ER with Dude - NOT meningitis

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Star*, Jul 20, 2009.

  1. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Well I can thank this board for another heads up on what to be aware of...and I'm thanking Janet for her brave fight and post because I never really knew what the symptoms of meningitis were until we nearly lost her over it.

    Dude called last night complaining of throwing up, fever, major headache, muscle aches, muscle stiffness when he moved his head and said it felt like he was on fire. He said he tried to eat at noon but felt so weak and by six oclock was so miserable he had no idea what came over him. By nine he said he could hardly move.

    The foster family had gone to do a CHristian puppet show and locked him out of the house at 9:00 AM. SInce he didn't want to go - he was on his own. They wouldn't return until 1:00 AM. ??? We went and got him at 10:00 and he was sitting in a truck outside the house that didn't run. The neighbors were taking care of him.

    Hospital took blood ran tests, thought like we did - possible meningitis - started him on fluids and he was severely dehydrated. They gave him medicine for nausea, and something for the headache. Tests came back negative - whiteblood count normal - all looked good. Just severely dehydrated. Said his anxiety had a lot to do with it. Get some help - got a referral. I don't know if he'll make an appointment or not. (detach detach detach)

    He called the foster family at 1:00 to tell them he was at the ER and they said they were tired and were going to bed, locking the door. He asked if they would leave the door open - they said - Nope...going to bed. He told us that the lady who is over the foster care came to see him and took him out of the house and asked him about the police report that anonymously got mailed to her (crazy neighbor lady) apparently fosters did not report THAT - but DID report everything else in asmuch as Dude not coming home that night? Ya think?

    She said she was moving, and wants to get him out of that home. So there may be a place that has effeciency apartments in town with other kids like ours, that he likes and is going to try to move there. It's on the bus line - closer to we'll see. Keep your fingers crossed.

    He said that this family won't stop the teasing - they took his dog and we're not sure what they did with Rudy - but he's gone. He fixed the pen up outside - fed and watered him - and this will be the 4th dog they have "gotten rid of" Pootie was one of them too. They tell him he can have a dog - and then they put his dogs in a car and get rid of them. The daughter who is well over 400 lbs is still silently threatening to hit him and choke him - she just does it when her parents are not looking - and her live in boy friend who is 38 years old and twice Dudes size still have not stopped with their wise cracks and antics messing with his stuff, and himand - Dude said he can't take any more. He said the entire family thinks its funny and now it's almost become a game to tease him about everything - HE comes home - his bedroom door is open, and his stuff is gone through - his room has no a/c and they refuse to fix the vent. And I'm trying very hard to stay out of it all and let him handle it. I also know that every story has 3 sides - but we have caught the fosters in just about as many 1/2 truths if not more than Dude. That's just sad. WE figure he's just a pay check and as long as he's not staying there? THey don't care - they still get their money no matter where he stays.

    I told DF this morning - that I think it would be nice the next time these people lock Dude out of the house and go to a Christian Puppet show - that Dude would get all his clothes, his stuff, and pack up - leave and let them figure out where they are going to try to get the next $1500.00+ paycheck from because - the foster care agency said they won't renew their contract after this. Dude said he's got a lot of stuff to tell DSS - about the day care - and me? I'm staying out of it all together. I think maybe I'll finally have something to contribute worthwhile to the archives after this...a new detachment for the list. ;)

    I figure crazy neighbor lady is going to get the blame for it all. :faint:
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2009
  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I hope that the efficiency apartment will open up, and that he will hopefully have a caseworker who can get him the aids that he needs to make a success of it.
  3. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Me too Witz.....

    The other night the foster Dad brought Dude to the house to pick up Dog food we had gotten for Rudy at the ASPCA for Rudy. That night? Rudy disappeared. Mysteriously. The next morning....Dudes buddies found the most mangey, flea bitten, road savage, skinny, chewed up Pit bull I think I've ever seen and brought it to Dude - they found her while looking for Rudy and thought "I" could help it. (um......groan) ....I told Dude to put her in a cage and DF gave him a padlock with a key that he now wears around his wrist. -

    Lets see THAT one disappear. :ashamed:
  4. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I hate to say it, but if he gets into the efficiency apt., they probably won't allow pets.
  5. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Oh Star, I am so glad that it wasn't meningitus! How frightening!

