Ever felt like letting difficult child's just go at eachother?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by gcvmom, Nov 18, 2009.

  1. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I'm probably going to be perceived as horrible for this, but there are some times when difficult child 1 is goading and pestering difficult child 2 so much that I just wish difficult child 2 (who outweighs his older brother by 15 pounds) would haul off and clobber him. If difficult child 2 realized just how much of an advantage he has over difficult child 1 in the weight department, he could really stop him in his tracks. :mad:

    I guess I just get sick of watching the stupid teasing and playing referee all the time. Time for some harder-hitting consequences, huh?
  2. iloveturtles

    iloveturtles Guest

    I don't think you are horrible at all.

    A woman I completely trust, she teaches childhood education, admited once that she sometimes looked the other way when one child would hit the other after such a time as you described.

    I think it is called the natural consequences.
  3. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    It's natural.

    I remember my sister having a difficult time with her two sons. They were very young - the elder was 2, the younger was 18 months (adopted). The elder was a hair-puller, the younger was a biter. She had tried everything to cure the younger one of biting, even biting him back (not recommended these days although I know people who have done it and this was back in the early 70s when people did this sort of thing sometimes).

    One afternoon she had stopped in our driveway beifely, to see our mother. She turned the car off but left the doors open, both boys in their child seats (what passed for child seats in those days). These seats had no harnesses, but had a padded bar across the front plus a vertical leather strap that went between the horizontal bar and the seat, so the boys had a leg either side of the strap. Very much like a high chair seat. So they did have more freedom of movement than in modern child seats.

    We had just gone inside when we heard screaming. Both of them. We rushed outside to see drifts of white-blonde hair flying around the car (from the younger boy). My sister hauled off the elder and spanked him for hair-pulling but our mother said, "Hey, he was screaming too, before you caught him in the act."

    Se we looked - and elder boy had a very large and rapidly bruising bite mark on his arm.

    We mentally recreated the events - as soon as Mum was out of sight, baby brother (who always was a devil) leaned over and bit the elder brother, hard. Elder brother instinctively reached down to pull the head away from his arm, grabbing by the hair and pulling, hard. Both boys hurt, both boys screaming.

    And from that day, younger never bit and elder never pulled hair.

    Instant cure.

    But I don't recommend it.

  4. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Seriously considered but found it was against the law to not protect my children; from themselves & each other. :D
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Logical consequences are the best teachers. Would difficult child 1 hit back, or slink away in shame?
  6. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    If you're horrible then I'm right there with you. I thought for sure that when difficult child started high school, he was going to get the snot beat out of him. I would have bet money on it...his mouth was that bad. Surprisingly it never happened. I always wondered though, if it would have had a positive effect on him in some way. No, I didn't want him to get hurt but at the same time I think peer "discipline" is sometimes more effective than anything we as parents can do.
  7. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    I too don't think you are awful at all. Different situation, but easy child is picked on at school sometimes. It has gotten physical towards her. She's had enough. Yet she was born pre-programmed to be "perfect" I think. She hates to misbehave or get into trouble. She also has a big heart and wouldn't want to hurt someone. But she had enough one day with one boy and after he shoved her, she shoved him till he fell on his behind and told him that next time he touched her would be the last time. He hasn't bothered her since.
    One other student is now the worst of the worst towards her. She told me she is tolerating as much as she can but she can see if it goes much further, if this girl hits her, she's going to end up slapping her across the mouth with a warning. I have to say, I do NOT condone fighting. But sometimes, kids gotta be kids. And sometimes that means not taking anything anymore, and doing what comes natural to kids.
  8. rlsnights

    rlsnights New Member

    I'll bring the popcorn. Your kids can duke it out first and then mine can have a turn eh?

    Or maybe it's beer and sausage you're supposed to bring ringside?
  9. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    I actually think that rivalry and actual fighting between siblings is NORMAL. It's only the past couple of decades that it has become a big deal.

    Families have a sort of pecking and order, and just like other animals, part of status within the pack is determined by competition.
  10. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    We don't call it sibling rivalry.

    We call it sibble war.

  11. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Yes, well I usually do intervene before the blood starts flowing ;) There's just some days I want to see difficult child 1 get his butt kicked because he is SO antagonistic. And some days I'm tempted to provide my own boot for the event, but I don't. Sigh. Those love/hate days are lousy.
  12. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    Yup. My mother used to say that if there was no smoke or arterial bleeding, she didn't want to be bothered with it.

    I got cured of going after my younger sister (in retaliation to her antagonizing me) when kid sister clocked me over the head with a glass Pepsi bottle.

    I may have been 6 inches taller and 20 lbs heavier than she was, but it knocked me cold.
  13. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Was reading this again today and suddenly started laughing.

    My brother and I were close as kids. But he would torment me (he's 2 years older) as well. I had it a few times. Twice when spinning on a swivelling recliner, he shoved me, I shoved back. Both times he went flying and landed head first on the old style Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) type heaters we had back then. Cracked his head right open! And same deal one, I was bouncing on my bed. He shoved me. I shoved back. Cracked head open on rads. All 3 times required a trip to ER to stitch up the gaping gashes on his skull.

