Mom2oddson
Active Member
Since this isn't our first go-around on the "Kick Ant out of the House" you'd think it would get easier. Nope, not even a little bit.
....well, in a way it was. We didn't get pulled into his garbage as much and his deflextion tactics didn't work that well either. So in one way, it was easier, but it still leaves us feeling like we got hit by a bus.
On Wednesday I let him know that I was tired of him treating our home as a flop house or homeless shelter: just a place to crash when there was no better offer or when he wanted money. That night he showed up after I went to bed and was gone before I got back from work.
He was gone and there was no word until Friday night when he called to say he wouldn't be home that night. Whatever. Woke up Saturday morning with his car in the driveway but he was nowhere in sight. Sunday Morning, still hadn't seen him or heard from him.
So, I told husband that I was going to say something about it. husband said go for it. Sent Ant a text that said "What part of not treating my home as a flop house did you not understand? You need to sit down with your Dad and talk about the car"
Ant called husband. And it was all fu and shut the f up and you have no right to tell me anything. husband hung up. I sent a text saying that as long as we are providing your cell phone, co-signed on your car loan, got you on our car insurance and you are living in our house for free, we have all the rights to say how you will live your life.
His response was "I'll go live with crack-heads then". My response to that was "You are acting like one. And that only takes care of the living arrangements, which one is going to pay for your cell phone, put you on their insurance and take over as co-signer."
Got back "Just because I smoke pot you can't say I act like a crack-head".... My response. "I just finished paying off your rehab stay and you thank my kindness by smoking pot?"
To which came "Dad smokes pot!" My response "deflextion - the best defense when you don't have a snowballs chance in heck of proving your right".
My next response was "Your smoking pot was no shock. Your whole attitude changes when you smoke pot and I noticed the changes weeks ago. And it doesn't matter if the whole world is smoking pot, it doesn't excuse your actions. As long as you are legally tied to us (cell phone, car insurance, car loan, living in our house) we, your Dad & I have a say one what you do. We have worked too hard and too long to lose everything we have so that you can be stupid. I love you very much, but not enough to end up homeless. "
I got back a "I'm sorry Mom".... to which I responded "Sorry is just a word unless it is followed by actions. What actions are you going to take to PROVE that you are truely sorry".
We moved Ant's car to a safe location, and then we (including the dogs) left the house. We went to my folks. Then I took Grandma out to the casino. While I was gone, Ray called Ant to say "We need to talk" (second time he was told that we would be talking today)
So, last night, when we got home there was still nothing from Ant. So I sent a text of "when will you be here to talk?" He immediately called husband to say "Pick me up!" husband and I talked, made our decisions and met Ant. We picked him up and pulled into the nearest parking area and talked.
Ant was all attitude from the second he got into the car. Ant is great at not taking ANY responsibility and a master at deflextion. But we held our ground. Told him he was not going to use the car, in fact, he's to sign off his part of the car so it can be sold, ect.... husband made Ant give him his key to the car. Mr Attitude says "Fine! You WILL drive me everywhere I need to go!"...... "Ummm, no we aren't. You are no longer going to live with us, we are kicking you out."
And that came as a total shock to the kid. He thought saying FU and all the other stuff to his Dad would have no consequences.
But looking at Ant, we know that he is doing more than just pot. He's gone back down that road. And now we are stuck with having to make car payments on a car that we won't have total ownership on unless we can get the brat to sign off. This is part of the reason we haven't turned off his cell yet. Figure we need a way to get in touch with him until we get the car out of his name or a bribing tool to use until we get him to sign whatever we need him to sign.
Oh...and for those wondering..... I gave husband a HUGE "I TOLD YOU SO!!! From now on, listen to me!!" husband got the point and he also has an extra case of the guilts but that's good. It will remind him to listen to his wife!
I'm not going to be at peace until we get Ant's junk out of my house and the car out of his name.
But, I did have some fun with Ant's deflextions. Saying husband does Pot so therefore he can was a good one. I liked how he talked to a cop and had the cop give him a definition of a flop-house and couldn't use that word that way because I didn't know what I was talking about. Or how we don't know the law, if someone hits him no matter how high he is, he wouldn't get in trouble, he knows the law and we don't.
