Exhausted from his lies, yelling, perseverance

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Apr 27, 2012.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    OMG, what a crazy couple of wks. I am exhausted.
    If difficult child's lips are moving, he's lying.
    He insists he assumes things and thinks it's the real thing, so just tells us whatever ...

    1) Signed a field trip permission form and gave him $10 cash ... permission form was in his pocket 3 days later. No cash. Stomach ache from eating nachos at school ... says $10 in locker. HA!
    2) Hangs out a friends' house for 3 hrs while we go to performing arts ctr reception. Find out later (from a friend) that one of the brother's snuck out of the house that night. Friend saw him being questioned by police 3 blks from home. difficult child says he snuck out, grandmother called police, police took him home.
    3) Call grandmother 4 days later, she has no idea and says he was in his room. difficult child throws fit because he "assumed" that was what happened, but didn't know the g'ma didn't call the police so it was my fault that I told her!
    4) difficult child wants to go to same friends', says it's fine, gets in my face over and over asking why not
    5) difficult child is late for baseball, won't get off Xbox, I pull plug, WWIII explodes
    6) Skip baseball, difficult child threatens to walk (aka run away) but problem walk to sneak-out friend's, says we don't love him, gets in my face screaming and spitting as he talks
    7) husband to the rescue! Threatens to shut off difficult child's ph if he leaves, difficult child stays in room (Why didn't I think of that)
    8) difficult child is 5 assignments behind in Spanish, says he has no homework. I tell him to stay for tutoring Tue, he says she's not there. Teacher emails and says she is there every Tue and Thurs
    9) difficult child stays after Thur but it is for MATH :hamwheelsmilf:
    10) difficult child calls to tell me there is no after school bus Thur so I have to pick him up, which means I have to cancel my massage appointment
    11) Get to school, long line of cars of parents, plus 3 busses in back
    12) difficult child says he didn't know lie lie lie:sochildish:
    13) Have to sleep with-my purse in case difficult child steals credit card again for XBox points or renewal
    14) difficult child YELLS I'M HUNGRY like a 2-yr-old and BRING ME SOMETHING to EAT. I say NO and walk away.
    15) difficult child leaves food and wrappers everywhere, dogs and cats get into it, cat urine in his room, his own urine on his bed
    16) difficult child washes 2 pans and 1 cookie sheet and screams at me because He's DONE his CHORES so he
    should be able to do whatever he wants:sochildish:

    17) Weekend is here ... just shoot me
    18) Oh, picture day for baseball is coming up and difficult child won't shave. I told him he has to ... do I want a thug or a teen in these photos?
  2. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    The joys! Sounds like my young difficult child. Mouth moving, lies coming out! School work, lies. No homework? Right, tons of it but I've given up on that battle now.

    Video games? Oh my, the bane of my existence. We've taken it away and it's been gone (both wii and handheld) for weeks. Refuses to get off them or do anything. Lost tv, bike, new roller blades (he bought at yard sale). Kid has nothing at moment but still doesn't care. He still stays out when shouldn't on foot. Only now I know where he is and it's at one particular house with an adult (a gentleman who is a scout leader and dentist by trade) who has attached himself to said difficult child. difficult child has been continuously working at his house (odd jobs) and in turn this guy is helping him get things for his $40 riding mower he bought that needs repairs. He's also helping him repair it. The guy also has an interest in cars so that is the bit draw for my difficult child.

    Anyway, what we've done lately with the lying bit is demand the truth the first time instead of layers of lies down the road to the truth and not be mad when we get it. So far, after about a week and a half, we've pretty much gotten the truth within the the first time or second layer of asking. Not 4,5, 6, etc layers of different stories (lies).

    Don't know what to tell you for yours.
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you. I could get our friend/landscaper, W, to take difficult child under his wing as your dentist neighbor has done, but I hate to lay that on him. He's got an entire crew to take care of and has to pay attention to them using all that equipment. Hmm.
    Yes, the truth ... the first time ...
  4. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    OMW Terry it sounds like my house ! HUGS honey ... I just posted a thread that I just want to give up. Sometimes I really feel that way ...
  5. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Ugh. I wish I had words of advice, but in the middle of it myself. Hugs.
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Any chance he's dealing with Auditory Processing Disorders (APD)?

