evaluation this scenario. What would u do different?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Shari, Mar 26, 2008.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    This is my morning and how I handled it. Please tell me what I could have done differently.

    Today was the first day back to school after 10 days of spring break. Wee difficult child did not want to do because of a teacher, Miss D (note he also did not attend a private Easter egg hunt being held for all the school kids because Miss D would probably be there - this is an issue we need to address). He also perceives that the other children make fun of him. The teachers and I do not see this, but this is consistently his perception.

    He got up on his own and got dressed and started playing with Lego's. I asked him what he wanted for breakfast and he said nothing (not unusual). Later, I told him we needed to get ready to leave for school, and he said "just a minute" (typical - allowing transisition time).

    About 10 minutes later I said "time to get shoes on". He wasn't done with his Lego ship, so he said in a second, I said no, time's up, gotta go. He reluctantly left the Lego's and put on his shoes.

    The Schwann's guy came last night again (aka the ICE CREAM MAN (Star)), and we bought a small box of ice cream cones. difficult child wanted one. I said no, we don't have ice cream for breakfast, but you can have one as soon as you get home from school. Meltdown ensued. He cried, he spit, he hit, he threatened, he sat down and refused to move/leave, he was hungry and I was mean for not feeding him. It is now 15 minutes past time to leave and I still haven't finished outside chores (that I do when we leave the house in the morning).

    I did not handle it gracefully. I'm tired and I slammed my work books down on the counter and some of my papers flew out. difficult child continued. I asked if he wanted an egg? No. Cereal? No. Bacon? No. Orange? No. Banana? No. PBJ? No. Just ice cream, over and over and over.

    Finally, after 30 minutes or so of this, he started to calm down. He said he would pick up my papers, he was sorry he made me angry. I said no, I'll get the papers, that was my fit and my fault, I shouldn't have slammed my books down, but thank you for offering to help. He said he doesn't like me to slam things down. I said I was sorry, but sometimes I get frustrated cause people don't hear me and I don't know what else to do.

    Then he asked, calmly, for ice cream again. I said we can't have ice cream for breakfast, but you can have some as soon as you get home from school. That was ok this time, but he was hungry and asked for an egg.

    If he wasn't difficult child, I'd have said no, go hungry. But I know if he gets hungry at school, its a recipe for disaster, so I spent another few minutes cooking him an egg.

    At school, he was super clingy and did not want me to leave him. A teacher had to hold him so I could run out the door (otherwise he was following me) Again, because Miss D is mean and the kids don't like him, etc.

    I rushed and managed to only be 30 minutes late to work.

    Ok, have a hay-day. Pick me apart.
  2. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    You got to be kidding? Right?
    I thought you handled it well. Other than finding out what the issue is with Miss D, I can't think of one thing you could do differently than I would have done. I also would not let him go to school without food. It is a set up for failure for my difficult child also.

    Despite the patience and education of a superior being, our difficult child's meltdown. It comes with their title.

    I'm sure this morning was harder on you than it was on him.
  3. lynnp

    lynnp New Member

    Well, I think you did a great job. I'm not proud of this but we decided a long time ago that any kind of food was more important than what kind of food. (Hunger makes our difficult child a total ALIEN!!) I would have let him have an ice cream after an egg...
  4. babybear

    babybear New Member

    I agree with Fran. You did a very good job given the situation.
    We had far to many of "those" mornings and I must admit My reactions to a couple of incidents would rival the biggest difficult child tantrum
  5. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    I can't see anything that you had done wrong, in fact I think you handled it pretty well. The spitting(one of my total hot buttons) would have sent me totally over the edge, so just slamming stuff down was pretty mild compared to how I might have reacted. I too may have negotiated, have an egg or PBJ first then you can have ice cream, but I probably would have added he didn't get one after school in that case.

    I hate mornings like these, and yeah still have far too many with difficult child hating school. Hope you can get to the bottom of the problem with the teacher. I wonder if it's something she said to him, could even be not necessarily bad but your difficult child took it the wrong way?
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    You did a WONDERFUL job!!! I dan't think of anything you could have done that would have helped.

    Would it work if you had difficult child decide the night before what he wanted for breakfast (from a list of a few things)? Maybe print out a little "menu" with choice of drink, egg, cereal, pbj? Then in the am you both have to stick to it?

    Not sure it would help or not in the future. For today, you were wonderful.
  7. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    He's 5 right? It sounds like K... We go through this a lot. I think you did what I do most morning. She does not ask for Ice Cream ever... but it is one thing or another... Or the I do not want to go to school. Or the not eating at all... We just have to work through it and get them to school as calmly as possible with food in there bellies.
    I think you did a good job. Yesterday K had her jammies under her clothes... whatever! She was happy and at school.
  8. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I think you handled things just fine! We had more of those mornings than I could count...at least you got an egg in him! There were way too many days I couldn't get any food into Miss KT...unless I pried open her mouth and poked it down...and I thought about it every so often, but she has teeth...

    Hugs to you...hope tomorrow is better.
  9. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I think you handled it well. Especially that you recognize that this is more than likely stemming from anxiety about going back to school. Real or perceived, it's real to him. I've dealt with that with my daughter. I do think the sooner you address that, the better.

    The only thing I would have done different - and only because you know that he's feeling out of control about going back to school - would have been to allow the ice cream as long as he had something healthy, too. It could have stopped the meltdown. However, he could have also refused that, too, so it's a [email protected] shoot.
  10. happymomof2

    happymomof2 New Member

    You handled it well and all you did was slam your books down :congrats:, I probably would have done worse. I remember when my son was that age and after dropping him off at school I felt the need to go to a gym and find a punching bag!!

    The no ice cream for breakfast I agree with. Could you imagine how they would grow up if we gave them what they wanted all the time just to avoid a meltdown?? I myself have been guilty of that one once in a while.

    It's so funny how I always try to make my kids mornings go well and smooth so they will have a good day at school. What about us and our day and how there behavior tends to make us feel? Oh yea, that's right we are grown ups and we don't count. Tends to make one a little agitated!

    Gotta love em.
  11. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    You did beyond a good job. Slamming the books down is actually a very reasonable response given what all was going on. What I particularly loved was that you took responsibility for your behavior. What a valuable lesson this will be for your son -- even if someone makes him angry, how he responds is on him.

    Whenever you're ready, could you please give us all lessons? I'm pretty patient but I don't cope with being late too well. I think he would have been bodily dumped in the car half ready with a couple of energy bars had it been me. I am truly impressed and in total awe.
  12. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    Bravo! You handled the situation very well and to only be 30 minutes for work is awesome!