Exciting night with difficult child 2...NOT!!! (VERY long)

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by flutterby, Oct 10, 2009.

  1. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    difficult child 2 and his family moved to another county. His girlfriend is in the town I live - the town difficult child 2 used to live in.

    difficult child 2 stayed with me last night and went to Homecoming with his girlfriend and was supposed to be home (with me) at 11:30pm.

    He feels like no one trusts him (and we don't with good cause), but he's been trying so I tried to give him a little leeway. When he wasn't home at 12:05AM I called him (12AM is my curfew and the city's curfew for minors). Of course, he didn't answer which only means he's up to no good.

    I called his mom and she didn't know where he was. While I was on the phone with her, she had her other son call difficult child 2's girlfriend to see if she knew where he was. She had to be home by 11:30 and she was (she doesn't drink or do drugs or get into trouble like difficult child 2). girlfriend told brother that difficult child 2 was out drinking with 2 friends M and W. Brother didn't know M's last name and that's supposedly the house they were at. He did know W's last name. difficult child 2's mom tried to call girlfriend, but girlfriend wouldn't answer.

    So, I looked up the last name for W and found an address, but no phone number. It was now 12:15AM. Tried difficult child 2's cell again; no answer. His mom tried; no answer.

    So, I get easy child out of bed and tell him we have to go track down and drag difficult child 2's [hiney] home.

    We first went to W's house (at least we thought/hoped it was W's house). Lights were on, but nobody answered. We then went to girlfriend's house. Lights were on, but nobody answered.

    We waited a few minutes, called difficult child 2's mom, then easy child called girlfriend's phone. She answered. She wanted to know who he was and he told her it wasn't important; that he just needed to know where difficult child 2 was. She told him he was with 2 friends, but she didn't know who. I had easy child give me the phone.

    I told girlfriend that I knew that she had told brother that difficult child 2 was with M and W. And I said, "Here's the deal. If you don't tell me where difficult child 2 is so I can bring him home, I will violate his probation and he will go to jail. I'm not trying to be a B, but he's going to be 18 soon and it won't be juvy and drug and alcohol court anymore. It will be big boy jail." She gave me the address. I then told her that is she calls him and gives him a heads up and he's not there, that I'm going to violate him so it's not in his or her best interest to do that.

    We get to the address. We can hear all kinds of voices inside and I'm pretty darn sure I heard difficult child 2. Knock on the door - the hard knock like cops always do. And we hear....THUMP THUMP THUMP...of kids running upstairs.

    This man answers and he reeks of alcohol. I told him I needed difficult child 2. I must have had the Mom Look and the Mom Voice because he started to say ok and make me wait on the porch, but then let me in. There were several beer cans and a couple of bottles of whiskey on the table.

    He called for difficult child 2. I told him he needed to get him before he bolted or I would be calling the police - he's serving alcohol to minors. (I don't about other states, but they're really cracking down on that here and he would go to jail.) At about that time, 2 kids came down and I don't know if it was because they saw me or easy child (cause easy child went to school with them), but one of them said "Holy Bleep". Then they tried to say that the alcohol was old and that it had been there a while.

    I asked them if they thought I was stupid. I could smell it. And that I also could hear them thumping all the way up the stairs.

    difficult child 2 comes down and wants to know what the big deal is. I was beyond livid at that point and went off. "Are you [bleeping] kidding me??? You were supposed to be home; you weren't. You didn't call. You didn't answer when I called. You didn't let anyone know where you were. And you're here drinking." I then told him he was leaving, to get in the car. He refused. I said, "You either get in the car or I'm calling the police. It's up to you."

    He left the house and just kept going. I called the police about the residence - had to give them actual directions because they didn't know the address (don't know how). We drove around the complex trying to find difficult child 2 and saw the other 3 kids (another one came down just before difficult child 2 did) and we saw them going to the house that we went to first - W's house. So, I called the police back and let them know THAT address.

    We keep driving around the complex looking for difficult child 2 and this guy walking a German Shepherd stops us. He asked if we're looking for a kid. I said that we were. He wanted to know why. That made me uncomfortable, but easy child said that the kid was really angry and in a rage and we were just trying to bring him home. He said he saw 3 kids and I said that he wasn't with those kids; that he was by himself.

    Then a cop shows up and the guy with the dog waves toward him. We parked in case they wanted to talk to us, but then I told easy child to head that way. We stopped at the guy with the dog and I asked him if he was a cop. He said, "I may be." He smelled like he'd been drinking. And I was more than a bit freaked out. I told easy child to go. The guy said something and I said, "If you were a cop, you would have said so." He started to approach the car and I told easy child to GO. He probably was a cop - probably in the K-9 unit, but he creeped me out with the way he was acting and I don't know for sure that he is a cop, Know what I mean??

    We find the uniform cop totally lost walking across the complex trying to figure out where he was going. We tell him how to get there. I asked him if that guy was a cop and told him what he said, and he said he might be; that a few cops live in that complex.

    difficult child 2 calls his mom. He is totally not in his right mind. He is not on the right medications and I don't know why the psychiatrists won't put him on a MS. He's on 20mg (I think) Prozac and 5mg Zyprexa. He wouldn't tell her where he was...just that he was walking. Which will get him picked up because it's after curfew.