    It's like so many hearing disabilities (but it isn't, it's a listening disability...)
    You catch some small part, assume the rest, and consistently end up wrong.
    You do what you "heard". No body else does what you say. Life isn't fair.

    (so far, the Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) person is right... life isn't fair, but for reasons they don't understand)

    Look at it this way.
    If a kid starts out by being honest and telling the truth, and the truths he states are not believed at best and taken for lies and excuses at worst... how long does it take before the poor kid is totally confused about what it true and what is false?

    been there done that. in the past... thank goodness.
  7. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    With all 3 of my difficult child's the only time I can count on complete honesty is if they are bleeding enough to need a hospital. Even then the only way I know it is the truth is because I can clearly see we are going to need more then a band-aid.
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sounds like you need a tropical island getaway!!! (((hugs)))
  9. V. Rita Ellis

    V. Rita Ellis New Member

    Hi, I can resonate with you. I have never had much lying from my oldest adult child(though he has asked me for loans) but my next youngest is another story.

    The "Truth' of her deceitfulness hit the fan around age 16 and just escalated till she was escorted out of my home at age 20.By than she was lying,stealing,became violent and we pretty much had no contact for 6 months till she tried reconnecting(Which was good for about a month) till she started playing the It's your fault" and the "name calling" games and begging for money when she is working and has her own place.
    I just do not have any more time for this mistreatment from her. Now she has to call another person (a relative screens the call) before she can call me,I will talk to her but only under certain rules I've laid down plainly to her.
    Good Luck Dear, Hugs, Rita
  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sounds like a rough, rough week. Wiz did the no homework lie too. My parents solved it by insisting on 1 hr of homework each night. No exceptions except Sat and Sun IF he had done his hour through the week. If he didn't bring home something, they gave him an assignment and it HAD to be DONE before he could stop. Long, BOOOOOORING assignments from my dad and mom seemed to do the trick after several months of arguing and trying to get out of it. My dad can perseverate on an issue like only an Aspie can, and he chose THAT to perseverate on with Wiz. I almost felt sorry for Wiz because I remember Dad doing it with gfgbro too. There is a lot to be said for not bucking every rule and flying under the radar - that is how I got out of it!
  11. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Our psychiatric told us to NOT BELIEVE anything he said - and follow him to check up on even him going to the bathroom. It was exhausting but after six weeks? The majority of the lying stopped - because you get tired of people in the same house follwing you EVERYWHERE and saying (AND I REPEAT)


    He'd say - I'm going to the bathroom -
    I'd get up and say "Okay I'm going to follow and see."
    He'd get annoyed - but I'd follow and he'd slam the door and scream "I'm in here see?" and I would say "YES, I believe you, I followed you. I believe that you are in the bathroom. You told the truth. Thank you.

    He'd say - I'm going to my room -
    Id get up and say "Okay I'm going to follow and see."
    Hed get annoyed - But I'd follow and he'd go in the room anyway and yell "I'm in here see?" and i would say "Yup, I believe you, I followed you. I believe that you are in the bedroom. You told the truth. Thank you.

    He'd say - I'm going outside in the yard -
    I'd get up and follow him outside
    He'd say "LEAVE ME ALONE - I'm just going outside"
    I'd say "Nope If I don't see you do something, I don't believe you - You lie about the simplest things - so I have to follow you to make sure you are telling me the truth about anything."

    Then he'd walk back in the door and say "HA I did'nt go outside I"M INSIDE so THERE....nyeah."
    And I'd say "Oh you changed your mind? I see - Thats not lying that's changing your mind. Lying would have been saying you were going to go down to your friends house, and then going to the store. Changing your mind isn't lying - but you let me know where you were so you were NOT lying."

    Even if he went into the kitchen.......it made him nuts - and when he did lie? He got to stand in the corner with his nose in it....for 3 full minutes. If he took his nose out? Time started over. HE HATED that. But three minutes nose in - no turning......then I would say punishment over - you may resume your activities or would you like to play a game or go for a walk.....just to let him know punishment over, anger over - 'thing' over.

