failed me - what do i do now?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by mog, Jun 19, 2012.

  1. mog

    mog Member

    ok my friend and I have been friend since 1987 or so. We use to work together in a hair salon, she only work part time and I worked full time and we didn't really see eachother much but then whe I was going threw my divorce she helped me. She was the one that told me that she had seen him "out" with other people and was there the night that I confronted him about what was really ging on. Over the years we have stayed friends and I always invite her to my functions and she does the same. We shared a very special bond when she helped me threw my divorce. Many years later she was my maid of honor when I married husband.
    I have been there for her threw many break ups and financial troubles. A miscarriage and many health and emotional troblems. WE (husband and i) knew that she had wanted to have a baby when we asked her to be in our wedding -thinking nothing of having her stand him husband cousin( he was in a long term relationship and they had a child) Later when her mom called and said that she was at the hospital is when I found out that the cousin was the father to her baby that she just miscarried. It obviously caused problems for him in his relationship and they broke up--many family members blamed US for the break up but the were two grown people and WE had no idea they were seeing eachother on the side. They both swore it was over and she went back to an ex and he moved on.
    Two years ago the cousin died of cancer (he did not tell anyone he was sick and refused treatment)WE were out of state at the time but text her several times and day and spoke with her as often as possible. It was at this time that she admitted to me that he was the father of a second child that had lived and we knew very well. She was like family just like my friend. We went to the rosary and funeral together. After ward I got cornered and asked if I was the one that "invited" her and I told them that she had just cause to be there. I also found out that five months before he passed they had been living together so the little girl knew he was the "dad". She went threw anger and depression during this time and I was there for her any time day or night.
    My problem is that NOW that my MOM died she hasn't been around. I know that husband told her what was going on and that I was having a hard time but she never once text me ,call me or came over. I have been in a real FUNK since my mom died and not sure that I will ever come out of this especailly since I have no one to help me threw this --I am all alone now that my mom is gone.
    my mom passed in September and in April I text her and told her that I was really hurt that she hasn't even been there for me for nothing. I got a text back saying sorry I was busy losing my business and in depression. Excuse ME but she has never been financially responsible and loses a business every time I turn around and she is constantly depressed but so are we all.
    HELLO MY MOM DIED and i really needed her and she still to this day has not even tried to help me in any way. I am hurt and angry and not sure that I want to continue this "friendship" but now I have no choice to see her at times since her daughter is "family" UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    My daughter now has informed me that she wants her new cousin to be in her wedding.....REALLY come on
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    The daughter is family, the not. There is a distinction. If you don't want to waste anymore time on someone who can't/won't be there for you like you've been there for them, then don't. You don't have to be anything but polite to the mother, but you don't have to be her friend anymore either.

    I had a friend here in town that I once believed I was rather close to. Our girls practically lived at each others houses. (we lived next door to each other) But then something happened that made me realize that evidently our friendship didn't mean anything to her really at all. I'm still polite to her, no reason not to be, but the "friends" label not longer really applies.

    Stinks and hurts when you've put a lot of yourself into a relationship with another person and get nothing back in return. And in my opinion, this ex friend of mine is the one who lost out, not me.
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I'm sure that is painful. I agree, the daughter is family and so treating her equal to any other cousin is important because the whole mess is not her fault. But it will take work to grieve the loss of your friend. She truly may be too limited to be anything but a fair weather friend. (unless it is her storm)

    I'm glad you posted here, I realize you mean in real life....but you are NOT alone. I know we look like computer letters on a screen but we are real people typing and I for one will eventually click on and read your posts! Even when my DARN keyboard is not letting me

    HUGS, I'm sorry things are rough right now. I hope you are able to find some kind of therapist or support group to talk in real life too.