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Parent Emeritus
Extreme Disappointment and Anger
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 760026" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>Hi and I am so sorry. This has to be very hard on both of you and the other children. It is/was for us</p><p></p><p></p><p>What helped me learn how to handle myself while having a mean, addict daughter is Nar Anons principles. The short explanation of Nar Anon.is to let go of their chaos although you still love them and to start taking care of yourself, your mental and.physical health and your life. There is nothing you can do to hlelp your son. Addicts don't respond well to outside pressure and unless they truly want to get better, they will sabatage all chances. It took me ten years to believe this with my own daughter. In the meantime, my husband, other kids and grands and I suffered. Not one thing I did for Kay helped her. Trust me, she grew up with much love and every financial advantage and we were willing to beggar ourselves to save her.</p><p></p><p>It didn't work and we stopped before going broke for her. Nar Anon plus a private therapist helped us and saved our.marriage AND our relationships with the other kids who were getting far less attention while being great kids.</p><p></p><p>Whatever it takes to teach you how to love yourself first and to stop enabling your son is where you need to go, what you need to do. Nothing else will help your despair...only learning how to take care of yourself and.letting go of your sons chaos. This is my opinipn so take what you need and leave the rest, as we say in Nar Anon. If you are interested at all, Nar Anon is also on Zoom and online in other ways too, if you don't want to go in person. During COVID, we are doing Zoom.</p><p></p><p>If you have a higher power....I find that to be my biggest helper.</p><p></p><p>Is your son able to ride his bike to work until he gets his license? Do you let him cook and wash his own clothes? We did everything for Kay, even after we bought her her own home and she.lost the home and never did learn to take care of her simple needs.</p><p></p><p>Blessings and hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 760026, member: 23706"] Hi and I am so sorry. This has to be very hard on both of you and the other children. It is/was for us What helped me learn how to handle myself while having a mean, addict daughter is Nar Anons principles. The short explanation of Nar Anon.is to let go of their chaos although you still love them and to start taking care of yourself, your mental and.physical health and your life. There is nothing you can do to hlelp your son. Addicts don't respond well to outside pressure and unless they truly want to get better, they will sabatage all chances. It took me ten years to believe this with my own daughter. In the meantime, my husband, other kids and grands and I suffered. Not one thing I did for Kay helped her. Trust me, she grew up with much love and every financial advantage and we were willing to beggar ourselves to save her. It didn't work and we stopped before going broke for her. Nar Anon plus a private therapist helped us and saved our.marriage AND our relationships with the other kids who were getting far less attention while being great kids. Whatever it takes to teach you how to love yourself first and to stop enabling your son is where you need to go, what you need to do. Nothing else will help your despair...only learning how to take care of yourself and.letting go of your sons chaos. This is my opinipn so take what you need and leave the rest, as we say in Nar Anon. If you are interested at all, Nar Anon is also on Zoom and online in other ways too, if you don't want to go in person. During COVID, we are doing Zoom. If you have a higher power....I find that to be my biggest helper. Is your son able to ride his bike to work until he gets his license? Do you let him cook and wash his own clothes? We did everything for Kay, even after we bought her her own home and she.lost the home and never did learn to take care of her simple needs. Blessings and hugs. [/QUOTE]
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