Ever have one of those mornings?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by erbaledge, Aug 19, 2010.

  1. erbaledge

    erbaledge New Member

    Do you ever have those mornings where you want to just bawl your eyes out?

    Gfg9 (adhd & anxiety) has consistently had bad mornings since school started a couple weeks ago (they go year-round). She is pretty much considered 'normal', she's not completely like my gfg15 (no remorse, etc).

    The main issue: extremely foul language and name calling towards Me

    I am so tired of being called the names I do get called, because she can't get her hair brushed right, or i don't brush it right, or because she has a last minute outfit change (usually pick night before) and she can't find something.

    I feel dumb even asking, due to the fact that i should know what to do given the circumstances with- gfg15, but what do you all do when your kids cuss/swear/namecall? (and I don't mean just a little 'damn' or 'oh sh*t')
    If you want, you can even PM me your ideas. I am open. Because grounding is not working, though I do plan on stepping it up a notch, last grounding lasted 1 day, this time I'm bumping to this: She can't use the phone, easy child, Wii until Saturday.

    To be honest, I just want to backhand her mouth when she calls me those nasty names. But I won't smack her. I just feel so lost. I'm tired of 'struggling' with my kids. I've done it soooo much with- gfg15, that I'm just worn out.

    Why in the world can't I be lucky enough to have one of those real and true easy child, you know the ones that listen 90% of the time, the ones that respect and obey their Moms? Why does there always got to be an issue to work on?

    Well, off to cry while I finish cleaning house. I'll come back later in hopes that you have some suggestions. And ya, I've probably heard them all before, but so be it.
  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    If what you're doing isn't working, stop doing it.

    We don't ground, or send to room or anything like that because for difficult child 3, it is unenforcable and doesn't work anyway.

    What we do - we speak quietly and calmly, and say, "I'm not shouting/swearing at you, please don't shout/swear at me."

    it takes time, but if you
    a) don't lower yourself to her level, but instead set a higher standard and maintain it yourself; and

    b) persist, keep it up patiently, don't give up

    it does work.

    Kids swear. A lot. We were watching Mythbusters last week and they did a study on pain tolerance. They found (among other things) tat pain tolerance goes up, if you swear. When you don't swear, your tolerance of pain drops. Plus other people around our kids (including other kids) swear all the time. So maintain your own standards at home, but make sure that there are no double standards. If she wants to swear away from home or with friends, that is up to her. Swearing at home if she hits her thumb with a hammer - again, up to her. But rudeness to other people in your home, swearing at you when you are trying to help - the help stops. And you calmly say, "I'm not doing it to you, please don't do it to me." Then walk away. If that means her hair is half done, so be it. She clearly didn't want the help from you, if she chose to insult you. If she DOES want the help, she needs to ask nicely and not insult you.