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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 643519" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I like using bullying too.</p><p></p><p>There is always a REASON somebody is the bullied, but that doesn't make it right. I know how it started in my family. I had Learning Disability (LD) problems in a very high achieving family, I was difficult and raged anad had tantrums and was sensitive to critism and cried a lot. The only time my mother liked me was when I was doing well in drama or singing or winning a creative writing award. Other than that she was tearing me down and my two younger siblings heard that and also heard me, no shrinking violet, defending myself or crying. I also had an uncle, my mom's brother, who labeled me "the brat." Not sure why. I didn't have much. But my mom thought it was funny, let him do it, and the other two heard her. At the same time, my brother, due to his high intelligence coupled with his having no friends (and Mom feeling so sorry for him) and his Crohn's Disease, became Mom's Golden Boy. My sister and I had clear memories of him as a teenager laying in bed with her almost undressed. It made both of us uncomfortable, even though we knew nothing was going on and that he was often ill. But it was highly odd. If anyone dared say a word against him, Mom was in their face like a crazed animal.</p><p></p><p>My sister was ignored as she tried to disappear and not be home much. Later, she tried to literally disappear with severe anorexia. There was much fighting among my parents.</p><p></p><p>Of course I was also the one who called out the dysfunction when I got to be a teenager and that REALLY got everyone started on me. Maybe they felt I was wrong to air dirty laundry. Does why even matter anymore? It blew up, like a Fourth of July explosion, and I was "bad." No matter what I did it was for a bad reason. Do you know why I adopted my kids? To get th e adoption subsidy money!!!! Of course, Sonic was the only child who even had a small subsidy, but my mother told everyone I didn't really care about my kids. I just wanted "the money." Of course "everyone" in her verymall circle was just our warped family. My grandmother, her mother, always stuck up for me making it worse. That just made my mother pick on me more.</p><p></p><p>It was destined to be this way. And, trust me, none of the three of us had no issues. My brother has been in therapy for over twenty years. My sister has anorexia and is in therapy for many reasons. I'm just the cause of everything bad that ever happened to our group of DNA.</p><p></p><p>Cedar, I'm different from you. I vehemently loved my little sister and tried hard to take care of her when she was in college and my mom, going through her divorce and second teenage years, totally ignored her, wouldn't even stay home with her on Thanksgiving and Christmas college breaks. Through the years, with all that has happened, the love has died. There is nothing left except disgust and a feeling of "I don't ever want to see you again. Ever. To the point where I may not attend my father's funeral." I am going to call his rabbi about this, tell him how I feel, and see if there is a way I can pay my respects in a separate and maybe more meaningful way when the time comes. I don't want to see my brother either. Toward him I only feel a sense of apathy.</p><p></p><p>This is what happened to jumpstart this episode where I foolishly sent my sibs a rather benign Christmas card.</p><p></p><p>I had a cancer scare. My father was furious at my sister for not contacting me to say how sorry she was I had cancer, although I didn't. But we didn't know yet. He is a very impulsive man. So he did his famous "You either text her or you are disinherited!" Now that no longer works with me and he knows it and has been strangely nicer to me since he realizes I don't care what he does with his money and that he can't control me with it. But my sister is desperate to have it. So she texted me and I thought that was nice and my heart softened a bit. I texted her back: "It really socks t hat we can't get along. I do care about you and wish we could do better. But it is what it is." Then I sent a Christmas card to show there were no hard feelings, although I think I had made it pretty clear I didn't want to hear from her. It didn't occur to me that Sis had only texted me because Dad threatened her until Dad told me. I should have known.</p><p></p><p>I made him promise never to mention me to either of them again. I mean, my sister would run into busy traffic if my father told her she had to do it or he'd disinherit her. I don't need wrong messages coming from a threat.</p><p></p><p>When I heard what had REALLY transpired my spark of warmth died and I'm back to never wanting her in my life again. Never wanting to lay eyes on her again. Ever. Or my brother. There are no more funerals after my father. Our family is very small. If I do go to it, that will be the last I ever see them. I don't want my father to die soon, but he is not feeling well and I'm worried about him. And I have to make a plan in advance because when it happens I will be too sad to think straight. My therapist is way on board with this.</p><p></p><p>My dad is a narcissistic and has said horrible things to me, but he is the only one in my small family of origin, other than my grandmother, who treated me as if I were as worthwhile as the other peple in our family. We share the bond of both being the black sheep. My dad took the hit in the divorce with both my brother and my sister.</p><p></p><p>After t hat early start of hurt this morning, I really had a nice day mostly with Sonic and my hubby is home too. I have come so far. I can drop the family of origin thing really fast now and move on. This was not always the case.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for the bullying analogy. It most certainly was bullying. I wonder if they will turn on one another when I have been gone for three years? Five years? Ten? I want them to forget about me. The less they know, the better.