    I hope the efficiency works out for him too. What's with those 'foster parents'? Has anyone told the agency that Dude's being locked out of the house, his things taken, etc.?? That's almost funny that these people are doing Christian puppet shows! They sound like a bunch of low-lifes! But till 1:00 am? I guess that's for all the little kiddies who work the night shift ...
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2009
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Huge relief it wasn't meningitis. Pretty rotten of foster parents to treat a sick kid that way, paycheck or not. grrrr

    I hope something opens up for Dude quickly. He needs out of there. And huge kuddos to neighbor lady for speaking up for him.

  7. Star*

    Star* call 911

    The lady at the apartments said that they CAN have dogs...OMG They have to be responsible for "curbing" them and have "mandatory" pick up with little trash bags. - I hope he realizes that that does NOT mean - THAT dog. But then again - maybe he's found a kindred spirit with her. Poor thing.

    Just keep your fingers crossed gals....But Witz - we are not FOR this dog moving with him. We aren't for Dude having a pet flea let alone a dog.
  8. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I know that you aren't for Dude having a dog, but it seems inevitable that he will. They can't seem to resist each other! ;) It would be really great if he could find some work at a vet's office. Could you talk to the people next time you pick up dog food to see if anyone has any work available even cleaning cages or grooming? It seems like a natural fit for him.
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2009
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so glad Dude did not get meningitis! Thank God for the neighbors who took care of Dude! How horrible to treat a sick person this way.

    Prayers being said and beads being rattled so Dude can get into an apartment. He simply MUST get away from these people! I cannot imagine letting people like that care for one of my animals (even that bird I don't like!), much less one of my kids. Does Dude plan to call DSS after he is out of there? Can he also press charges for abuse after he leaves?

    Give that poor boy a giant hug from his Auntie Susie. He truly has learned to control his temper given that he has not attacked one of the foster people or taken revenge in other ways. I would suggest fake voodoo to scare them, but I think they would just beat him and then try to press charges on him for attacking them.

    What goes around does come around, and I have faith that sooner or later karma will return all of their vile nastiness to them hundredfold.

    I hope that they don't get this dog. Does Dude know that the apartments will throw him out if he has a dog? I think a job with a vet or even a kennel would be good for him. Maybe if he went to a vet or kennel (I am thinking boarding house for dogs, not breeder of dogs) and offered to work for free for 20 hours a week for 4-6 weeks if they will give him a good recommendation so that he can get a job with another vet/kennel. It is a strategy in a job guide that makes a lot of sense. If it is 20 hours he still has time to work to pay for his fines. The business is not stuck in an open-ended relationship and gets some free labor in exchange for training and a recommendation.

    I am glad he is better, and I hope he gets out of there very soon.
  10. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I am so glad Dude does not have meningitis. It sounds like these foster home family members could care less about helping people. As is every direct care - there doesn't seem to be enough effort to block the "money grabbers" from these positions. Agencies don't want to shut them down because then they will need to find new homes for those being cared for. Red tape, red tape, red tape. And again the victims get victimized!

    If you still had Dude and locked him out like that (especially following an ER visit), you could get into trouble for neglect. You do not block shelter from those under your care.

    I hope Dude can get out ASAP!

    Stay strong in your warrior mom armour of detaching. I know this is super hard. You are doing a GREAT job!
  11. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Witz - you know this is the FIRST time I have EVER told him to NOT NOT NOT bring the dog around - I do not want to even SEE her. Period. Fini! I think you may have something about working for a place that takes care of dogs - I will mention it to him - Board Auntie to Board Nephew. ;)

    He asked the foster dad to take him to get his prescription filled tonight? Nope....not enough gas to get there. WHAT?

