*Faint*

[flutterbee]

Ok. I can deal with the severely parted hair covering half her face. I can deal with the colored hair extensions, the black clothes, the gobs of black eyeliner, the black nailpolish, the black choker and even the nose ring.

But, vampire fangs?

This is her newest desire. And she found some that you put some goop on, put it over your tooth and press it there for a few minutes. It then molds to the tooth and she can pop them in and out whenever she wants.

Fortunately, my mom is an EFDA (Expanded Functions Dental Assistant) and I can get her to say that it's bad for her teeth.

But, why would she do this? It makes no sense. She *hates* people looking at her. She thinks they're laughing at her or making fun of her. And she gets a lot of looks now with her definite Goth thing going on. I told her that people would definitely stare with the vampire fangs. She said she didn't care. Uh huh. I know better. If she hates it so much, why do something that's going to create more of the thing you hate?

She said she's confused. She said she's somewhere between Goth and Emo and she doesn't know which she really is. I, of course, explained that you don't need to label yourself. But, I did ask her why she would want to be Emo because Emo kids want to be miserable. She said, no they don't want to be, they just are. Makes ya wonder how much she's going to get out of therapy, doesn't it?

And I was just so proud of her for noticing the improvement with the lexapro - said she was more outgoing and smiling more.

I can't stand this.

 

[nvts]

Yup! Her medications are working! Congratulations, you've formally got yourself a Typical Teen!

They don't know what the hell they want, what they feel, what to say, what to do about anything!

Dominous Nabisco (and Keebler and Chips aHoy and all the others!). Bless you my friend...walk softly and carry a BIG OL' STICK!

Beth

 

[flutterbee]

Yeah, well we're stopping at 10mg. I'm not increasing her dosage. At 20mg, she'd probably want permanent fang implants.

 

[BoxieLady]

My 17 yo went through the goth/emo phase. She wasn't sure which she was either. Thankfully, it only lasted about 2 years. Now she is in JROTC at her high school and doing well...oh, and not wearing black except on uniform day(LOL)

 

[Wiped Out]

Heather,
Vampire fangs? Oh my! easy child (and I don't know how much longer I'll be using that-it may shortly be difficult child) went through a semi-goth stage-it lasted a little over a year.

 

[klmno]

I'd love to respond to this, but I don't think I can do much better than nvts' graphics- I keep looking at them and chuckling, as I picture you coming home to you daughter to deal with that!! Oh- sorry, I'm probably not supposed to be finding it quite this funny!

 

[busywend]

Support her in whatever she wants. It will all pass. Eventually.

Oh - well of course unless it is dangerous.

 

[nvts]

Keep those flashlights close by, you know, the ones under the bed just in case she gets the fangs...and make sure you buy yourself a garlic necklace...moooohahaha...

Beth

 

[witzend]

Well, at least she wants temporary fangs!

 

[slsh]

Oh Heather, I'm so sorry but I'm simply howling here. That is just too doggone funny. Can we please keep our kids far far *far* apart????? thank you would probably just love the idea of fangs. He's adamant that for his 18th b-day he's getting a "sleeve" tattoo on his left arm of ... oh, heck, I don't know what it is other than it has to do with something called "chaos magik". Whatever.

Wiping tears away.

I do have to say, at 17+, thank you's finally getting a little less bizarre in his fashion statement. We went thru the all-black phase for quite a long time. The hair alternated between shaved and long. I've actually come to like him with the long hair and found myself talking him out of getting a hair cut this weekend (who'd have thunk it?? LOL).

Funniest thing of all - thank you wants to be a therapist!!! He wants to work with difficult children (chuckle chuckle). I tried to explain to him that parents of difficult children are totally freaked out by the time they get to a therapist and that a guy with a sleeve tattoo and multiple facial piercings is simply not going to be terribly reassuring to them. He said he'd wear long-sleeved shirts and take the piercings out during work hours. Ummm - okay.

I'm glad that she's noticed a positive difference with the medications. I think that's really a good sign.

Fangs... sigh. Amazing what our kids think up.

 

[klmno]

Funniest thing of all - thank you wants to be a therapist!!! He wants to work with difficult children (chuckle chuckle).

So, let's get this straight- chances are at least one of his kids will be a difficult child AND he wants to go to work and listen to more difficult child's all day?

Well, you don't have to worry anymore about him suffering consequences.

 

[Marguerite]

Heather, are you sure she hasn't been getting tips from easy child 2/difficult child 2? My girl is 22 now, and wears her vampire fangs daily. She knows better than to wear them at work but as soon as she leaves and goes to change out of her uniform, on goes the Goth clothing and in go the vampire fangs. She got smaller ones so they're not quite so obvious - she feels the subtlety is much more effective.

A warning from my girl to your girl - don't eat or drink while wearing the fangs, they discolour too readily and you can't get them properly white again. If you drink, make sure it's a colourless drink and use a straw.

We took easy child 2/difficult child 2 to a stage production of "Rocky Horror Show" in Sydney - it was actually the LAST performance, just a month ago. It's now gone to Melbourne. And for the occasion, easy child 2/difficult child 2 dressed to kill, complete with - DIAMANTE vampire fangs! I kid you not - each fang had a small diamante embedded in the front.

