This is just a vent. No responses needed. This place is my journal. Tonight I found out that someone who keeps coming back into my life has such skewed and negative ideas about me and my capabilities. It is disheartening and relationship killing, but I am unsure as to why it surprises me. Things I am not and never was and never could be are who she thinks I am or was and is totally sure she is correct. A "scary" person I am...one who was/is more to be feared than a long time disordered boyfriend who has been threatening her, even entering her house when she is not home. I have never broken the law, harmed anyone or even spanked my kids. Only my mother thought such oddball, strange things about me. She was toxic to me and thought many falsehoods about me. I did not need to hear that from her. So I didnt. For the first time, with a jolt, I realize that this other person is like my mother in regards to an "off" opinion of me. She doesnt respect me or know my inner core at all or have good feelings about me as a person. She apparently feels I am capable of violence, although I have never been violent. She would often cut me off for usually trite reasons and then decide when to bring me back in, and I have been forgiving and taken her back. Every time. While my husband and kids warn me not to. Until tonight. Until I found out she thinks I was or am capable of being "scarier" than this boyfriend. That is just too far fetched and crazy on her part. by the way she is addicted to this abusive man, as though he were a drug. She knows he is no good, but can not cut him out of her life, like she often did to me. In fact, she met a new man who is a gem and will leave her because the abusive man is still the one in her head. And she is lying to gem that he is the only one. I truly believe the situation is bad for me...i hate to enable her by non-stop talk about this horrible man...that I am scarier than (cough)...writing it down is so helpful. My life is good. Hers is a mess. I am the sane one now. Spoke with dear hubby who doesn't understand why I rekindle this relationship over and over again. He could hear part of the call. He was close to me while we had the end of the conversation and my cell phone is easy to hear. He feels it is bad for me to talk to her And, of course, feels she is not all right. I don't know what she is. All I know is that even while she is talking sweet to me, she has all these wild ideas in her head about how I am and crazy ideas about what I am capable of doing. I just don't want to have to justify that I am a safe, good person anymore. To anyone. Nobody should be in my life if the person doesn't know I am good and safe then there is no purpose for contact. Has anyone else kept giving anyone third chances when you know the person is not good for you? Why do we? Am I addicted to her like she is to abuser? What a mess. A mess I can't do anymore. Blocked her. Hub did too as she texts him. Tired from this conversation tonight. Hopefully done for good. I appreciate this safe place for me write my thoughts. Good night! Love you all.