facebook postings

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Tiredof33, Apr 14, 2012.

  1. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    My difficult child was supposedly homeless after having a blow up with girlie and she was sent to detox. He sent me and email about a month ago asking for money saying he was in another town.

    I ignored it. Then he sent another last week saying he was in AA and had a sponsor, but couldn't find a job so he has to move to a bigger town. I agreed to buy a bus ticket for him and I told him I was happy he was in AA, he does need to find a job. Then I get another email saying he was taking the A+ certification the 13th, he has been studying for the test.

    He is vague about wheather he is in a shelter or a residential facility, but he said he had to be out today. He was going to get the info for the bus ticket and let me know.

    Then his sister emails me about him, she has been worried, but says he is posting on facebook. OK, what shelter has Net and computers that you can access any time you want? how did he pay for the exam? how is he getting to the college at least an hour and a half away, maybe more by bus, to take the exam?

    I am certain that he is back with difficult child girlie. But I am surprised that the mother would let him move back in after the last fiasco. He is so excited that he has passed the exam, it is good news. BUT he still does not comprehend that HE HAS NO JOB!

    It's his life, that's fine! He knows that no one in his family will have anything to do with girlie and she has cut off all ties with his friends, one a friend from about 4yo.

    Just do NOT ask me for money!! I have accepted the hard fact that my son will never think the way I do, but he has to accept the fact that I will not support him. Not having a job is something I can not wrap my head around!!!
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Uhhh... The A+ cert exam costs around $150, around these parts...

    Sigh... Wish we could make them understand.
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Well computers are at the library for free but still the rest??? Hope he does alright. Stick to your plan, you know what is best.
  4. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    At first I thought the library but the times he is posting do not fit the library times. I even thought, well he has to stay out of the building during the day to look for a job.

    I don't care for facebook at all and I rarely visit there unless the younger realtives are posting pics of the kiddies, but he just posted that he may be out of the picture for a while as he is moving.

    I think it is another conn for money. I do not trust my son one bit! He was posting about a concert and he hopes he can get tickets to go. Not the posts of a 33yo unemployed living in a shelter!!!!! just doesn't add up.

    I know drugs stunt their growth, but he and 37yo girlie are both so immature. As my daughter stated, he has burned many bridges without any thought of the future. It was very sad to me when I would hear about parents having no contact with their children, I now understand that you just get so tired of the conns and the drama!
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    The homeless shelter where Katie stayed...............both of them had computers for the residents to use. Purpose was to look for work, but residents used them for social as they "looked for work". So that could be the case.

    But step is right. the A+ certification here is about 150.00 at least.

    I'd have bought the actual bus ticket (and made in non refundable if possible) but NOT given him money. I opt out of giving money 99.9 percent of the time. I've rarely had it be a good idea, especially with a difficult child.

  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have no idea about shelters. We dont have them here. I do find that odd. I was also thinking library because some of them are open all hours if the city is large enough. Or internet cafe's. Or he could be borrowing someone's smartphone.
  7. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    If he's a wheeler and dealer he could have traded in the bus ticket(s), used the money for a laptop from say - Cragislist or the fleamarket - and be sitting anywhere that offers free wi-fi. difficult child's are RESOURCEFUL if nothing else when THEY WANT something. They just have to WANT the something. Like you say - you can't fathom not having a job. If your son WANTED a job? He'd move heaven and earth to get one. At this point his needs are met, his rent is covered, his food is paid for and he has no WANT for a job. Take the rent, the food and the other things he feels he NEEDS to survive away and - wants change. This is why it's important to learn tough love, detaching and separating our lives from theirs. Sometimes I used to think when we threw Dude out that I WANTED him to fall flat on his face and see how hard life was, so that he would want better. It took a long time - eating out of dumpsters, living under bridges, in parks - taking showers in ponds. Learning how it was to see how others reacted to you in dirty clothes. The very people he had thought it was enjoyable to make FUN of - for just such things - he was now one of. Frankly? For that humbling life experience? I'm glad. The Mom in me - nearly lost my mind thinking about the dangers - but if there was ever to be a chance that he found his way - without MY fixing things all the time? It needed to be done.

    I'm not saying that when they are really in dire straights you shouldn't consider how your helping them will impact YOUR life or theirs. That's got to be on you and how YOU are going to be able to live with it and sleep at night. Every choice we make, every thing we do touches and affects someone elses life - and so on, and so on, and so on. In the case of your son? His brain isn't even matured yet - I think about how I thought, and behaved at 21 - and I was very mature, very independent and on my own already for five years - and STILL I was so immature. So for a difficult child? It's got to be a great deal less thought process. That's what gets them into trouble, THAT's what we can't stand about their mentality - and that's what takes time, experience and age to cure if ever.

    Wherever he's getting whatever he's getting? You can't control it, or fix it? Not worth worrying about. Maybe shoot him a message on FB one night at 3:00 AM and say - HEY how are you logging on? I'm out CLUBBIN - having a banging time dude......having as much fun as a one legged man in a butt kickin' contest....but thinking of you. (Let him think about THAT one.)