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"Explosive Child" Parenting Techniques & Spouse
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 33502" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>You both need to be working as a team on this for it to have a good chance. If you're not, what happens is you stop being the ogre for your child, but husband becomes the focus of all opposition. I can't count the times difficult child 3 slams into his room because husband got 'heavy' with him - difficult child 3 resents it coming from husband, sees him as an obstacle. husband has been really working hard on using the Ross Greene techniques, but there was a delay in him being able to use the techniques (lots of reasons - I get more practice than he does; I read the book first; it took him some time to understand it and more to be able to implement it, especially when he's really tired). That delay meant that we were falling into the trap of "good cop, bad cop" which is NOT good.</p><p></p><p>husband really tried to read the book; he just couldn't. He kept falling asleep and his mind 'bleeped over' a lot of passages. He was willing to come on board, we just had trouble finding ways to give him the techniques.</p><p></p><p>So what did we do? I summarised it for him (I did it as a book review and I've shared copies around). It was a good test - if I could understand the book well enough to summarise it for husband, then it helped me consolidate the information even more. I could give you a copy of the summary, if you want, but writing your own is really good exercise for you. But then I read the posts that arose on Early Childhood and found them even better than my summary. So I figure - if you can get your partner/child's teacher/grandparents to read the book, that's great. if not, give them a summary. And keep explaining it to them. It helps you rehearse it and get it straight in your own mind so using the techniques becomes almost automatic for you.</p><p></p><p>But he does need to be on board, if his life isn't to become very unpleasant, as the focus for all his child's negativity.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 33502, member: 1991"] You both need to be working as a team on this for it to have a good chance. If you're not, what happens is you stop being the ogre for your child, but husband becomes the focus of all opposition. I can't count the times difficult child 3 slams into his room because husband got 'heavy' with him - difficult child 3 resents it coming from husband, sees him as an obstacle. husband has been really working hard on using the Ross Greene techniques, but there was a delay in him being able to use the techniques (lots of reasons - I get more practice than he does; I read the book first; it took him some time to understand it and more to be able to implement it, especially when he's really tired). That delay meant that we were falling into the trap of "good cop, bad cop" which is NOT good. husband really tried to read the book; he just couldn't. He kept falling asleep and his mind 'bleeped over' a lot of passages. He was willing to come on board, we just had trouble finding ways to give him the techniques. So what did we do? I summarised it for him (I did it as a book review and I've shared copies around). It was a good test - if I could understand the book well enough to summarise it for husband, then it helped me consolidate the information even more. I could give you a copy of the summary, if you want, but writing your own is really good exercise for you. But then I read the posts that arose on Early Childhood and found them even better than my summary. So I figure - if you can get your partner/child's teacher/grandparents to read the book, that's great. if not, give them a summary. And keep explaining it to them. It helps you rehearse it and get it straight in your own mind so using the techniques becomes almost automatic for you. But he does need to be on board, if his life isn't to become very unpleasant, as the focus for all his child's negativity. Marg [/QUOTE]
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