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Evening guest - Sheriff! Oh boy!
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 649526" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>There is lots of time for the changes you envision now, Done Dad. It's like steering a boat for a different shore. The simple act of changing course isn't going to land you on the beach tomorrow, but over the course of time, the journey will be completed, and each member of your family will arrive at his or her destination, safe and sound. You have a kind of legitimacy of vision, now. It is the right thing to encourage your adult child to begin thinking seriously about creating her life as an independent adult, and as a mother.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Posting here has helped me stay honest with myself about what is happening and about what (if anything) I can do about it. In a way, I can understand your daughter fighting for and obtaining custody and then, regretting the end of all those dreams and convincing herself the sperm donor would want to be a father. Our daughter does that. She believes all men are like her own father ~ good, decent, strong men who love themselves and their children. Yet she invariably chooses the wrong kinds of men and then, is heartbroken and disbelieving when they don't behave as her father would have.</p><p></p><p>If you think there might be a shadow of this kind of thinking in your daughter's behavior, this could be a time when her heart will be open enough for her to hear you when you tell her, one more time, who she was meant to be.</p><p></p><p>And who she can still become.</p><p></p><p>And how her life might look with a bright, compassionate husband who loves her and the baby.</p><p></p><p>The sperm donor guy sounds like he was a real loser.</p><p></p><p>Point that out to her ~ where he is, who he is, the kind of man her baby will grow up to be with that kind of father and role model.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry you can't trust her in your home. This is rock solid, no compromise territory for you. She needs to know, right out in the open, that trust and mutual respect are earned, that she's blown it, and that you are only going to put your lives on hold as long as she is pulling her own life together. Our kids sometimes believe we have no greater dream for ourselves than to parent them. I suppose that has to do with loving them so much when they were little and we built our lives around them.</p><p></p><p>Maybe your child should hear she is cramping your style.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Is your daughter not eligible for an apartment through social services?</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 649526, member: 17461"] There is lots of time for the changes you envision now, Done Dad. It's like steering a boat for a different shore. The simple act of changing course isn't going to land you on the beach tomorrow, but over the course of time, the journey will be completed, and each member of your family will arrive at his or her destination, safe and sound. You have a kind of legitimacy of vision, now. It is the right thing to encourage your adult child to begin thinking seriously about creating her life as an independent adult, and as a mother. Posting here has helped me stay honest with myself about what is happening and about what (if anything) I can do about it. In a way, I can understand your daughter fighting for and obtaining custody and then, regretting the end of all those dreams and convincing herself the sperm donor would want to be a father. Our daughter does that. She believes all men are like her own father ~ good, decent, strong men who love themselves and their children. Yet she invariably chooses the wrong kinds of men and then, is heartbroken and disbelieving when they don't behave as her father would have. If you think there might be a shadow of this kind of thinking in your daughter's behavior, this could be a time when her heart will be open enough for her to hear you when you tell her, one more time, who she was meant to be. And who she can still become. And how her life might look with a bright, compassionate husband who loves her and the baby. The sperm donor guy sounds like he was a real loser. Point that out to her ~ where he is, who he is, the kind of man her baby will grow up to be with that kind of father and role model. I am sorry you can't trust her in your home. This is rock solid, no compromise territory for you. She needs to know, right out in the open, that trust and mutual respect are earned, that she's blown it, and that you are only going to put your lives on hold as long as she is pulling her own life together. Our kids sometimes believe we have no greater dream for ourselves than to parent them. I suppose that has to do with loving them so much when they were little and we built our lives around them. Maybe your child should hear she is cramping your style. :O) Is your daughter not eligible for an apartment through social services? Cedar [/QUOTE]
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