Evil thoughts...

2much2recover

Well-Known Member
Well, Lil, his problem really was that you just weren't being manipulated into bring him the cigarettes. That shows you are getting stronger in saying the big old NO word! When he is unsuspectedly turned down he turns to bullying you by trying to make you feel sorry for him. Then you tell him all the good loving and right "mom" things and that's not what he wants to hear. He wants you to hear and react to: I need, fill in the blank. So, even though you haven't always liked how this group has supported you, you are definitely making progress. I still think you could benefit from a private, one one one or therapy for you and Jabber, to help you to identify and respond to his shenanigans. It takes work and you are definitely making progress, showing you need to change for your own peace of mind. However if you had a professional to help you with "these problems" and the agenda behind them, you could more quickly identify what is really going on.
If you get behind what's his actions are, described, maybe, just maybe, you can detach more from his neediness. And he is needy for sure, not a popular attribute in anyone. Maybe, for just a while you should go low contact, only text messaging until you can more clearly identify his motivations and methods of manipulation and the get stronger in the detachment part of your relationship. It is not detachment from him as a person, but detachment from his controlling and manipulations that should be next on your agenda. You two, are in no way the bad guys here, and as you think about it your son is always trying to find a way to once again take advantage of you even if it's as small as a pack of smokes. It's sad really, however even this low level of manipulating keeps you "caught" by him, his immaturity, his irresponsibility, these things ping your heart and will always bug you until you go deeper and understand when you are being asked for help directly vs manipulation. Getting wise to these games only strengthens you and leads to your own happiness, beyond your relationship with your son. I do hope if you detach and force him to make it on his own, he will live up, eventually, to the man you want him to be.
 

2much2recover

Well-Known Member
Instead of falling for his " feel sorry for me cause I live with cockroaches you should have said : we feel better having you in a cruddy apartment vs jail where we should have sent you for stealing from us. Thanks once again for the ingratitude!
 

Lil

Well-Known Member
Instead of falling for his " feel sorry for me cause I live with cockroaches you should have said : we feel better having you in a cruddy apartment vs jail where we should have sent you for stealing from us. Thanks once again for the ingratitude!

Really, I do wish I'd have thought of that.

I swear though, next time he mentions people stealing from HIM, I'm going to blast him with both barrels. It is apparent that he feels since he has so little and no money, that stealing from him is "worse". Well BS. Stealing from the people who raised you is worse!
 

2much2recover

Well-Known Member
I say this because apparently with him, the "nice informative, supportive mom" is not want he is interested in. What he is doing is using your emotions and good nature to whine about whatever it is. This is how your son manipulates and controls you. I hope you understand that I am only trying to open your eyes to what may really be going on with him. Since nice doesn't work, hitting him with facts, leaves no gray area for him to manipulate you. You can thank MY therapist for that nugget of wisdom LOL
 

Tanya M

Living with an attitude of gratitude
Staff member
Lil, I've had the same conversations with my son. Beyond frustrating!! I know just how you feel.
If he complains again about the cockroaches I would just simply reply, "you are free to move out and get your own place at any time, sorry the free ride we are giving you isn't up to your standards"

I don't know that I would take my vaccuum over there, you might bring home unwanted guests.
:beafraid:
 

Nikimoto

Pursuit of peace
You might want to check local laws (I know you're a lawyer so probably already know) - but if the place is that much of a rat hole there might be laws about not paying rent if the place isn't habitable or repairs aren't made in a timely fashion after notifying the landlord.
 

Nikimoto

Pursuit of peace
Can't figure out how to post a quote...
Refusing to pay rent for any reason is grounds for immediate eviction. Shitty landlords will let it slide for awhile, but that's why it's a shitty apt.?
 

Jabberwockey

Well-Known Member
Niki, I co-signed for the apartment so when he doesn't make the rent we pay it. It was the only way he was going to get an apartment at the time.

To quote someone, highlight it and it should give you the option to reply.
 

Lil

Well-Known Member
Refusing to pay rent for any reason is grounds for immediate eviction. :censored2:thank you landlords will let it slide for awhile, but that's why it's a :censored2:thank you apt.?

For the life of me I can't think of what naughty word you might have used. LOL It's not that easy to evict a person in our state...believe me I know, I've been a landlord!

But no...what's done is done. We'll pay until the lease is up June 1. Then it's his problem. He's been warned. They did come fix his water. I don't know about the stove. The bugs? Well he should have enough roach killer to keep them at bay now. It's a roof over his head and other than as stated, not my problem.

After all, he could have lived in a nice warm, bug-free house with satellite TV and high speed internet and car access and all expenses paid. All he had to do was get a job and not steal from us.
 

Lil

Well-Known Member


OH! I got it! Then censored word ends in t and y. Which, when written together become "thank you".

Dear moderators:

Please consider doing away with the autocorrect for t and y...I have now seen the this and the NAME that is spelled T and y as thank you and it's very confusing! I imagine that it's only if T and Y are alone together - not in a word like city.

(I'll erase this sentence in a few - just want to see if shitty does it if you don't self-censor.)

And it does. How shitty. LOL!
 

Jabberwockey

Well-Known Member
If you type just the letters t and y it will autocorrect to thank you.

And yes, I get it. Hence the use of crappy instead of the autocorrected word.
 
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