your own emotional and mental well-being - and just because you've done your tour of raising kids. It's your turn now. This is your and Tony's time.

    I have that song in my head....

    Hit the road, Jack
    And don't come back no more, no more, no more, no more......
  5. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Do you know what I just thought about? It seems like Cory has really been escalating in the last week. Think he's starting to freak out over his upcoming 30 days?

    Not that it's an excuse, but it just occurred to me....
  6. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Oh Janet. I'm so very sorry. I don't know what to say.
    Sending hugs.
  7. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Janet.. so many of us have been there, that last straw breaking us down, turning us into screaming ranting crazy mothers (how could we not be driven crazy?!)

    Many hugs to you. I completely understand. Take deep breaths ...
  8. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Oh, hon, I'm so sorry. Sorry for Cory's arrogance and stupidity. Sorry for the anger and pain he caused you.

    From what I know of you, you're going to regret the things you said to him and you're going to feel bad. When that time comes, remember how hard he pushed you and why you got so angry and then forgive yourself.

  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    There are a few huge triggers for me in my life. One of which is my mother. She was my main abuser in my life. I have been in therapy for the last several years to try and work through that. No one...but no one...had better ever compare me to her because I have worked too damned hard to convince myself that I AM NOT MY MOTHER! I am just now getting to the point where I can say to myself that I am not a worthless piece of you know what because that is what she always told me. I dont need someone I gave birth to undoing what I have worked so hard to overcome. I wont allow it.

    I dissolved into tears on my bed last night shaking while Tony held me as I said over and over...how dare he...how F'ing dare he! I AM NOT MY MOTHER! Tony just kept repeating over and over...no honey...you arent, you were a good mother, you were nothing like her, you did everything you could do for him.

    I dont think I can ever feel the same way about him again. He crossed a line with me that can never be uncrossed.
  10. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Hugs Janet~I'm so sorry for everything, for Cory, for the scars from your Mother, for your feelings of anger, hurt and frustration, just everything. I hope you experience peace real soon.
  11. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    I wish I had read your post and thought to myself that I knew exactly what to say to you. Maybe i have something that can help you understand you are not alone.

    Our children seem to have an innate ability to hyperfocus on the ONE thing that will trigger a hurtful memory, feeling and then stand back like a fire starter and get their fire. THEN they sit back and roast us like marshmallows.

    I wouldn't know that unless I lived with one. One that seems to, on occasion teeter between being kind and horribly mean. Personally - over the years you have told us about your Mom, and her mental illness and her treatment of you. I feel sorry that I can't explain to Dude any better than I can you, that his Father's mental illness doesn't make him LIKE him in any way.

    I think you know this, even without getting ripped about it. What I DO KNOW is that in the last week, month, 18 years.....You've had an incredible amount on your plate with your own kids - let alone what you survived and overcame with your childhood.

    You're a good person- I like you, and while I "wish" that that would be enough for you to go "Oh okay Star, Gosh yes I see, you are right I am not a bad Mom, silly me for thinking and letting Cory (of all people) to get the best of me." I know what you are going through.

    So kid - I'm another oar in the boat. Which; techincally means now you won't row in circles - we'll just keep going and see where we get.

    ROWING ON .........
    Hugs & Love
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    I am so sorry. He certainly knows how to cause pain, doesn't he? Of course you are a good mom. You have worked so very hard to break the cycle of abuse so that your kids had a chance to live without the legacy of pain you endured.

    What a jerk Cory is being, to even DARE to treat you this way!!! He really has nerve - rolling a joint in your home and then getting mad at YOU???

    Sending hugs for your tired, sore heart.
  13. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    You need to get Cory out of your house......You have been thru so much and have turned into a caring human being (with your caring comments and post on this board alone). Many, when given your background would have simply crawled into a hole and pulled it in after them. Cory has pushed and pushed. You have reached your point of "NO MORE". You need a break from him and I think you will be surprised at how calm your life will become if/when he is living elsewhere. Sending you peace and hoping that you can move him out of your home. He's reached your "bottom"......
  14. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I wish I could say that I didn't know how it feels. I do. The only thing I can say is that you are lucky enough that your mother is dead, instead of having to put up with Cory telling you that you haven't done enough to repair your relationship with your mom and her posse because she's a sick old woman. That's the argument I have with L every 8 to 18 months lately. And it always ends up with me screaming "I don't do it because I hate those people! They're garbage to me! I don't care if they all drop dead tomorrow, and if it's a long and painful death all the better!" This, by the way, is my version of falling for L's crud the way that you fell for Cory's with "I hope you are abused!"

