Hhonestly, this mild angst was my own fault. Now I know how parents who check FB feel when they get a "slap-in-the-face" post about themselves from a wayward adult child. I got up early, was bored, and started playing on the computer on FB. I will never ever do that again, except for reading my own FB or my REAL family's FB, those who see me in a positive light. Why do I do these things to me? Facebook is the Devil. Ok, so it's my own actions... I checked out my brother's and sister's FB. It was interesting, to say the least. They are madly trying to make sure I can't post to them or even see what they say. My brother blocked me, but I was able to get on and read his. Finding out I was blocked hurt me so I just went on my hub's FB account and looked at it from there. He had a long post about how he never accepts apologies, they are just words, and he goes by actions first. It was probably aimed at me, although he didn't mean for me to read it. But I did send both of them Christmas cards to try to be civil. They didn't have messages attached to them and I did not apologize or write anything. They were just signed "The Marshall Family" or something like that as I had them done at Walmart photo. I was trying to show a little friendliness, but not too much. Perhaps he took it to mean I apologize for something I never did since I have not seen him for years or spoken to him either. But it was dated Dec. 26th, right after it would have arrived, and it was the only post that wasn't about the school he is teaching at. So I am taking it to mean he was venting about me. It is kind of interesting to see how your siblings take things. We all have such different perceptions of the past. I think of him as somebody who I fought with sometimes, but was there for when nobody else was. I have no real idea what he thinks. My sister is under a new name so that I can't find her. The only reason I know is that she posted on my brother's FB. I shouldn't have checked her FB, but I did. There was no message to me...lol. Does she think I am going to try to friend her after our last altercation? I never want to talk to her again, let alone friend her. And so what? She can refuse it if I did. Why does she care if I see her FB? I haven't blocked anyyone from mine, but if they tried to friend me, I'd just decline. I guess this is the new way to tell you that you are socially unacceptable trash to them as everybody knows that there is no real way to totally hide on the internet. Maybe I'm putting too much into it. I am trying hard to put the past into the past, where it belongs, and they are part of the past. I don't know why, every so often, I sabatage my own healing by checking up on peopoe who are gone from my life, but who have hurt me. I really think it was better, for those of us who need to detach from anybody, when there was no FB. I remember during those long years when my sister/brother didn't want to speak to me and all I had was the silent telephone. It was a lot easier to detach, since I had no option about checking on them. "The past no longer exists." Why is there a tendency in some of us to dwell on the past when the present is good? I don't understand myself sometimes. Why do I still, at age 61, feel the need to prove to my sister and brother that I'm really not the bad person they think I am? Why does it make me angry and sad that this is wh at they have decided? Why do I care at all? Yet...I am doing better with this now. I am using my coping skills to move on and I know this won't last long. Still...we are so married to those who have abused us. At least, I am. I have to keep working on this. Thanks for reading the vent. Feedback welcome.