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Parent Emeritus
Ending one horrible journey, beginning another.
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<blockquote data-quote="nlj" data-source="post: 630013" data-attributes="member: 17650"><p>This is my experience. Lean into it and accept it. Look after yourself. You have been trying to help him for a long time, maybe it is time to let him find a way to help himself.</p><p></p><p>During dark days my son would often phone me or leave messages full of doom and gloom, saying he couldn't go on, etc. I would spend weeping days and sleepless nights in extreme anxious worry about him and his drama. Then I would hear from one of his siblings or a friend who had seen him and he was fine, bouncing around somewhere laughing and joking with friends. I came to the conclusion that I was his dumping ground for all his angst and that much of his behaviour with me was done for effect. I don't know why. He would throw all his anger, frustration, depression and negativity down the phone to me and that made him feel better I suppose. </p><p></p><p>I eventually learned to not take too much notice, to shield myself from the expectation of pity and sympathy and help that he, deliberately or not, elicited in me. He can take care of himself. He needs to do his own thing and take care of himself. </p><p></p><p>Try and keep busy, try and be nice to yourself, let the time pass until the hurt becomes a bit less, until you hear that he is ok.</p><p></p><p>x</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="nlj, post: 630013, member: 17650"] This is my experience. Lean into it and accept it. Look after yourself. You have been trying to help him for a long time, maybe it is time to let him find a way to help himself. During dark days my son would often phone me or leave messages full of doom and gloom, saying he couldn't go on, etc. I would spend weeping days and sleepless nights in extreme anxious worry about him and his drama. Then I would hear from one of his siblings or a friend who had seen him and he was fine, bouncing around somewhere laughing and joking with friends. I came to the conclusion that I was his dumping ground for all his angst and that much of his behaviour with me was done for effect. I don't know why. He would throw all his anger, frustration, depression and negativity down the phone to me and that made him feel better I suppose. I eventually learned to not take too much notice, to shield myself from the expectation of pity and sympathy and help that he, deliberately or not, elicited in me. He can take care of himself. He needs to do his own thing and take care of himself. Try and keep busy, try and be nice to yourself, let the time pass until the hurt becomes a bit less, until you hear that he is ok. x [/QUOTE]
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