    I'm talking off and on with his mom and he seemed to finally calm down and he told her he would be where he was going in 10 minutes and he would call her when he got that.

    In the meantime, difficult child 2 texted easy child and told him that I treat him like a bleeping criminal and that he still wants to be friends with easy child, but he doesn't think he'll be over here anymore. easy child responded that he's on probation and that I was just trying to keep him out of trouble, but that he got himself into more trouble.

    Sigh.... Long, long night.

    difficult child 2's mom said she's going to call me tomorrow (Sunday) to talk about the different mood stabilizers so that she has names of medications to talk to the psychiatrist about. I've been saying for months that the boy needs Lamictal - he's more on the depressive end. He definitely has the skewed thinking of one with bipolar and honestly doesn't think he did anything wrong and that I was overreacting by being out looking for him.

    I hate mental illness.
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2009
  2. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Oh...and while we were talking to the guy with the dog, he yelled to someone, "Is J home?", which makes me wonder if he had a kid there at the party. I couldn't decide if he looked old enough to have a teenager or not.

    And not to be snobby, but the kids difficult child 2 was with looked like common criminals. The kind that if you were working in a convenient store at night by yourself and they came in, you'd be nervous. I'm not saying that difficult child 2 is any better, because he's obviously a criminal, too.

    Hopefully, they won't want to hang with difficult child 2 anymore because of the trouble and it will be 3 less friends for him to drink and do drugs with. I know there's always more, but at least it would be 3 less.

    My head is all over the place. I'm so flipping angry. With my difficult child, I want to gouge my eyes out. With difficult child 2, I want to gouge HIS eyes out. At least then he couldn't get into trouble because he couldn't go anywhere!!! :winks:


    Did I mention that I hate mental illness?
  3. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Update: difficult child 2's mom called me at 4am and he's home. He was hiding in the field at the end of the street that the complex is on, without a coat (it's 38 degrees outside) and scared because the cops were outside the apartments he was going to go back to.

    So, he's home and safe, and I don't feel bad about him being out in the cold without a coat because it got him home.

    His mom told him he could have come to my house and he said, "Hell no", so he's obviously mad at me. I can handle that. I'd rather have him mad at me and safe, then out doing what he was doing. Or going back to the friends and drinking and doing more drugs.

    I love this kid like he's my own. And I would have done the same thing had it been my own. It's just that when he gets mad, he gets enraged and there is no reasoning with him at all.

    He needs the right medications. Soon, he'll be 18 and there will be nothing we can do. We have a very small window of opportunity to try to get him to see the light.

    Please keep good thoughts. He's not a bad kid, no matter how mad he makes me and no matter how often he shoots himself in the foot. :tongue: He has such a beautiful heart. You should see him with younger kids and animals - he's so protective and nurturing. Please rattle some beads that the psychiatrist will wise up and get him on medications that actually help him. And that we - or someone, anyone - can get through to him.

    Thanks for listening.
  4. TPaul

    TPaul Idecor8

    Glad that he got home safe!

    Also I commend you on sticking to your guns and doint what was best for him even when you knew that he would be very upset with you.

    Hoping that he gets on the right path too.

    Hugs and thoughts,
    T. Paul
  5. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Oh Flutter, I am so sorry. They just don't, can't and will never have a normal thinking process untill they are medicated correctly. And that is so bleeping hard. It has to be so hard having him so close to 18. He has no idea what he could be headed for, and he won't listen if you try to tell.

    You may have to sit back and watch him suffer the consequences of his actions.

    I hope his mom can get him on the right medications. Off the prozac, on a ms and maybe keep the zyprexa. husband's pain doctor was asking if he could take an ad to help with his pain (this was the same day he was admitted to psychiatric hospital) and I said that is usually not recomended in BiPolar (BP)--he just wanted me to ask psychiatrist. I have not. I wonder if the prozac is causing your difficult child 2 more problems.
  6. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I got the medication info wrong. They Difficult Child'd the prozac and lowered the zyprexa to 5mg because he was sleeping ALL the time, and the psychiatrist added welbutrin. He's still not on the right medications, though.

    I guess he's calmer today. He sent a text to easy child's girlfriend to tell easy child and me that he's sorry; that it was a bad moment.

    Ya think?

    His mom brought him over to get his stuff and he didn't want to come him, but she made him while she waited in the car. It didn't matter; I was asleep. I didn't get to sleep until early this morning - it was light out.

    He still has a lot of skewed thinking over the whole event. I guess that's par for the course, huh.

    The scary thing is, if he hadn't gone home, he would have been gone for days. When he goes off like this, it takes days and there is a lot of drinking and a lot of drugs usually involved. Apparently, one of the kids did get picked up, but I'm not sure about that. According to difficult child 2, there was a midnight arraignment and the kid has already been sentenced, blah, blah, blah. See the distorted thinking? Not only does that not happen, it was after 1AM when I called the police.
  7. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I wonder if they need to try a different ap other than the zyprexa in compbination with lamictal or a ms. I know that difficult child takes abilify , husband took it (can't due to tardive) and it worked great other than the formentioned side effect from husband. It was the only medication that allowed to get up before the clock said pm. That and geodon, but geodon started the blasted tardive. I sure miss those medications. He does to.