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Expectations bleh
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<blockquote data-quote="Deni D" data-source="post: 754206" data-attributes="member: 22840"><p>I’m with a lot of the others, sounds way too familiar to me.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Here’s the deal mom I’ll do something for me so you will also do something for me. Entitled much?</p><p></p><p></p><p>And the clincher I’ll do something for you (if there’s some miracle you can make me do anything after I get what I want) and you do something for me.</p><p></p><p>Of course you know it’s all bs, but please don’t let the “what if’s” get to you down the road. You know it’s the same game.</p><p></p><p>The truth is he may or may not be able to figure things out on his own, but he certainly will not if he’s able to continue using the same non-solutions he’s used in the past. I know I’m preaching to the choir here and you are very aware, just stating it.</p><p></p><p>I’ve taken to very short responses to these kind of situations. Like ~ “I’m sure you will figure out what you need to do for yourself.” or “I'm glad to hear you are taking care of yourself. I know you can do whatever you need to do for you to be in a good place both mentally and physically.” These responses are basic and easy in text or email, not so much when my son gets me on the phone from an unrecognized number. In those cases, with much distance, I’ve been able to remain quiet and calm, I don’t even disagree with his crazy accusations against me. When he starts calling me names I tell him “no one speaks to me like this anymore” and I hang up. </p><p></p><p>These times have been becoming less and less, surprisingly my son has been able to keep a roof over his head without my help for over a year and a half. It could be because he has people who enable him (which is true) but one thing I'm sure of is there's no way he can be treating anyone the way the treated me and is able to get them to help him. </p><p></p><p>I don’t know if he’s figuring out life better these days but I know he’s figuring out I’m a different person than the one he used and abused in the past.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Deni D, post: 754206, member: 22840"] I’m with a lot of the others, sounds way too familiar to me. Here’s the deal mom I’ll do something for me so you will also do something for me. Entitled much? And the clincher I’ll do something for you (if there’s some miracle you can make me do anything after I get what I want) and you do something for me. Of course you know it’s all bs, but please don’t let the “what if’s” get to you down the road. You know it’s the same game. The truth is he may or may not be able to figure things out on his own, but he certainly will not if he’s able to continue using the same non-solutions he’s used in the past. I know I’m preaching to the choir here and you are very aware, just stating it. I’ve taken to very short responses to these kind of situations. Like ~ “I’m sure you will figure out what you need to do for yourself.” or “I'm glad to hear you are taking care of yourself. I know you can do whatever you need to do for you to be in a good place both mentally and physically.” These responses are basic and easy in text or email, not so much when my son gets me on the phone from an unrecognized number. In those cases, with much distance, I’ve been able to remain quiet and calm, I don’t even disagree with his crazy accusations against me. When he starts calling me names I tell him “no one speaks to me like this anymore” and I hang up. These times have been becoming less and less, surprisingly my son has been able to keep a roof over his head without my help for over a year and a half. It could be because he has people who enable him (which is true) but one thing I'm sure of is there's no way he can be treating anyone the way the treated me and is able to get them to help him. I don’t know if he’s figuring out life better these days but I know he’s figuring out I’m a different person than the one he used and abused in the past. [/QUOTE]
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