    They went too far. They're trying to be superior to us. They are not superior to us. I think it's this thing where we have been belittled by our families in front of them for so long, that even though they know it's not true, they also know that they have never been belittled like that, and they aren't half the people we are or even were as parents to them. Yet there they sit with no job and no prospects or on their way to jail (L isn't because her dad's an attorney if you ask me) and they can't believe that they are in that position when they've been hearing crud about you your whole life. Why aren't you in jail? Why are you living a decent life? They've got to take you down a notch.

    I know that you mean you won't ever forgive him. I feel the same about L. My respect for her is non-existent. She's nearly 25 years old, has lied to everyone about every aspect of her life, has no job, lives with a sugar daddy, and is being supplemented by her father who has been giving her money to live on her own since she was 17. She's snotty and steals from her family because she believes that she is entitled to anything that she wants without so much as asking or earning.

    Does it feel bad? Yep. It feels bad. Is it wrong? I don't think so. I think that when you learn to protect yourself from your family, and to no longer be their scapegoat, it is beyond the pale to hear that garbage from your child's mouth. Especially when that child is the one that you gave up your dignity for so many times. Because your child is no longer "a child". They're adults, and they're nasty pieces of work and they went too far.

    So, that's my theory. Aside from that, in all practicality, if catch him in your house with dope again in that short amount of time Cory is with you, walk away and call 911. He doesn't deserve your protection. (Or did you kick him out? You didn't say...)
  15. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I understand.

    I don't know what else to say. Just knowing he had the guts to actually say that to you just leaves me speechless.

  16. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    A huge hug from me. These kids (men) are not right in the head, they don't care, not about you, your rules, or themselves. The main problem is that they don't care about themselves. Get him out of your home, let him see how you've "abused" him, housing him and his girlfriend!, feeding him, taking care of his child for him-of course she's you're GD, but you've done plenty. He's abused you, he has no gratitude, in fact- he steals from you-. I know exactly how you feel, because I'm right there myself- dissapointed mainly, and heartbroken.
  17. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    I'm sorry. How painful to be accused of being another version of the mother who abused you all those years. I know exactly what you mean. Just hang on to one fact: you are not your mother. You know it. No one can make it so.
  18. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    How is it that our kids can make us angrier than anyone else? When I was a kid, I promised myself that I would never swear. I made it until easy child was about 11 years old and that promise went out the window. No one on earth can make me as angry as my kids do.

    I am so sorry that Cory has pushed his limits too far. It is so hard when these bonds break. It hurts the most because the kids don't seem to care - they don't seem to feel the ripping of the bond. As we are hurting, they just walk away in anger not realizing what just happened.

    As others have said, time to Detach.
  19. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I knew you guys would understand..thanks for being here to listen to me vent. It means so much. I am simply counting down the hours. Literally.

    I really havent spoken but a few perfunctory words to him since this happened. I can hardly stand to even look at him. He did say something tonite that almost floored me. It was so completely off the wall that it made me question his touch with reality. I mean could the boy really be deluded?

    As you guys know we have these two hurricanes looming. Hannah and Ike. Cory is supposed to turn himself in to go to jail on monday. He actually said and I quote "I cant turn myself in to go to jail for my 30 days if we have a hurricane coming. I have loved ones to think about!" I almost swallowed my tongue! I literally had to get up off the couch and walk out of the room as I just dryly remarked "Hannah will be gone by Sunday and I dont think Ike will be a worry before you go in."

    Does he really think the cops give one iota about what he wants or thinks? Does he think they are going to ask his permission on a time frame? And...he has loved ones to worry about? If he was at all worried about loved ones he wouldnt be going to jail at all because his "loved ones" are his victims! Can we say DUH! He really must be delusional. How on earth could those words come out of his mouth so soon after what he said to me? It really makes no sense at all.

    He also thinks in his deluded little world that he is only going to pull 30 days. Hahaha. I havent said a word. Let them break that bad news to him. We tried to tell him one time the day he went to the pawn shop what kind of trouble he was in but since nothing else has been said or done on that end...it must all be forgotten. Ok...fine. He shall find out soon enough. All I can say is I am going to enjoy my long vacation from him. Long long vacation.
  20. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    OK, first off... Seriously. He thinks you guys need his 'help' in a hurricane? He is a hurricane!

    Second, if somehow the pawnshop and gun incident get past them when he turns himself in, are you going to see to it that they figure it out, one way or another? It may not catch up with him until he's been in and out for his 30 days stint...