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 643519, member: 1550"] I like using bullying too. There is always a REASON somebody is the bullied, but that doesn't make it right. I know how it started in my family. I had Learning Disability (LD) problems in a very high achieving family, I was difficult and raged anad had tantrums and was sensitive to critism and cried a lot. The only time my mother liked me was when I was doing well in drama or singing or winning a creative writing award. Other than that she was tearing me down and my two younger siblings heard that and also heard me, no shrinking violet, defending myself or crying. I also had an uncle, my mom's brother, who labeled me "the brat." Not sure why. I didn't have much. But my mom thought it was funny, let him do it, and the other two heard her. At the same time, my brother, due to his high intelligence coupled with his having no friends (and Mom feeling so sorry for him) and his Crohn's Disease, became Mom's Golden Boy. My sister and I had clear memories of him as a teenager laying in bed with her almost undressed. It made both of us uncomfortable, even though we knew nothing was going on and that he was often ill. But it was highly odd. If anyone dared say a word against him, Mom was in their face like a crazed animal. My sister was ignored as she tried to disappear and not be home much. Later, she tried to literally disappear with severe anorexia. There was much fighting among my parents. Of course I was also the one who called out the dysfunction when I got to be a teenager and that REALLY got everyone started on me. Maybe they felt I was wrong to air dirty laundry. Does why even matter anymore? It blew up, like a Fourth of July explosion, and I was "bad." No matter what I did it was for a bad reason. Do you know why I adopted my kids? To get th e adoption subsidy money!!!! Of course, Sonic was the only child who even had a small subsidy, but my mother told everyone I didn't really care about my kids. I just wanted "the money." Of course "everyone" in her verymall circle was just our warped family. My grandmother, her mother, always stuck up for me making it worse. That just made my mother pick on me more. It was destined to be this way. And, trust me, none of the three of us had no issues. My brother has been in therapy for over twenty years. My sister has anorexia and is in therapy for many reasons. I'm just the cause of everything bad that ever happened to our group of DNA. Cedar, I'm different from you. I vehemently loved my little sister and tried hard to take care of her when she was in college and my mom, going through her divorce and second teenage years, totally ignored her, wouldn't even stay home with her on Thanksgiving and Christmas college breaks. Through the years, with all that has happened, the love has died. There is nothing left except disgust and a feeling of "I don't ever want to see you again. Ever. To the point where I may not attend my father's funeral." I am going to call his rabbi about this, tell him how I feel, and see if there is a way I can pay my respects in a separate and maybe more meaningful way when the time comes. I don't want to see my brother either. Toward him I only feel a sense of apathy. This is what happened to jumpstart this episode where I foolishly sent my sibs a rather benign Christmas card. I had a cancer scare. My father was furious at my sister for not contacting me to say how sorry she was I had cancer, although I didn't. But we didn't know yet. He is a very impulsive man. So he did his famous "You either text her or you are disinherited!" Now that no longer works with me and he knows it and has been strangely nicer to me since he realizes I don't care what he does with his money and that he can't control me with it. But my sister is desperate to have it. So she texted me and I thought that was nice and my heart softened a bit. I texted her back: "It really socks t hat we can't get along. I do care about you and wish we could do better. But it is what it is." Then I sent a Christmas card to show there were no hard feelings, although I think I had made it pretty clear I didn't want to hear from her. It didn't occur to me that Sis had only texted me because Dad threatened her until Dad told me. I should have known. I made him promise never to mention me to either of them again. I mean, my sister would run into busy traffic if my father told her she had to do it or he'd disinherit her. I don't need wrong messages coming from a threat. When I heard what had REALLY transpired my spark of warmth died and I'm back to never wanting her in my life again. Never wanting to lay eyes on her again. Ever. Or my brother. There are no more funerals after my father. Our family is very small. If I do go to it, that will be the last I ever see them. I don't want my father to die soon, but he is not feeling well and I'm worried about him. And I have to make a plan in advance because when it happens I will be too sad to think straight. My therapist is way on board with this. My dad is a narcissistic and has said horrible things to me, but he is the only one in my small family of origin, other than my grandmother, who treated me as if I were as worthwhile as the other peple in our family. We share the bond of both being the black sheep. My dad took the hit in the divorce with both my brother and my sister. After t hat early start of hurt this morning, I really had a nice day mostly with Sonic and my hubby is home too. I have come so far. I can drop the family of origin thing really fast now and move on. This was not always the case. Thanks for the bullying analogy. It most certainly was bullying. I wonder if they will turn on one another when I have been gone for three years? Five years? Ten? I want them to forget about me. The less they know, the better. [/QUOTE]
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