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Entitlement and superiority in typical siblings of troubled kids
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 645325" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>GuideMe: Yes, my kiddies are very different people in many ways and mostly on the opposite spectrum of traditional popular-loser High School spectrum, though Ache's talent in sport did raise his 'social status' when he got older. The real difference between the two are social skills, especially peer skills, social conformity and things like that. In fact Ache is on or above average level in most skills just like Joy. Joy is smart (no idea about his IQ, in our system that is basically only tested if kid is in trouble) and has had it easy at school, Ache has very high IQ and can ace any test or exam and is very efficient learner, his school issues were about social and conformity issues.</p><p></p><p>Both have above average musical and artistic talent and are good with their hands (do well in crafts, drawing, things like that.) Both are nice church choir level singers and have enjoyed quality classical music education (read: mommy forced them to attend music school till they were 14-15 and finished level of diplomas that guarantee they can play an instrument well enough to entertain at home setting and have strong foundation in musical theory, Ache plays piano and Joy plays classical guitar.) Neither plays much themselves nowadays (only every now and then for their own enjoyment) but both listen a lot of music. Joy's involvement is more in the same level mine is: for us music is either pleasing to us or not, well done or not so good. Ache is more likely to have more emotional reactions to music. Joy liked to draw when younger, but seldom does it now for pleasure. Ache doodles a lot, puts more thought to photos he takes and so on. My dad (who is professional artist) seems to think Ache has quite good eye and if he would have passion could make something out of himself in art. But he doesn't have that passion. Neither has Joy.</p><p></p><p>In sports Joy has always been one of those kids, who are great in every sport. When he had to choose his number one sport around fifteen, he was a national level athlete in four different things. Ache mostly did reasonably well in county level in his sports except the one that was his passion.</p><p></p><p>So both of them have always done well in many things. The huge difference has always been the social skills and talent. Joy has always been well liked by everyone from the midwife who delivered him to peers and teachers at school, team mates, coaches and opponents at sports, extended family and neighbours. He is good looking kid with sunny disposition, good manners, nice sense of humour and ability to make people feel comfortable around him. Ache... well, he is none of that. He has prickly manners, is too intense, lacks any kind of smoothness and makes people feel uncomfortable. It is no wonder Joy is extremely popular and Ache is not at all.</p><p></p><p>I enjoy being Joy's mother a lot. He is just the kid I always wanted to have. He brings us so much joy in so many levels. The problem is, that for me, as a mother, Ache is just as beloved and just as important as Joy. And that sentiment doesn't sit well with the views of outside world. Of course, if I tell someone, that we love our boys equal, everyone will of course nod and agree. But in more instinctive level people seem to expect me to hail for Joy and apologise for Ache. And that makes me feel more protective of Ache, which I at times have to be very careful not to let to affect how I see Joy. And on the other hand, when things seem to come so easy for Joy, it is difficult to not get frustrated with Ache and how he struggles grasping even some very basic things in how to make himself more likeable.</p><p></p><p>Being fair to both of them. That is quite the task!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 645325, member: 14557"] GuideMe: Yes, my kiddies are very different people in many ways and mostly on the opposite spectrum of traditional popular-loser High School spectrum, though Ache's talent in sport did raise his 'social status' when he got older. The real difference between the two are social skills, especially peer skills, social conformity and things like that. In fact Ache is on or above average level in most skills just like Joy. Joy is smart (no idea about his IQ, in our system that is basically only tested if kid is in trouble) and has had it easy at school, Ache has very high IQ and can ace any test or exam and is very efficient learner, his school issues were about social and conformity issues. Both have above average musical and artistic talent and are good with their hands (do well in crafts, drawing, things like that.) Both are nice church choir level singers and have enjoyed quality classical music education (read: mommy forced them to attend music school till they were 14-15 and finished level of diplomas that guarantee they can play an instrument well enough to entertain at home setting and have strong foundation in musical theory, Ache plays piano and Joy plays classical guitar.) Neither plays much themselves nowadays (only every now and then for their own enjoyment) but both listen a lot of music. Joy's involvement is more in the same level mine is: for us music is either pleasing to us or not, well done or not so good. Ache is more likely to have more emotional reactions to music. Joy liked to draw when younger, but seldom does it now for pleasure. Ache doodles a lot, puts more thought to photos he takes and so on. My dad (who is professional artist) seems to think Ache has quite good eye and if he would have passion could make something out of himself in art. But he doesn't have that passion. Neither has Joy. In sports Joy has always been one of those kids, who are great in every sport. When he had to choose his number one sport around fifteen, he was a national level athlete in four different things. Ache mostly did reasonably well in county level in his sports except the one that was his passion. So both of them have always done well in many things. The huge difference has always been the social skills and talent. Joy has always been well liked by everyone from the midwife who delivered him to peers and teachers at school, team mates, coaches and opponents at sports, extended family and neighbours. He is good looking kid with sunny disposition, good manners, nice sense of humour and ability to make people feel comfortable around him. Ache... well, he is none of that. He has prickly manners, is too intense, lacks any kind of smoothness and makes people feel uncomfortable. It is no wonder Joy is extremely popular and Ache is not at all. I enjoy being Joy's mother a lot. He is just the kid I always wanted to have. He brings us so much joy in so many levels. The problem is, that for me, as a mother, Ache is just as beloved and just as important as Joy. And that sentiment doesn't sit well with the views of outside world. Of course, if I tell someone, that we love our boys equal, everyone will of course nod and agree. But in more instinctive level people seem to expect me to hail for Joy and apologise for Ache. And that makes me feel more protective of Ache, which I at times have to be very careful not to let to affect how I see Joy. And on the other hand, when things seem to come so easy for Joy, it is difficult to not get frustrated with Ache and how he struggles grasping even some very basic things in how to make himself more likeable. Being fair to both of them. That is quite the task! [/QUOTE]
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Entitlement and superiority in typical siblings of troubled kids
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