Explosive blow up today.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by layne, May 16, 2014.

  1. layne

    layne Member

    Long story short. difficult child received a spider bite. Got infected to hell and beyond. Didn't know it until she showed it to me. It looked BAD. I said we got to go to the doctors NOW. Instead of being thankful for my concern, she freaked out in rage saying she is not going, called me every name in the book, the whole neighborhood heard us , she threw a glass vase and shattered it in the kitchen and worst of all (for her) her new boyfriend witnessed the whole thing. I am so glad he was there or she would have attacked me. What made her feel even more dumb than she was already being is that he said "why are you acting like this? Your mom just cares about you. Just go to the doctor, it's not that big a deal". I think he stayed because he saw I was afraid or he would have left. She just showed who she really was to her boyfriend and she knows it's bad because we talked about it numerous times and she is well aware of how bad it makes her look because she had several friends who put her in her place and also stopped being friends with her because of how she treats me. But she never learns. Just like she got herpes. You would think after so many people telling her it's wrong the way she treats me and the way she's living, you would think she get it. Of course she will blame me for it all, every last bit of it and then some. I finally got her to go to the hospital in case your wondering because her boyfriend helped make her go. As much as I just wanted to say eff it, I didn't want her to lose her leg to an infection. The point of all this is, she probably is going to lose her boyfriend, the one who accepted her for her herpes. I know how it's going to go, he's going to leave her because no one respects anyone who don't respect their mother. I could tell he thought it was horrid. The worst criminals in prison look down on people who mistreat their mothers. She knows this and she will blame me for making her look bad and possibly losing her boyfriend when she gets back home, which then.... I think she will kill me. Yes I do fear for my life when this happens. I tried everything, there is nothing I can do until she is 18 which won't be too much longer, than I leave this hell for good and she will really see how it is in the real world.
  2. jugey

    jugey Active Member

    Sorry to hear you've had to endure another blow up! It just doesn't make any sense, does it!? The circumstance you describe is very familiar. If you had seemed unconcerned, she probably would have blown up too. No win situations are my life! I hope she hasn't scared the boyfriend away, but if he's got anything about him, he should probably run! Sorry to say that, but I think that of many new people that arrive in our difficult child's life....it's always just a matter if time....sigh. I'm really sorry! I hope tomorrow is a better day!

    Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app
  3. layne

    layne Member

    Thank you jugey. I don't know, I am just hyper worried right now at what the boyfriend is going to think of her after all this , it can turn out bad. He can look at this situation and turn into full disrespect mode towards her, which will lead to her being unhappy, to them breaking up , for her blaming me for it and her violently attacking me for it.
  4. jugey

    jugey Active Member

    Do you call the police when she gets violent? If not, you should be! I know it's hard. I've only ever called once, but I vow to call each and every time it happens again. A very clear boundary needs to be set! You should not be living with such fear of your her. It's not right!

    Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app
  5. layne

    layne Member

    By the way, I don't know if I said this or not, but she has a staph infection on her leg!
  6. jugey

    jugey Active Member

    No you didn't say.....sorry to hear that.....the hits just keep on coming!

    Hang in there Layne!

    Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app
  7. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    If she gets violent, do call the police. You would call the police if anyone else got violent with you and anyone but you will call the police on her if she goes off on THEM. She needs to learn that this is not OK and that you demand respect while she lives in your house.

    Her boyfriend is a kid and, regardless, it is natural consequences of her behavior that he will break up with her. That is something she will learn a lot in her life. If you treat people like dirt, there are natural consequences. One of them is you lose people who were in your life. Nobody wants to see somebody act that way.

    Chances that they would have gotten married are thankfully very slim. They are too young. Your daughter is in no state of mind to even think of marriage. I hope she doesn't get married for ten years and hopefully by then she will have gotten better.

    As for medical issues, at eighteen you can't make her go to a doctor so she will suffer natural consequences (serious illness) if she refuses to seek out medical treatment when she is legal. It's all natural consequences. That is how difficult children learn, if they learn. It's not what we tell them. It's not how we raised them. They are wired differently and are not your typical young adults. It is not your fault.

    Hang on. She's almost eighteen.
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sending some supporting hugs your way. Please stay safe.
  9. Gwenage

    Gwenage New Member

    If you are afraid for your life call the police. They will put her in a 72 hour hold and probably a 21 day hold. If she does something bad enough for probation there will be court ordered counseling and medication. He state pays for that here.

    Sometimes being in a hospital is the best for the kids. I work with therapeutic teenagers in the foster care system in Difficult Child as a lead social worker. I love some of those kids as if they were my own but I will still call the police on them to get them the help they need.

    Put on your own oxygen mask for assisting any child traveling with you.