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Parent Emeritus
Enough pain, lies and hurt - the boy needs to go.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 643468" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I just reread this thread and it occurred to me everyone, including me, is diagnosing your son. We can have our ideas due to our experiences and what we know, but none of us can diagnose. At your son's age, his diagnosis doesn't even really matter. If he, as a man, is incapable or unwilling to stop abusing you, doing criminal acts or breaking societal and house rules, you have no choice but to sit and decide what you can handle, how you want things to change, how far you are willing to go to change things, and setting boundaries for anyone you are in a relationship with is very important. Take care of YOU. You spend the better part of the past raising your son and perhaps other children. There comes a time when they have learned all we taught them and they can choose to listen to our lessons or disregard them and legally we have no control over how they choose to live.</p><p></p><p>But we can control what we are willing to put up with.</p><p></p><p>Only you can make that decision. Some of us have made our grown children leave, even if we knew they'd have to fend for themselves in homeless shelters or on the streets. Nobody does this lightly. It has to get really bad for it to come to this. Some put up with the abuse and try to encourage their adult kids to get help. That often doesn't work well, but it is something some parents do. It is always a good thing, in my opinion, to try to detach emotionally. That does not mean to stop the love. It just means to detach.</p><p></p><p>There is a wonderful detachment thread on the top of this page.</p><p></p><p>You can also join Al-Anon for support and good common sense help or get your own therapist to help you cope. The focus, for the majority of us here, is now on us. We are trying to live happy lives with peace and are sharing ways that we do that, in spite of having grown children who struggle. </p><p></p><p>I'm sorry this thread is so harsh, including my own thread. If your son wants a diagnosis, he can seek out a psychiatrist. There is nothing you can do about that either. Hugs!!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 643468, member: 1550"] I just reread this thread and it occurred to me everyone, including me, is diagnosing your son. We can have our ideas due to our experiences and what we know, but none of us can diagnose. At your son's age, his diagnosis doesn't even really matter. If he, as a man, is incapable or unwilling to stop abusing you, doing criminal acts or breaking societal and house rules, you have no choice but to sit and decide what you can handle, how you want things to change, how far you are willing to go to change things, and setting boundaries for anyone you are in a relationship with is very important. Take care of YOU. You spend the better part of the past raising your son and perhaps other children. There comes a time when they have learned all we taught them and they can choose to listen to our lessons or disregard them and legally we have no control over how they choose to live. But we can control what we are willing to put up with. Only you can make that decision. Some of us have made our grown children leave, even if we knew they'd have to fend for themselves in homeless shelters or on the streets. Nobody does this lightly. It has to get really bad for it to come to this. Some put up with the abuse and try to encourage their adult kids to get help. That often doesn't work well, but it is something some parents do. It is always a good thing, in my opinion, to try to detach emotionally. That does not mean to stop the love. It just means to detach. There is a wonderful detachment thread on the top of this page. You can also join Al-Anon for support and good common sense help or get your own therapist to help you cope. The focus, for the majority of us here, is now on us. We are trying to live happy lives with peace and are sharing ways that we do that, in spite of having grown children who struggle. I'm sorry this thread is so harsh, including my own thread. If your son wants a diagnosis, he can seek out a psychiatrist. There is nothing you can do about that either. Hugs!!!! [/QUOTE]
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Enough pain, lies and hurt - the boy needs to go.
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