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<blockquote data-quote="dayatatime" data-source="post: 634106" data-attributes="member: 17805"><p>Thank you for the responses. I am somehow feeling a bit more stamina right now. I do have a great therapist-- been with him for the last 5 or so years-- he's guided me through so much.</p><p></p><p>While it doesn't give me pleasure that you too have had trouble with just the sound of your difficult children voices, it is comforting. It becomes so easy to feel like I just don't exist. I have plenty of alonon under my belt, though I haven't been very active for a while-- that would be a good thing to return to (speaking of detachment). </p><p></p><p>My apartment is loft style there aren't doors between rooms. I have other structural problems like that but, financially, I'm not moving for another 2 years. I saw my psychiatrist today and he reminded me that this will end because, if nothing else, difficult child will become an adult. I liked that. It's a little obvious, but it felt good.</p><p></p><p>Diagnosis-- it's a bit in the air at the moment. It had been conduct disorder, anxiety disorder, and canabis abuse. (I know-- neruosych... hopefully I may be able to get that through the day treatment-- but they are expensive).... Then he stopped the pot because he was getting drug tests through court and took up the synthetic, which was really bad and he got really sick and is actually trying to be sober or his own accord. Truth be told, there are many positive moves. I took him shopping a couple time because he has sudden interest in his appearance (this was during the period he took the Risperidone) and the poor child didn't even know how dressing room works-- that's how unwilling he has always been to go shopping and how much he really didn't care so long as he didn't have be bothered with how the clothes show up in his drawers.... </p><p></p><p>I feel cruel. I'm thinking a lot about how the last hour of a long road trip can feel like three hours, whereas three hours in the beginning or at the middle can feel like one hour. We are very close to higher levels of care. I don't see how the family therapy piece is going to come and we really need that... patience is hard.</p><p></p><p>Today I came home slowly, ate out before I got home. That's a self care strategy that works well for me-- making sure I'm fed and fed without anyone ranting at me. And not having to cope with difficult children kitchen mess. </p><p></p><p>School... well- first he just stopped attending- or he went maybe once a week. Then we did an intervention program that wanted me to try homeschooling him since he wouldn't go. As you can imagine that didn't go too well. Then he was stuck on the homeschool roster because the only way to get him off was to bring him to the office of student enrollment and he wouldn't go. I had him arrested, which I totally wish I'd done years earlier and we now have better resources (ie a judge) so he now must go to school or go to jail. He was in jail for about 10 days a couple months ago and he didn't like it. </p><p></p><p>Back to diagnosis- he stopped smoking the synthetic weed and got totally manic-- like thinking he was Jesus.... it has toned down a bit but there's this level of energy for irritability that is at a new height. So little is known about the fake weed that no one really knows what's going on-- maybe he was bipolar and the pot was masking it, maybe it's a reaction to stopping and his brain will go back, maybe it's a reaction and his brain is just like this now. </p><p></p><p>He also has constant physical complaints. This weekend he was sure he was having a heart attack and we went to the ER. Now his heals have torn muscle tissue and he needs immediate PT or he's at risk for more damage.... it doesn't end. I think that's the biggest thing-- when "normal" people ask me how things are going the piece they don't get is that the situation is just difficult and there's little hope of that changing any time soon. I suppose there have been times when I've dealt with it better and worse. Right now I know I need to figure out things that I would enjoy and do them-- I need more pleasant events. And I need to stay out of the house as much as possible, though I'm very much a homebody-- introverted, I prize quiet.... libraries are good places for me. And museums. My journal is good for me. I like the idea of pretending he's a tv show.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dayatatime, post: 634106, member: 17805"] Thank you for the responses. I am somehow feeling a bit more stamina right now. I do have a great therapist-- been with him for the last 5 or so years-- he's guided me through so much. While it doesn't give me pleasure that you too have had trouble with just the sound of your difficult children voices, it is comforting. It becomes so easy to feel like I just don't exist. I have plenty of alonon under my belt, though I haven't been very active for a while-- that would be a good thing to return to (speaking of detachment). My apartment is loft style there aren't doors between rooms. I have other structural problems like that but, financially, I'm not moving for another 2 years. I saw my psychiatrist today and he reminded me that this will end because, if nothing else, difficult child will become an adult. I liked that. It's a little obvious, but it felt good. Diagnosis-- it's a bit in the air at the moment. It had been conduct disorder, anxiety disorder, and canabis abuse. (I know-- neruosych... hopefully I may be able to get that through the day treatment-- but they are expensive).... Then he stopped the pot because he was getting drug tests through court and took up the synthetic, which was really bad and he got really sick and is actually trying to be sober or his own accord. Truth be told, there are many positive moves. I took him shopping a couple time because he has sudden interest in his appearance (this was during the period he took the Risperidone) and the poor child didn't even know how dressing room works-- that's how unwilling he has always been to go shopping and how much he really didn't care so long as he didn't have be bothered with how the clothes show up in his drawers.... I feel cruel. I'm thinking a lot about how the last hour of a long road trip can feel like three hours, whereas three hours in the beginning or at the middle can feel like one hour. We are very close to higher levels of care. I don't see how the family therapy piece is going to come and we really need that... patience is hard. Today I came home slowly, ate out before I got home. That's a self care strategy that works well for me-- making sure I'm fed and fed without anyone ranting at me. And not having to cope with difficult children kitchen mess. School... well- first he just stopped attending- or he went maybe once a week. Then we did an intervention program that wanted me to try homeschooling him since he wouldn't go. As you can imagine that didn't go too well. Then he was stuck on the homeschool roster because the only way to get him off was to bring him to the office of student enrollment and he wouldn't go. I had him arrested, which I totally wish I'd done years earlier and we now have better resources (ie a judge) so he now must go to school or go to jail. He was in jail for about 10 days a couple months ago and he didn't like it. Back to diagnosis- he stopped smoking the synthetic weed and got totally manic-- like thinking he was Jesus.... it has toned down a bit but there's this level of energy for irritability that is at a new height. So little is known about the fake weed that no one really knows what's going on-- maybe he was bipolar and the pot was masking it, maybe it's a reaction to stopping and his brain will go back, maybe it's a reaction and his brain is just like this now. He also has constant physical complaints. This weekend he was sure he was having a heart attack and we went to the ER. Now his heals have torn muscle tissue and he needs immediate PT or he's at risk for more damage.... it doesn't end. I think that's the biggest thing-- when "normal" people ask me how things are going the piece they don't get is that the situation is just difficult and there's little hope of that changing any time soon. I suppose there have been times when I've dealt with it better and worse. Right now I know I need to figure out things that I would enjoy and do them-- I need more pleasant events. And I need to stay out of the house as much as possible, though I'm very much a homebody-- introverted, I prize quiet.... libraries are good places for me. And museums. My journal is good for me. I like the idea of pretending he's a tv show. [/QUOTE]
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