Ex is at it again....vent!!!

[Californiablonde]

So my darling ex, who is infamous for skipping weekends at random, texted me on Sunday and told me he will be skipping two whole weekends in a row. No explanation. Just said it plain and matter of factly. When I asked him what the reason is, he told me it was none of my business. Well my boyfriend's birthday is this Saturday and I was going to take him out to a nice dinner, just the two of us. Not happening. Remember just two months ago when he did this very same thing on my birthday? Well he's doing it again, only this time he is going an entire month without seeing the kids at all. When I told the kids they wouldn't be seeing their dad again till December, difficult child 1 was furious.

Against my wishes, she texted her dad to ask him why he would not be seeing them. His response, "We have adult things to do for the next couple of weekends that do not include kids. difficult child wasn't buying it. She texted him again asking what he meant by "adult things to do". I told her to stop texting him because he was going to mistakenly think I was putting her up to it. Sure enough, her dad responds to her with "Tell your mom it's none of your business." I made difficult child respond back to him to tell him that it was HER idea to ask all those questions and not mine. He then texted her telling her she better stop texting him. difficult child finally backed off. I am just furious at him! Once again he ruins my plans, not to mention the fact that he is okay with not seeing his kids for a whole month?! I can't imagine being okay with going that long without seeing my children! And once again his child support check is late, and if I don't get it by Friday, we will be stuck completely broke for the weekend. Ugh!!!! Somebody tell me what I ever saw in this man??? Vent over.

 

[BusynMember]

What a jerk!!!! But don't feel bad...many of us had or have a jerky man in our lives. Sometimes they fool us at first, not your fault.

Feel bad for the kids. This is the guy that is going for custody??? LOLOL! Good luck with that. He'll be wasting a lot of money.

 

[KTMom91]

I hear you. Useless Boy went eight months without seeing Miss KT, back when she was about 5. Amazing how they just don't get what they're doing to the kids. Totally selfish. Now they have a very limited relationship and he can't figure out why. I'd be happy to tell him if only he'd ask me...

 

[Hopeless]

His loss and I feel bad for the kids and your special plans. Hugs

 

[DDD]

I do hope you are making notes on your personal calendar or keeping a journal or a diary. It's important to have a written record just in case you end up in Court again. DDD

 

[DammitJanet]

Its the kids who lose out. Parents who keep the kids away or dont want to see their kids are idiots. The kids know. Either get a sitter or have oldest watch youngest and you go out anyway. Your kids are old enough to spend a bit of time home alone together.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Save that text - and your difficult child's text sequence, too.
THAT kind of koi is GREAT documentation for "future reference"....

 

[susiestar]

Save that text. Put it in the notebook that you are keeping to document ALL contact with him - in person, text, phone call, etc... Then go ahead and tell the court that he is refusng visitation and it is harmng your children. Plus he is putting them in the middle, and judges abhor that!

 

[Californiablonde]

OH yes I make sure to save all his texts. I have proof of everything he has ever said to me for the last six months. Unfortunately I have years worth of lost texts due to the fact that my I phone broke and I had to switch it out for another one awhile back. I lost all the harrassing texts that evil stepmonster sent me too. But I do have on record everything he has texted me in the last six months at least. I am a bad note taker, so my mom is keeping track of every time he cancels visits so I have that documented as well. My mom is taking the kids over night on Saturday so I can still spend my boyfriend's birthday with him. Unfortunately the kids fight like cats and dogs if I leave them alone too long so leaving them at home alone for an extended period of time just isn't an option right now. I am grateful my mom will be giving us this time together. My boyfriend made my birthday awfully special this year and I want to do the same for him.

 

[Hound dog]

I hope you two have a great night out. And I hope the kids are angels for grandma for being so sweet to volunteer.

 

[witzend]

You know, I don't think I realized how old she was. The truth of it is, when they're 14 they kind of have a right to have it out with their dad when he acts like this. She wouldn't give you a pass when she's not happy with you. If he's being a lousy parent (he is) and it makes her angry, she should be able to tell him so.

You never know, maybe it'll wake him up enough that they can work things out.

 

[Californiablonde]

I agree, Witzend, she does have a right to have it out with her dad. Only problem is he blames me for it. He thinks I am the one who put her up to texting him, when in reality I didn't want her to, because I knew he would think it was coming from me and not her. She is almost 15 and has a mind of her own. He doesn't give her enough credit. She used to not speak her mind and hold things in when she got mad at her dad. She is getting braver and bolder in her older age. Too bad he can't see it for what it is. He thinks all is good and he couldn't be more wrong.

 

[witzend]

I agree, Witzend, she does have a right to have it out with her dad. Only problem is he blames me for it.

Who cares if he blames you for it? We all already know he's a lousy dad. He's not blaming you, he's scapegoating you. Next time she wants to let him have it, explain your concerns to her about about his triangulation and tell her it's just fine if she lets him have it, and that she needs to make sure that he gets the message that it's her talking, not you. He needs to understand that she is fairly well grown, and has her own opinions. His actions have consequences and his visitation isn't with you, it's with her so he'd best be ready to deal with the way she feels about him from now on.

 

[trinityroyal]

Well said, Witz.

CB, I know it's hard to separate your own feelings about your ex from your feelings about him as a parent. This seems to fall into the category of "giving him enough rope". From the sounds of things, your ex will blame you regardless, so perhaps it's time to remove yourself from the equation entirely.

Your daughter is old enough to deal with him directly, and is more likely to see him for what he is and accept his limitations sooner if she's dealing with it herself. Also, if she's learning to stand up for herself this is a great opportunity for her to hone her skills.

It's an unpleasant situation to have to deal with, but it is what it is.

Hugs,
Trinity

 

[KTMom91]

Miss KT has always dealt with her father directly...I remember when she was about 4, she called him and left a pathetic message that this was KT...his only daughter...and he needed to call her back. She also chewed him out for not being there when Grandad was dying, and she was all of 12.

I had to deal with Useless Boy with the important stuff, of course, but when he was slacking, she did a fine job of pulling him up and making him feel guilty.