Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Ex trying to force He-Who-Left-Family and Daughter to have Christmas together
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 641570" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Just a short reply for now.</p><p></p><p>Scott came when 37 was six years old. 37 had acquired an instant twin. It took me maybe one hour to figure out that this was the worst decision my ex and I had ever made. Since 37 couldn't amuse himself, we thought he'd like having a brother close in age. Wrong. If I ever made a horrible parenting choice, it was that one. 37 started picking on him from Day One, and, at the same time, kept telling me, throughout his childhood, that ex loved Scott best. He was right too. It's still true. Scott never did anything wrong and legally he still doesn't. So all through 37s childhood, after Scott came, all he heard from my ex was, "Why can't you be like Scott?" For that I feel very badly for him and it was part of the reason I divorced him, although hardly the only reason. </p><p></p><p>There is no drug use with Scott. Never was. Actually, 37s issues were not substance abuse related either when he was very young. </p><p></p><p>I want you to understand that Julie is a lot like you. Although she won't put up with Scott for what he has done to her, she won't call him out on his stuff either. There's no reason to do it. She just stays away from him. That's how she handles it. </p><p></p><p>I also want to say that I understand Scott. He was born in a country where being an orphan is like being nothing and they don't adopt there. I saw, as he grew, that he refused to stay a nobody, in his mind. He was going to be a success and "better" than everyone else and he has the smarts to do it. I commend him for that. He can't help that he lived in an orphanage for six years and has problems with attachment. I am glad his life is fruitful.</p><p></p><p>I just don't know him anymore. And that's exactly what Julie said. And she wants to keep it that way. He hurt her very deeply, is not sorry, and will continue to throw his money in her face. That doesn't make him a horrible person. He is coping the best he can with having grown up for six years in an orphanage, getting no love. He is not quite sure how to love. He either can't love or loves too intensely...and that's what being adopted at such an old age did to him. He does not and can not think of us as family. I get it.</p><p></p><p>GM, I do think it is important to learn that we can distance ourselves from those who are not nice to us, even if it's our family. In fact, it usually is! I hope your brother does not encourage your daughter to smoke weed. But you are doing what you have to do to take care of yourself...you can't live with your daughter who gets violent. She will have to deal with the weed problem herself. I see what you mean now by part of your family thinking there is nothing wrong with weed. We had a lot of stuff in our family, but substance abuse wasn't one. It may be the only issue we did not grow up with!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 641570, member: 1550"] Just a short reply for now. Scott came when 37 was six years old. 37 had acquired an instant twin. It took me maybe one hour to figure out that this was the worst decision my ex and I had ever made. Since 37 couldn't amuse himself, we thought he'd like having a brother close in age. Wrong. If I ever made a horrible parenting choice, it was that one. 37 started picking on him from Day One, and, at the same time, kept telling me, throughout his childhood, that ex loved Scott best. He was right too. It's still true. Scott never did anything wrong and legally he still doesn't. So all through 37s childhood, after Scott came, all he heard from my ex was, "Why can't you be like Scott?" For that I feel very badly for him and it was part of the reason I divorced him, although hardly the only reason. There is no drug use with Scott. Never was. Actually, 37s issues were not substance abuse related either when he was very young. I want you to understand that Julie is a lot like you. Although she won't put up with Scott for what he has done to her, she won't call him out on his stuff either. There's no reason to do it. She just stays away from him. That's how she handles it. I also want to say that I understand Scott. He was born in a country where being an orphan is like being nothing and they don't adopt there. I saw, as he grew, that he refused to stay a nobody, in his mind. He was going to be a success and "better" than everyone else and he has the smarts to do it. I commend him for that. He can't help that he lived in an orphanage for six years and has problems with attachment. I am glad his life is fruitful. I just don't know him anymore. And that's exactly what Julie said. And she wants to keep it that way. He hurt her very deeply, is not sorry, and will continue to throw his money in her face. That doesn't make him a horrible person. He is coping the best he can with having grown up for six years in an orphanage, getting no love. He is not quite sure how to love. He either can't love or loves too intensely...and that's what being adopted at such an old age did to him. He does not and can not think of us as family. I get it. GM, I do think it is important to learn that we can distance ourselves from those who are not nice to us, even if it's our family. In fact, it usually is! I hope your brother does not encourage your daughter to smoke weed. But you are doing what you have to do to take care of yourself...you can't live with your daughter who gets violent. She will have to deal with the weed problem herself. I see what you mean now by part of your family thinking there is nothing wrong with weed. We had a lot of stuff in our family, but substance abuse wasn't one. It may be the only issue we did not grow up with! [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Ex trying to force He-Who-Left-Family and Daughter to have Christmas together
Top