Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Steely, Feb 12, 2012.

  1. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I have been out of work since Sept 2010. From that time until March of 2011 I helped my Dad pass onto the next world. From March to August I helped my Mom pack and sell her house of 40 years in Dallas, and then I moved Matt to Portland and me to Washington.

    So it has been about 5 months now with few people tugging, demanding, ordering or dictating my life. I am trying to start this business, which I think someday it will happen. But in the meantime I am left, still. Completely still.

    Depression is my number one enemy. I fight it every day. And I am still not sure that going back to work full time is not the answer to alleviate the depression--- except suddenly --- ME is happening. Suddenly this person, Amber, is starting to grow. It is really such a weird feeling, I can't describe it.

    My creativity is starting to slowly unfold. Kind of like an abused puppy, my creativity is timid, scared, and fragile - but yet it wants to try and take a stab at flourishing.
    And the most interesting part of this, is that the things that I got from my Dad are the motivators. He left this amazing camera that I adopted as mine. Suddenly I want to take pictures all of the time, and then I found this website where you post a picture and then write a story about that picture. Well that has opened up my entire way of looking at the world. Then you can add music, to your story and picture, which makes it a full media experience. I am daily inspired by this.

    My Dad also left a state of the art Mac which I adopted. Suddenly, I see why artists use a Mac. I moved it to this room I have in my house called the sunroom - and the sun shines (if it is shining) all day long in this room. It is a very hot room without A/C or good ventilation, so we will see - but today I have had the absolute luxury of taking pics on a hike, and then playing with them on the mac, and then writing a story about one of them --- and I feel alive! This is it. This is where I am supposed to be. I found it.

    I was at Petco yesterday and they were hiring for a PT salesperson and I had a profound realization. I would rather work there PT and keep doing the writing than go back to my full time retail career. That is a huge, HUGE epiphany. My pride is gone. I don't have to have the big retail bonanza, because I have found ME, and what *I* want to be doing! All I can say is THANK God. It has been a long, long road - and I know many more bumps are on the way - but for the first time I see the "vision" for my life. :)
    Please pray I can hang onto it, even when the wind blows. :)
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2012
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Steely that is just great! You will never know unless you take this chance and follow your heart. Nothing is forever anyway so if you ever change your mind (and why would you?? but things happen and ....) you can.

    Have fun and keep posting your stories!
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Steely, just seeing this post, this positive energy from you... Made me smile in a way I haven't done for a long, long time... And by the way, you take awesome pictures!!! And you write well, too. Go for the PT job!
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    You CAN do anything you put your mind to. Depression or not to overcome. IT IS within each and everyone of us to strive to become our better selves. If you find something that you enjoy doing, that brings your life peace, and happiness? Give it a whirl.

    Best of luck.
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Money or prestige is not the end all beat all in this world. It certainly won't bring happiness, although enough to survive is nice.

    I taught my kids that if they could find a career in something they loved to do then to go for it, regardless of what anyone else thinks. To be able to work at something one truly loves doing is never truly work at all. Those that are able to find that have found a wonderful treasure.

    I'm glad you found something that is helping you discover yourself and make you feel alive again. That is AWESOME.

    I know myself very well. I'm still waiting for that thing to make me feel alive again. I'm trying, and I keep on trying. But yeah.

  6. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    But, yeah....hound. Keep on trying, pursue until you find it. It is there. It just may not look like anything yet...
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Steely - Others can't give us this info, even if they know us well. We must find it for ourselves. Can you take some pics and do some writing to capture this vision? So you can post it somewhere and have it as a "touchstone"?
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Steely, you sound happier. Will the part time work allow you to support yourself adequately? And Matt with the expenses that you end up having to help him with? If so, then I am thrilled for you.

    Could you tell me about the name of that website for the photo's? Billy just bought a really expensive camera and is trying to get into photography. He has always been quite good with the regular digital camera's we had so he got himself one of the more expensive ones.
  9. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Steely, that is AWESOME!! I am soooo happy for you. Absolutely go for it....who knows.....this might have been waiting for YOU to figure it out. I really do believe things happen for a reason. You have realized it and embraced it! THAT is what life is about.

    Now if some of that would rub off on me. I know what my heart is calling me to do but there is no way I can with difficult child 1 still here. It does give me something to look forward to though!!
  10. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Steely, I'm not living up to my potential here either. But it works for us. Barely at times, but somehow it works. I'm not a people person so time between gives me the "me time" I need, but maybe the work time is some of the you time you need to find yourself again. I'm certainly waiting to hear good news come out of this!
  11. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I have some health concerns and because of this, always preferred to work part time. However, PT jobs are hard to find and it seems to be getting worse (if someone knows why...PLEASE post!). Anyway, for various reasons that you have mentioned in your post, PT work might be a fabulous choice for you especially if you can see the work as simply a relatively easy way to earn some money, don't get bogged down by things at the job and that your hours rarely increase. (everyone has to pitch in during problems, holidays, etc.)
    In the mean time, you can use the extra time to write, tackle other concerns, etc.
    Wishing you good luck getting this job or one like it!
  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Awesome! Congrats on the idea to work PT at the pet store.

    That website sounds really neat.

    Fingers crossed while you continue on with your brand new life. :hi5:
  13. Mamaof5

    Mamaof5 Guest

    (((steely))) awesome!
  14. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Janet the name of the website is cowbird.com
    And yes insane I think I will capture this moment with picture and words for a touchstone, great idea.
    The part time job I may or may not apply for depending on my business. Right now I am more inclined to get out and stomp the pavement and try to generate some dog business - so that I can make full time money with hours that are flexible (allowing me to make my own hours, and write.) Please pray that will come about, because no Janet I really can't afford a to live just on a part time job. I guess my point in bringing that up though, is that I am now willing to work part time at a pet store, and muddle my way financially, if it means I can keep doing this. :) That is the huge epiphany. :)
    Thanks for all the support!!!!
  15. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    I am so happy to hear the happiness in your post !!! Keep Truckin' !!:wootsmiley:
  16. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them.
    ~from The Little Prince

    Find the kid in you again. ;)