    It made us NUTS.....but it was worth it.
  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Susie and Star, we used to do that, but I got out of the habit. I think he is regressing. Time to go back to square one.

    Thank you, everyone.

    Good news: I have a massage today, and got rid of a headache I've had for 4 days. :)
  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    GGlad your headache went away. I never could get Wiz to do the homework thing. He would get mad and hit me instead. Not that it got him out of it, but I would have to let us both cool down and then address it again and it really upset all of us. Hence livng iwth my parents and Wiz having to deal with Aspie Gpa who believes that homework is the MOST important thing you can do. Drove Wiz NUTS. So did Gpa's stream of conscious babble (it is nonstop) about endlessly irrelevantly boring trivia like the weather in some part of the world you have never heard of and how some ball player from fifty years ago wore size 12 shoes and how if a frog farts then somewhere a flea is born. Or whatever. Except when watching tv when the endless babble becomes a nonstop string of how unrealistic every tiny detail of the show is. Ever try watching CSI or Law and Order iwth someone who will babble endlessly about how they got the law wrong or the science wrong on not just the big parts but the tiny details that have NOTHING to do with the show or anything else?? That is what my dad does.

    My mom was SOOOOOOO HAPPY to have another person living in the house. My dad followed her around all day and all night iwth this stuff - and he NEVER stops. Plus he has that teacher tone that makes you know there WILL be a quiz on this which literally was making her think about killing him.

    in my opinion it was EXACTLY what Wiz deserved, lol. It was even kinda fun to watch the confusion in Wiz when he realized exactly how many hours a day Gpa could do that. My dad has chronic insomnia and he can do that 20 hrs a day for five or six days a week.

    When difficult child is bugging you too much, imagine him living with an Aspie who perseverates on MAKING him hear and listen to all of that. Brings a real smile to your face to imagine the confusion because they just don't know how ANYONE can do that - even if THEY do that!

    Terry, does your doctor know how often you have headaches and how long they last? There are things that can be done to help with that. I hate to think of you with a headache for 4 days straight. I know how awful that is. If difficult child bugs you too much when you have a headache, I have a sure-fire way to get him to NEVER do that again. Just barf on him. seriously. Wiz would never leave me alone until one day he blocked the way to the bathroom because he wanted something and I had a bad migraine. After that he wouldn't let anyone near me when I had one. Only time he would do that, but boy did it stick in his memory. If you haven't talked to the doctor about headaches, start keeping a journal of how often you get them and how long they last and by the time you see the doctor you should have some helpful info.

    Even if they are caused by tension/stress, there are still things that can really help prevent them. (((((hugs)))))
  14. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    OMG, Susie, I was already smiling while I was reading about Wiz's grandpa following around Wiz and perseverating about homework, and then I got to the part about barfing on him. ROFL!!!
    I can't wait for the next headache!!!

    I think this one was the result of too much driving, two weekends in a row. Sitting in the car, either as a passenger or a driver, mimicks the way I hold my head at the computer (oops, here I am ...) and I tend to jut my chin forward, sord of like Howard on Big Bang. Very bad for my neck. Lots of osteophytes.
    The massage, plus chiropractic, plus, getting out and exercizing help a lot.
    I've got fiorocet and Imitrex when I need it. It's just that I should really take a whole one, then lie down with-an ice pack. But I bite them in half and keep running. You know how that is...
  15. Holden

    Holden New Member

    Be careful if you have migraines, they can progress and become permanently worse and it would be a tragedy if someone got blamed.
  16. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I don't understand. Who would get blamed? I have to force myself to take a break and lie down or I'll only have myself to blame.
  17. A dad

    A dad Active Member

    How old is he?
    Now I will give you hope its that perseverance. My opinion is that perseverance is the second most important quality that every human should have the first is being a good person but in my youngest I really wanted to see perseverance from him to see him struggle to get something to have passion for something but he only does that when he does not have a choice or someone tells him to.But he is a good person its just that I do not think its enough.
    You son has it and if its directed in the right way he could do great things.
  18. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi A dad,

    this post was pulled up by a new member and the originator started in over 3 years ago!
  19. OldMom61

    OldMom61 New Member

    MC seems to also be regressing. H