    With that - it made Dude upset enough to call his caseworker and get the ball rolling. All this time we've been really trying to stay out of everything and let Dude speak for himself. This has been incredibly hard. Even today as I went to the bank for the company - I pass RIGHT by the building where the caseworkers office is and thought about stopping in - and did not. Dude called me for the number and had a nice conversation with the director about what has been going on. In the past Dudes opinion of these people was less than low. (mine too)

    This time maybe because he called, and we weren't involved or because they saw him reaching out? I don't know but...they thought it was a GREAT idea. They praised him for doing the research on the apartments, and the community - and finding out about the availability, bus lines, and saying that he felt he could do better for himself there than where he was. He actually spoke for himself. FINALLY.

    OMG this was so hard for me. I had to find parental duct tape but I swear to you - I could literally hear Witz in my head this afternoon going - Starbie are you SERIOUS you are going where? And Suz saying "Well I don't see you using Detachment 101 at all." and Daisylover going "That's not what I'd do with Nicole but you do what you have to do, and Stang shaking her head and saying "Not good girl." and then Janet going "OH for Gods sake when are you going to let him grow up? and the list of voices and faces just went on and on and even in my head you gals are a force! ( a little scary too)

    So yeah - I stayed out of it....but it still infuriates me that they treat him like this.

    Even after so much detachment there is a part of me that hears - "Momma I'm sick, my head hurts still." and wants to rush and bring him here and I think -----nope......nope nope...MUST BE A GOOD EXAMPLE

    drat you conscience....:faint:
  12. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    That's really cool that he did that, Star. He grew up a little bit today.
  13. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Star...I'm laughing at our voices in your head but....


    He did good! Dude and my difficult child are a lot alike in some ways. It can take extreme things to get them to learn. I'm infuriated right along with you that these people are foster parents and treated Dude this way but..... Even sick, he's not dying, he's not injured and he's doing things ON HIS OWN!!! He knows he needs his medications and needs a safe place to live and he did something about it! He may slide backwards a few more times but he's getting it!!! He's thinking ahead and looking to the future. This is


    Now...when he get's thing arranged and moves in, you can sit back and say "Look what my son did!" and take pictures and show us his new place!!!
  14. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    Thank goodness he doesn't have meningitis.

    I HATE HATE HATE that nefarious foster family. My skin crawls every time you post about them.

    Wouldn't that be fantastic if Dude could get his own place!

    Making a body pretzel out in CA.
  15. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Yep, you quoted us right, that's for sure :) . You gave your son a gift of one step towards maturity by holding back and letting him make the next move. BRAVO!

    I am agog at the FF and what they are allowed to get away with. As soon as Dude is moved and settled I'd be sorely tempted to contact the media.

  16. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Thanks everyone.....

    Dude called us late last night - there are 2 phones in the house and both are the walk-about phones. I've been almost certain in the past that someone has been listening in on our conversations in the past. Not too big a deal - we just do the usual how are you's.

    Last night Dude got both phones so no one could listen in, and went outside to the end of the yard and sat to talk to me about the plans/move/talking to his caseworker and he called his former bosses wife and said "If I am fired I want to hear it from my boss not from my bosses wife. Please ask your husband to contact me and tell me why I am or am not working I don't feel I did anything wrong, I don't do drugs, I don't drink, I may not have as much experience as the other guys, but I'm learning, I'm there when he needed me and now I need a job and I do not understand what I did to deserve this type of treatment." she said she would get him to call him, he said TOMORROW then, by 6:00 please." Today the man pulled me off to the side and I stuck up my hand and said "If you have something to say to my son - say it to him. I'm not a Mother who gets in her son's business." and walked away.

    Dude called me a little bit ago and said "I just wanted to tell you I'm working on my plan today Momma - I've arranged to have my truck moved and in exchange for moving it I"m helping the man tow cars today etc...and my boss called me and said he's going to call me tonight and talk about my work schedule so I guess I have a job after three weeks." He sounded like a great weight was lifted off him.

    I feel like 30 board Aunties stuck the troll doll with voodoo

    THanks gals - MUCH love-