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<blockquote data-quote="RN0441" data-source="post: 706945" data-attributes="member: 15032"><p>Mintchip:</p><p></p><p>So sorry that you are going through this. It is all so hard.</p><p></p><p>Your son is 29 years old. More than a grown man. He is struggling with a demon. Many of us here have felt this struggle and/or continue to be a part of it. As they say, relapse is part of recovery. It doesn't mean it has to be in your home.</p><p></p><p>You know that there is NOTHING YOU CAN DO to keep him sober. Keeping him in your home is not going to do it. Usually that enables them to go back to their undesirable ways. I tried for many years to keep my son, who is much younger than yours, sober. It almost killed me and ruined my marriage. It didn't work.</p><p></p><p>We honestly think that sending our son away saved his life. My husband just said that the other day. He isn't one to talk about it much and that was a profound statement for me. I knew that my son would be one of those guys living at home at age 40 doing drugs and letting us take care of him - IF we had not done that. I saw that in our future. </p><p></p><p>I think you need to have him find another place to live even if that is a homeless shelter. He needs to FEEL uncomfortable and feel the consequences of his choices. We continue to do that with our son. We have also learned to set and maintain firm boundaries. It was much harder for me than my husband. I know that you already know all this and are looking for confirmation. You know that you will get it on this forum.</p><p></p><p>My son has not been in prison, although I'm sure that is where he was headed, so I don't know the ins and outs of all that but it seems that for most in your shoes, waiting for the authorities to make things change is a long time coming. I don't know the laws in your state but you may have to have him legally evicted which takes 30 days. I know that is how it is in Illinois.</p><p></p><p>For us we told our son rehab or shelter and he chose rehab. That is ONLY because he had no place else to go. However the struggle continues but he is doing so much better. He is being accountable for his life for the first time ever. If he wants to do drugs, go do it, but not in MY home. He is deciding that he'd rather have a relationship with his family. He had to come to this on his own.</p><p></p><p>I started seeing a therapist that has helped me tremendously. I would try to get some support in some form for yourself.</p><p></p><p>Bottom line: my home is peaceful and I have my life back. The only thing I wonder is what were we afraid of and what took us so long.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="RN0441, post: 706945, member: 15032"] Mintchip: So sorry that you are going through this. It is all so hard. Your son is 29 years old. More than a grown man. He is struggling with a demon. Many of us here have felt this struggle and/or continue to be a part of it. As they say, relapse is part of recovery. It doesn't mean it has to be in your home. You know that there is NOTHING YOU CAN DO to keep him sober. Keeping him in your home is not going to do it. Usually that enables them to go back to their undesirable ways. I tried for many years to keep my son, who is much younger than yours, sober. It almost killed me and ruined my marriage. It didn't work. We honestly think that sending our son away saved his life. My husband just said that the other day. He isn't one to talk about it much and that was a profound statement for me. I knew that my son would be one of those guys living at home at age 40 doing drugs and letting us take care of him - IF we had not done that. I saw that in our future. I think you need to have him find another place to live even if that is a homeless shelter. He needs to FEEL uncomfortable and feel the consequences of his choices. We continue to do that with our son. We have also learned to set and maintain firm boundaries. It was much harder for me than my husband. I know that you already know all this and are looking for confirmation. You know that you will get it on this forum. My son has not been in prison, although I'm sure that is where he was headed, so I don't know the ins and outs of all that but it seems that for most in your shoes, waiting for the authorities to make things change is a long time coming. I don't know the laws in your state but you may have to have him legally evicted which takes 30 days. I know that is how it is in Illinois. For us we told our son rehab or shelter and he chose rehab. That is ONLY because he had no place else to go. However the struggle continues but he is doing so much better. He is being accountable for his life for the first time ever. If he wants to do drugs, go do it, but not in MY home. He is deciding that he'd rather have a relationship with his family. He had to come to this on his own. I started seeing a therapist that has helped me tremendously. I would try to get some support in some form for yourself. Bottom line: my home is peaceful and I have my life back. The only thing I wonder is what were we afraid of and what took us so long. [/QUOTE]
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