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General Parenting
Facing the 3rd Grade Teacher Ms. M
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 67503" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I agree with the previous suggestions, this one is a bonus.</p><p></p><p>On top of the IEP, the letter and other things, how about you try a communication book for him? Because it certainly seems like he has some issues which Mrs M needs to know about, but which will take you a month of Sundays (or at least, a term of every day classroom steps conferences) to even begin to communicate with her.</p><p></p><p>You get a plain exercise book. Print a 'cover' from your computer which says, "difficult child's Communications Book. Friends, teachers, family - please write in this book anything you feel needs to be shared with the others."</p><p></p><p>It's NOT for difficult child to read, it's for you and the teacher, primarily. You write in it anything you need to (such as "We had a terrible fight last night over homework - again. Can we talk about this problem? Is there some other way we could deal with this? He's not coping with it, we're not coping with it. But we want him to learn. How can we work together on this?"). The teacher then writes back what SHE feels needs to be communicated. ("He had a good morning in class, managed to complete a page of sums but then fell apart when we had to read aloud. Do you have any idea we could use to build his confidence with reading? Or is it just reading in front of the other kids that may be worrying him?")</p><p></p><p>This takes up a lot less time than a daily conference. Just think - after a day teaching your child, she is probably ready to get home and pour herself a stiff brandy. If she has already put her concerns in writing, then she has the extra knowledge that you will be thinking about her question or comments while she is already on her way home. Also, you don't get stuck standing there talking when you have a fractious child wanting to get home.</p><p></p><p>Done properly, this really works. But there need to be ground rules:</p><p></p><p>1) AT NO TIME should either school, or the home, put responsibility for the book onto the child. The teacher gets it out of his bag at school and puts it back in at the end of the day. You do not call to the child and say, "Put this in your bag," because not only is it too much responsibility, it is drawing too much attention to the book. difficult child's attention, as well as other kids.</p><p></p><p>2) Don't stop writing just because things are going well.</p><p></p><p>3) Don't just write the bad stuff when things aren't working - both the teacher, and the family, need some "just interesting" notes (such as, "difficult child was very kind to Melinda this afternoon, she was sad because her daddy is sick and difficult child put his arm around her.")</p><p></p><p>4) If ANYONE writes really negative stuff, forgive it. DO NOT use the book as a basis for court action. There needs to be a permanent moratorium. I can look back and see some absolutely atrocious things that difficult child 3's teachers wrote. Having had to parent him during bad times, I can totally sympathise with a teacher at the end of her tether. So if the teacher writes one day, "WHAT AN APPALLING CHILD!" then next day you can write, "I'm sorry you had such a bad day. I'm not sure why he was so difficult. I hope today is better."</p><p></p><p>I got on much better with difficult child 3's teachers BECAUSE of the book, than I would have without it. Especially in his last full year in mainstream, I had wondered how I would ever get on with that teacher. I suspect she has always disliked me intensely (she also taught easy child - badly, in my opinion) but using the book, we communicated much more effectively than I would have thought possible. Plus I could see she really did care about my lad - which surprised me. I had thought she despised just about all the kids she taught.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 67503, member: 1991"] I agree with the previous suggestions, this one is a bonus. On top of the IEP, the letter and other things, how about you try a communication book for him? Because it certainly seems like he has some issues which Mrs M needs to know about, but which will take you a month of Sundays (or at least, a term of every day classroom steps conferences) to even begin to communicate with her. You get a plain exercise book. Print a 'cover' from your computer which says, "difficult child's Communications Book. Friends, teachers, family - please write in this book anything you feel needs to be shared with the others." It's NOT for difficult child to read, it's for you and the teacher, primarily. You write in it anything you need to (such as "We had a terrible fight last night over homework - again. Can we talk about this problem? Is there some other way we could deal with this? He's not coping with it, we're not coping with it. But we want him to learn. How can we work together on this?"). The teacher then writes back what SHE feels needs to be communicated. ("He had a good morning in class, managed to complete a page of sums but then fell apart when we had to read aloud. Do you have any idea we could use to build his confidence with reading? Or is it just reading in front of the other kids that may be worrying him?") This takes up a lot less time than a daily conference. Just think - after a day teaching your child, she is probably ready to get home and pour herself a stiff brandy. If she has already put her concerns in writing, then she has the extra knowledge that you will be thinking about her question or comments while she is already on her way home. Also, you don't get stuck standing there talking when you have a fractious child wanting to get home. Done properly, this really works. But there need to be ground rules: 1) AT NO TIME should either school, or the home, put responsibility for the book onto the child. The teacher gets it out of his bag at school and puts it back in at the end of the day. You do not call to the child and say, "Put this in your bag," because not only is it too much responsibility, it is drawing too much attention to the book. difficult child's attention, as well as other kids. 2) Don't stop writing just because things are going well. 3) Don't just write the bad stuff when things aren't working - both the teacher, and the family, need some "just interesting" notes (such as, "difficult child was very kind to Melinda this afternoon, she was sad because her daddy is sick and difficult child put his arm around her.") 4) If ANYONE writes really negative stuff, forgive it. DO NOT use the book as a basis for court action. There needs to be a permanent moratorium. I can look back and see some absolutely atrocious things that difficult child 3's teachers wrote. Having had to parent him during bad times, I can totally sympathise with a teacher at the end of her tether. So if the teacher writes one day, "WHAT AN APPALLING CHILD!" then next day you can write, "I'm sorry you had such a bad day. I'm not sure why he was so difficult. I hope today is better." I got on much better with difficult child 3's teachers BECAUSE of the book, than I would have without it. Especially in his last full year in mainstream, I had wondered how I would ever get on with that teacher. I suspect she has always disliked me intensely (she also taught easy child - badly, in my opinion) but using the book, we communicated much more effectively than I would have thought possible. Plus I could see she really did care about my lad - which surprised me. I had thought she despised just about all the kids she taught. Marg [/QUOTE]
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