Huge assed blow out tonite and I lost it completely. It all started out pretty calmly. I was using my techniques to the best of my ability as far as not engaging in whatever bs encompassed the drama that seems to just be Cory these days. Im doing a lot of Hmmm'ing and well whatever's. Also lots of mentally counting down days. Well there were a few odd things that happened tonight that just struck me as strange. First thing was that when I got home from therapy and running to the grocery store was coming home and finding what I thought to be an empty house but the house phone had been connect to my computer line. I also noticed that Mandy's school bag was on the couch. Ok...I figured that they had been home and left but I decided to do a room check because Ryan was on the phone and had called looking for Cory. I found Mandy sound asleep in one of the bedrooms but no cory. Hmmm...ok. By the way...another thing that irks me....they take up two whole bedrooms. We just put up that air mattress for jamie in the room we are using for Keyana but because they have already ruined TWO air mattresses they have now taken over that room two...instead of just moving that air mattress back into the room that they were originally using.. Idiots. Ok...still no Cory. This was about 5ish. I go into my room because I have a killer headache. About 6ish or so, Cory wanders in looking for a towel. He asks me if I wondered where he had been all day or if I even cared. I just shrugged and said...no, not really. He announced he had been out working. Ok I said and went back to laying in the dark watching tv. Bully for him. Did he want a cookie? So I kept staying in my room resting. About 7ish, I hear two beeps from a 4wheeler and can hear the motor. I was on the potty so when I finished I got up and went to answer the door. No one there. I look out the back window and dont see anyone but by the time I get back across the living room to head for my bedroom again, in comes Dallas asking me where Cory was. I told him I dont know. Cory was here a bit earlier but darned if I can keep up with him. Dallas walks back to mandy and asks her where he went. She claims she doesnt know. Who knows. Dallas tells me he just saw the PO leaving out our driveway. I asked him if anyone was with the PO and he said no. Hmmm. Well ok. Dont know what to tell anyone. Beats me, I didnt hear him beep or knock. Cory wasnt here anyway. Not my problem. Told Dallas about the pawned gun and dallas nearly freaked. Said Cory has done it now. Yeppers. Then a few minutes later this guy across the street comes over. This guy is completely illiterate. Cant read a lick. Something is going on in that family with legal problems in the family that I dont completely understand and it has to do with the elderly father and this guy is scared someone wants to kill him. Everyone seems to want to take out papers against everyone else...blah blah blah. Pitiful case. I think APS needs to get involved. The guy who came over wanted me to look at this bunch of papers. I thought I was going to be looking at some legal stuff and instead it was a ton of medical reports. About a quarter inch full of medical files! I really dont know why I needed to see this stuff...lol. While I was reading this stuff I was also trying to finish dinner so I called out to Cory to put the breadsticks in the oven. He called back something that I couldnt quite make out. It really sounded to me like " mumble mumble get phone" so I started down the hallway asking again, what? I get right to his door and he yells...I said I was busy! And I looked in and he was busy alright...busy rolling a joint in MY bedroom which is against my rules which he has been told at least 40 thousand times. I lost it. I turned around and went to the front door and yelled for Tony to get him back in the house. While Tony was coming in and turned to Cory and told him he had just violated that particular rule for the absolutely last time in my house. I had completely had it with him thinking my rules didnt apply to him because he was somehow special. I said this is MY house and My rules go in this house. He spouted off something about how he was in HIS room and I shouldnt have gone into his room. I said...any and every room in MY house is owned by me. My name is on the title to this house and therefore all rooms in this house are my property. Dont like it, get out...NOW! Then he started to get even worse. He started to say how this house wasnt really mine...that my mother bought this house. Oh dont even go there. I said...I earned every last penny that paid for this house. I took care of my mom when she was sick, I lived with that woman for 21 years before I managed to escape her abuse and then when she got sick and had no where elsle to go to be taken care of, I gave up my career to take in the woman who had abused my in more ways than I can even list to take care of her. I earned every penny to pay for this house. (Yes I was screaming) Then he said...oh so you are going to leave me something when you die? Oh hell no! Number one I wouldnt allow you to take care of me on a bet and number two, you have already stolen everything you could possibly get! Then he started in on...well you werent abused. Oh no he didnt...he didnt go there...he couldnt have gone there. He said he was whipped too. I said Cory...you dont even know what abuse is. You may have received spankings and whippings when you absolutely deserved it but you know nothing about being abused. I was abused. I was abused from infancy on. I was beat while naked, I was molested, I was pimped out from the age of 14. I was raped. You know nothing about that. But you know what Cory...I hope with every fiber of my being that when you go to jail and prison that you find out just what abuse is. I hope that you are raped, sodomized and beaten to within and inch of your life continously. I hope you learn what the difference is between punishment and abuse is because what we did was attempt to raise you and it didnt work. I was abused. You werent...but I hope you get abused. And Cory...I have been mad at you before...but now...I have never hated you before and I do now. You lumped me in with my mother and I am not my mother. I will never be my mother. Dont even bother expecting me to ever be your mother again. You just lost me.