Jen, this is way too important to let whether she is drinking or not get in the way. She is old enough to know that she can either come with and drink in the car wtih you (or on bus, ferry, subway, however you need to get there) or she can stay home with someone and cope while you go there. maybe if she goes with you the two of you could find someplace to stop for a special drink (ice cream place that makes shakes or whatever).
Regardless, he could mess her up A LOT by interfering with school. If you have a lawyer, get the lawyer to get the papers. Otherwise do whatever is needed to get those papers ASAP. Otherwise the school has NO CHOICE other than to tell him what he asks and treat him the same way he treats you.
With the stuff he is doing, is it time to get a court date and ask the court to tell him to shove it? WOULD the judge do that?
If I remember right, hasn't his mom told you about a bunch of HIS mental health problems when he was a kid, stuff they never had looked at much less treated? Back then there simply wasn't much in the way of treatment for kids, not like now, but still. It could be used to help show the courts that he truly is NOT in any kind of emotional/mental state to be a healthy influence on her right now because he makes her issues much much worse and will not cooperate with the doctors regardless of what they say.
I can see why he would want to be involved in her life, and in her education. Esp if he thinks she is in trouble in any way. Most good parents would want to. His actions in the past do not show that he has her best interests at heart, or so I am remembering from his past koi. You may need to use his garbage and the courts to protect difficult child. Esp if all he is doing at school is creating problems that make difficult child's life worse. If you can show that, and you have a good judge, this may be best taken to court.
Be very aware that your ex may be trying to set things up to show that you are not a fit parent and do not have her best interests at heart. You NEED those court papers to protect your child and yourself. Especially if he is trying to get custody (this may be why he is going to the school - "Jen MUST be a bad mom because difficult child is never in school" kind of thing.
I am sorry you have this stress on top of everything, but it cannot be ignored or given low priority because it will cause huge problems and a LOT of pain for difficult child and you if you don't go ahead and deal with it now.
