explosive difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jena, Oct 16, 2010.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member

    well we officially hit a wall today. cant' get down afternoon shake. working for 3 hours now. i'm literally ready to scream and pull my hair out.

    she began to scream yell hit herself her throat the bed her arms totally lost it. hysterical crying for 3 hours now. shake is rasberry today and the pieces are freakign her out. yet every shake with-fruit freaks her out.

    can't change shake than she'll use that tmrw as a negotiation tactic. bottom line i told her if you pull this tmrw we gotta head to hospital.

    i cant' go thru this 3 x a day. i want to for her yet not if defiance will be a part today it's defiance not anxiety
  2. Josie

    Josie Active Member

    It might be that she is coping with her anxiety with defiance.

    My daughter has said she won't eat meat. It looks like defiance, but we are pretty sure her Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is telling her she shouldn't eat meat. We have not yet said she must eat meat because I am pretty sure we would end up in a battle that we probably would not win. She does eat other protein so it isn't the same situation as your daughter, but I do have an idea of hard it must be for you and her.

    I hope you can find a way to make it easier for you both.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I would take her to a medical hospital. You can't do this to yourself without cracking up and you need to stay strong. I can understand the fear, but a medical hospital doesn't do the sadistic things they do in psychiatric hospitals. Trust me, I've been in both and the psychiatric hospitals have in my opinion some very abusive rules that are allowed. They did help me, b ut some of the things that they are allowed to do in my opinion should be outlawed. Medical hospitals are way different. (((Hugs)))
  4. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Jen, anxiety can equal defiance. I'm not really sure you can separate out the two very easily, especially in a situation like this. Your best bet is to try to calm her down and work with her.

    Where are the medications right now? Can you give her some Seroquel PRN?
  5. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    When she calms down a little, would she be more receptive to a different flavor? Or maybe you can blenderize it a bit more to make it less chunky?
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I thought the agreement was that at the first shake she refused she had to go get the feeding tube?? If that was the agreement and you waffle and let her have a "second chance" then you are losing a LOT and will make this MUCH harder to heal from. she also will never think she has to do what she agrees to.

    She refused to drink the shake.

    You both agreed that at the FIRST shake she refused/couldn't drink, you would take her to the medical hospital.

    Now you want to wait until tomarrow??

    You are taking chances wtih her health by waiting. She NEEDS this nutrition. The 700 calories is to give her what she needs for TODAY's calorie burn, not to help her regain weight. So the days that she drank the shakes did NOT regain much, if any, strength. SHE NEEDS TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL NOW!!!!

    This is NOT for psychiatric treatment, and they will NOT keep you from staying with her. Call the doctor you are working with, have them paged and ask which hospital. If you cannot get difficult child into the car and drive safely with her, call for an ambulance for safe transport. I know she will be scared adn upset, so stay with her regardless of how she goes to the hospital. Let her know you won't leave her alone there except if you have to go sleep or get food or use the bathroom or change clothes.

    If you get the tube put in and get it over with she can start to learn to deal with things.

    Please don't feed her fears by letting her wait to go to hospital. She will think that YOU are afraid of the hospital if you don't do what you told her you would do. She doesn't need that to feed her very reasonable fears of the hospital. She needs you to be strong and do what she needs, which is to go ahead and take her to the hospital to get the tube she needs so that she doesn't get PERMANENT harm to her body from not eating.

    I know this is terribly hard, but it is what you both agreed to.
  7. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I agree with Susie...

    You said FIRST shake she refused. You have been battling her for three hours....but now you're saying, "Well, if you do this again tomorrow..."

    I think you need to take her NOW.
  8. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    And trust me, having a feeding tube (naso gasatric) tube put down is a very unpleasant experience. Having on in place is unpleasant. If they are talking a PEG or JEG tube that goes directly into the stomach via an opening in the abdominal wall, that's surgery. My guess is they are talking a NG tube as that is what is usually used for short term feeding
  9. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    For this kind of choking phobia, an NG tube is used. Once it was in place, my daughter M didn't mind having it there at all. It was having it inserted that scared her more than anything. She had it in for a month until she could maintain nutrition on her own.
  10. Jena

    Jena New Member

    hi. no i put the shake that was remaining into a cup and my gut told me she needed to get out of the environment of being stuck in the room with-me with/it. dr. ok'd a movie. so i put it in a cup and she drank it in the plot of movie theatre because she wanted to see secretariat very badly.

    if you know the history of that horse and i love horses and racing he never gave up. i wanted her to feel inspired. i think it worked. i said to her while we were watching the movie it's a true story about this horse. his endurance, resiliency, his determination. she adores horses just as i do. it's a passion we share. i said he never gave up, and when he was hurt he was down and out a little while but his drive and motivation his heart pushed him forward. i said alot like you. so she smiled.

    i think the meltdown over the shake was actually needed to be honest. looking back now after that episode she needs to be frustrated with the situation to gravitate forward.
    Last edited: Oct 16, 2010