....well, in a way it was. We didn't get pulled into his garbage as much and his deflextion tactics didn't work that well either. So in one way, it was easier, but it still leaves us feeling like we got hit by a bus.
On Wednesday I let him know that I was tired of him treating our home as a flop house or homeless shelter: just a place to crash when there was no better offer or when he wanted money. That night he showed up after I went to bed and was gone before I got back from work.
He was gone and there was no word until Friday night when he called to say he wouldn't be home that night. Whatever. Woke up Saturday morning with his car in the driveway but he was nowhere in sight. Sunday Morning, still hadn't seen him or heard from him.
So, I told husband that I was going to say something about it. husband said go for it. Sent Ant a text that said "What part of not treating my home as a flop house did you not understand? You need to sit down with your Dad and talk about the car"
Ant called husband. And it was all fu and shut the f up and you have no right to tell me anything. husband hung up. I sent a text saying that as long as we are providing your cell phone, co-signed on your car loan, got you on our car insurance and you are living in our house for free, we have all the rights to say how you will live your life.
His response was "I'll go live with crack-heads then". My response to that was "You are acting like one. And that only takes care of the living arrangements, which one is going to pay for your cell phone, put you on their insurance and take over as co-signer."
Got back "Just because I smoke pot you can't say I act like a crack-head".... My response. "I just finished paying off your rehab stay and you thank my kindness by smoking pot?"
To which came "Dad smokes pot!" My response "deflextion - the best defense when you don't have a snowballs chance in heck of proving your right".
My next response was "Your smoking pot was no shock. Your whole attitude changes when you smoke pot and I noticed the changes weeks ago. And it doesn't matter if the whole world is smoking pot, it doesn't excuse your actions. As long as you are legally tied to us (cell phone, car insurance, car loan, living in our house) we, your Dad & I have a say one what you do. We have worked too hard and too long to lose everything we have so that you can be stupid. I love you very much, but not enough to end up homeless. "
I got back a "I'm sorry Mom".... to which I responded "Sorry is just a word unless it is followed by actions. What actions are you going to take to PROVE that you are truely sorry".
We moved Ant's car to a safe location, and then we (including the dogs) left the house. We went to my folks. Then I took Grandma out to the casino. While I was gone, Ray called Ant to say "We need to talk" (second time he was told that we would be talking today)
So, last night, when we got home there was still nothing from Ant. So I sent a text of "when will you be here to talk?" He immediately called husband to say "Pick me up!" husband and I talked, made our decisions and met Ant. We picked him up and pulled into the nearest parking area and talked.
Ant was all attitude from the second he got into the car. Ant is great at not taking ANY responsibility and a master at deflextion. But we held our ground. Told him he was not going to use the car, in fact, he's to sign off his part of the car so it can be sold, ect.... husband made Ant give him his key to the car. Mr Attitude says "Fine! You WILL drive me everywhere I need to go!"...... "Ummm, no we aren't. You are no longer going to live with us, we are kicking you out."
And that came as a total shock to the kid. He thought saying FU and all the other stuff to his Dad would have no consequences.
But looking at Ant, we know that he is doing more than just pot. He's gone back down that road. And now we are stuck with having to make car payments on a car that we won't have total ownership on unless we can get the brat to sign off. This is part of the reason we haven't turned off his cell yet. Figure we need a way to get in touch with him until we get the car out of his name or a bribing tool to use until we get him to sign whatever we need him to sign.
Oh...and for those wondering..... I gave husband a HUGE "I TOLD YOU SO!!! From now on, listen to me!!" husband got the point and he also has an extra case of the guilts but that's good. It will remind him to listen to his wife!
I'm not going to be at peace until we get Ant's junk out of my house and the car out of his name.
But, I did have some fun with Ant's deflextions. Saying husband does Pot so therefore he can was a good one. I liked how he talked to a cop and had the cop give him a definition of a flop-house and couldn't use that word that way because I didn't know what I was talking about. Or how we don't know the law, if someone hits him no matter how high he is, he wouldn't get in trouble, he knows the law and we don't.