    He retaliated by throwing me hard to the ground outside. We had this rusty old bike that had a jagged metal piece by the pedals. I landed face first on the jagged metal, brother smacked me in back of the head on purpose, pushing the metal straight through the tissue under my nose/above my top lip. Pierced clear through my face, through my upper gums and lodged at roof of my mouth! Yup. He got a good whooping from my mom. I got tons of stitches and a scar that I love to tease him about today.

    So we went to war for sure as kids. But we survived and laugh alot about it. My kids love hearing our war stories.
  14. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Mine went after each other frequently as teenagers, after school when I was at work. One day I had to leave work because they called 911 on each other ... ahhh what a wonderful treat that was to come home to... I was ready to let the deputies haul them both away.
  15. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    My dad would threaten to put which ever kids were fighting (usually the bickering - no physical) into the front yard and MAKE them physically fight it out. I think he may have actually done it once.

    Tell you what, if you are quarreling and someone puts you in the yard and tells you, "Get it out of your system. Go ahead! If you are going to fight, fight!" you really don't know where to start or what to do. Especially if you are not apt to throw a punch under any circumstances.

    This worked for us girls because we were never physical. Not sure how well it would work for those who don't mind throwing punches at their siblings. May have some domestic violence cases involved if it went as far as the kids would like to go?

    My dad also was the one to say, "Never start a fight but if you find yourself in one, make sure you end it." I love that saying! So many ways to stop a fight! :)
  16. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Mattsmom...I should introduce you to my family! LOL I have an uncle who has a small scar between his eyebrows. By now it just looks like a normal wrinkle or crease but those in the family know different. It's actually a scar from a wire coat hanger that one of my other uncles nailed him with.

    My sister in law has a scar on the back of one foot from one of her brothers throwing a knife at her. My two brother in law's used to chase each other with knives and husband once broke sister in law's collerbone. She was teasing him about a girl, he kept telling her to shut up, she didn't so he pushed her down and somehow her collar bone broke.

    I was an only child till I was 17 but I figured that beating the snot out of each other was part of having sibs. LOL
  17. lizanne2

    lizanne2 New Member

    Ah, i feel the same way you do sometimes.

    I remember in the 5th grade during before lunch recess, I punched Michael Tadd in the face because he wouldn't let a girl play football. The principal called my mom. My mom had to pick me up at school. Then she took me to Burger King. The teacher gave me 100s on the work I missed. I guess somebody was waiting for somebody to hit that kid.

    Similiarly, my daughter pushed Connor A in the mud durig 5th grade recess because he was being a bully to everyone. This was so unexpected because she was the shyest girl in the grade. And, well, Connor ended up being recruited to play Div 1 football several years later(Big strong kid). My daughter never got in trouble for that incident.
  18. rlsnights

    rlsnights New Member

    My wife tells about her 4 younger brothers throwing spanners and wrenches at each other so she figures it's "normal" behavior for them to get into it.

    I am not so comfortable with it since I experienced real physical abuse a few times at the hands of my much bigger though younger brother. My parents did nothing to stop it and were angry with me when I padlocked the door to my room. When my brother busted it to get in my room they did nothing.

    One strategy I sometimes use that another Mom suggested also makes me a bit uncomfortable but I have found that it works pretty well.

    When the kids are starting the physical stuff (they don't get real violent but will kick and trip and shove type stuff) I announce in a cheery but slightly menacing voice "Oh, are we playing the hitting game? Cause I want to play too." and bunch my hand in a fist. It's clear that I will play much harder than they would like by punching them in the arm or such. So far they haven't actually called my bluff and I only use it when people are not really angry yet.
  19. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Andy...we did tell my boys that and we did throw them out in the yard more than once. Cory and Jamie were constantly antagonizing one and other. Jamie was horrible about pushing Cory's buttons. They would bicker and fight with each other all the time. We would get sick to death of it and open the door and toss them out and tell them to come back in when someone was dead...lol. We knew they werent going to really hurt each other and by the time they got outside where they was more room to go at it, they would find something else to do. Almost always worked. Yeah they wrestled a few times, threw a few punches a couple of times but Jamie was bigger and could hold Cory off. Ticked Cory off no end. LOL.
  20. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Rls...I get what you're saying and your parents definately should have done something. I think for the most part though, kids are going to pound on each other. USUALLY there is no true malice behind it and sometimes, it's deserved.

    difficult child got in trouble once at the Boys and Girls club for touching a girl's breast. I truly don't think it was done in a predatory manner....I think he just had a complete lack of even minimal good judgement. When I picked him up I had him apologize (again) to the girl who was twice his size. I looked at her, looked at difficult child, looked back at her and told her that I was surprised she didn't deck him. (She could have easily knocked him on his tea kettle) She looked surprised but I told her that if he EVER did that or anything like it again...she had my permission to whoop difficult child. She still looked surprised but smiled a little at it.

    I don't condone fighting either but sometimes, be it a kid or even an adult, SOMETIMES a person needs their bell rung.