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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 638740" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>Okay, just went back and read the other note. You do watch him. 8 cameras. Okay.</p><p>But what do you do when you catch him?</p><p>Our son lies because he wants what he wants when he wants it.</p><p>For example, he says he doesn't like it when we (parents) sometimes say he can have money, and sometimes he can't.</p><p>So sometimes just to make it easy on himself, he takes it.</p><p>We told him that is our privilege and prerogative to be as inconsistent as we want, because we are in charge. However, what may not make sense to him makes perfect sense to us. For example, he may take his girlfriend out for their anniversary, but may not take two more friends and use our money to pay for them. We are doing him a favor because we love him and are glad he has a girlfriend. But we don't want to feed complete strangers at a local restaurant.</p><p>He doesn't want to go through that explanation. He just wants to go out and eat. With our money.</p><p>(This was a lie that dragged through 3 mo's of contested charges with-Chase Visa and two restaurants. So much for giving him the credit card.)</p><p>So that is our reaction--no more credit card. He either uses cash or he stays home.</p><p>He was just getting to the point where he felt grown up and was trustworthy but then he blew it.</p><p></p><p>In your case, your 11-yr-old sneaks out. Who stops him at the door? Does he go out a window? Do you wake him up in the a.m. when he's tired and make him go to school? I have a big guy friend who was in the military. I had him come over and physically lift difficult child out of bed one day.</p><p>There's always got to be someone bigger, stronger and smarter who can meet your difficult child head-to-head.</p><p>Quite frankly, he may not learn respect until he learns fear.</p><p></p><p>Also, don't negotiate with him. If you give on one thing, he'll expect you to give on another thing. It is so hard!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 638740, member: 3419"] Okay, just went back and read the other note. You do watch him. 8 cameras. Okay. But what do you do when you catch him? Our son lies because he wants what he wants when he wants it. For example, he says he doesn't like it when we (parents) sometimes say he can have money, and sometimes he can't. So sometimes just to make it easy on himself, he takes it. We told him that is our privilege and prerogative to be as inconsistent as we want, because we are in charge. However, what may not make sense to him makes perfect sense to us. For example, he may take his girlfriend out for their anniversary, but may not take two more friends and use our money to pay for them. We are doing him a favor because we love him and are glad he has a girlfriend. But we don't want to feed complete strangers at a local restaurant. He doesn't want to go through that explanation. He just wants to go out and eat. With our money. (This was a lie that dragged through 3 mo's of contested charges with-Chase Visa and two restaurants. So much for giving him the credit card.) So that is our reaction--no more credit card. He either uses cash or he stays home. He was just getting to the point where he felt grown up and was trustworthy but then he blew it. In your case, your 11-yr-old sneaks out. Who stops him at the door? Does he go out a window? Do you wake him up in the a.m. when he's tired and make him go to school? I have a big guy friend who was in the military. I had him come over and physically lift difficult child out of bed one day. There's always got to be someone bigger, stronger and smarter who can meet your difficult child head-to-head. Quite frankly, he may not learn respect until he learns fear. Also, don't negotiate with him. If you give on one thing, he'll expect you to give on another thing. It is so hard! [/QUOTE]
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