Last Saturday easy child came to Sydney to meet me, to shop for wedding dresses. I had also collected girlfriend so we could have a brides' session. easy child 2/difficult child 2 also joined us, the third bride in waiting. And yes, she was dressed somewhat Gothically. Short black dress (at least she wasn't wearing her full-length Morticia Addams skirt and black velvet corset), what she calls her "Susan sto Helit" boots (from Terry Pratchett's 'Discworld' books, Susan is Death's adopted granddaughter) and her black parasol, because it was a hot sunny day and she has to protect her redheaded skin. At least she didn't wear her vampire teeth - I would have refused to take her into the bridal shops with her fangs. As it was...

I was actually talking to easy child 2/difficult child 2 about your daughter, Heather. She has some make-up advice to pass on to her (one Goth to another):

Do NOT wear all black eye make-up, you lose dimension. The effect just doesn't work. You need other colours (equally acceptable to Goths) to put shape into your face. So she recommends black mascara and eyeliner, for sure, but other colours also such as burgundy, deep brown, navy, even grey - for eyeshadow. Contour - again, burgundy is good. Lipstick - avoid pure black, because again you lose the highs and lows of your lips. Again, burgundy is good, but you can use black as a feature as well if you like.

I can also tell you - with her vibrant red hair, very white skin (which flushes very red, so she chooses a very pale foundation which actually matches her skin tone but blocks the red flush) she can look striking, even MORE Goth, with her use of colour. A flash of green eyeshadow above her pale green eyes really stands out in a white face.

Then there are those diamante vampire teeth...

She has other Goths follow her home.

We haven't fought her on it, Heather. There are far more important battles to fight. Although we DID stop her from wearing her vampire teeth to church. Disrespectful, we told her. At least during the service.

Marg

 

[flutterbee]

It is funny - or would be if it wasn't all happening so fast. I don't have time to adjust! I mean, my baby girl went from skirts and frills and pink to Gothic overnight almost. Do you have any idea how hard it was to find her a bathing suit that 1) had NO pastel colors and 2) didn't show too much skin (at least she is still modest)???

At the bookstore last week, she picked out Vampire books and books about angst-ridden teens. We did order the rest of the Traveling Pants series, but still....

I don't know where she got the idea for the teeth. No one she knows is into this scene. And it bothers her - A LOT - when they tell her she's "Goth". But, she continues on. Sigh.

I guess I should be proud that she doesn't feel the need to follow the crowd. And I am. But, fangs?!!! I just have such a hard time understanding why she would want to do something that when people comment on it, or stare, she gets so upset. That's why I made sure to point out that people WILL stare.

I will ask my mom if they are safe for her teeth.

And Marg, think easy child 2/difficult child 2 would give me some links to some sites that have good ones?



Sue - Actually I would have more faith in a therapist with piercings and tatoos. I would figure he's been around the block, is more open-minded and would probably be better able to reach the kids.

 

[janebrain]

Hi Heather,
it really does seem to happen so suddenly, doesn't it? My difficult child 1 went from wanting everything pink to the goth look in about a half second it seemed. I think she was 13 too. She had an idiot therapist at the time who made a big deal out of it, telling her she wasn't really goth and trying to get her to wear preppie type clothes. Some of her support staff at her school though told me how proud they were of her--she was trying to break away from the hold that the popular girls had on her where she had to dress and look the way they thought she should or they would not be friends with her. It was really in response to them that she took on the goth look.

My difficult child 2 also went goth around that age, now she thinks it is passe (well, she is 17 after all).

Wow, your difficult child is a true teen now! You know, when my difficult child 1 started Lexapro it was like she "woke up"--I was glad she was interested in life again.

Jane

 

[allhaileris]

Yay! Vampire fangs. I've always wanted some. I'm turning 35 this week and I'm still goth/punk. I just feel comfortable like that. I'm not all "tragic" or ever have been, but I love horror movies (have a degree in broadcasting) and a great horror movie always cheers me up. Weird I know, but that's how my brain works.

Tell her if she really is goth/emo/whatever, then it doesn't matter what other people think. It's good training for later in life so you can live the way you want to and not have to worry about what others think. There is a formula for being "goth", but to be herself there isn't and it doesn't matter if somebody else thinks she's trying to be a stereotype.

Sue - look up chaos magic. He probably wants the chaos star (it's an 8 pointed arrow looking star thingy), and although I LOVE tattoos and sleeves on guys, I would encourage him to wait a couple years until he knows EXACTLY what he wants and the plan hasn't changed and he saves up plenty to get it done from a good artist. Ask him if he knows about Eris (the goddess, not my daughter). And if he's into chaos magic, make sure he has a good person to apprentice under. If he's a solo practioner, he can get himself into trouble stirring things up that don't need it. My husband was into it when he was younger and I know he and his friends got into some trouble in the spirit realm because they needed some guidance.

Yay for your goth girls! (see me doing a little dance in my head) Go rent some Dario Argento movies for them, take them to tandy leather to let them make their own bracelets and teach them to sew so they can make their own costumes.

 

[katya02]

A thought to add a little different perspective on the vampire thing ...

I don't think it's completely harmless. difficult child hung out with a Borderline (BPD) goth girl in 9th grade who liked to pretend she was a vampire. She was heavily into cutting. Do you see where this is going?

So years later I hear this horrifying story from difficult child, who never even thought about risks like HIV and Hep B & C when being 'pretend vampires', and .... yecchhh. Sick, sick, sick. I am SO not sympathetic to the vampire/goth thing. Sorry.

Katya

 

[flutterbee]

The problem was that the girl was Borderline (BPD), not that she was goth.

Huge difference.

 

[amazeofgrace]

it would seem the vampire look is all the rage these days, thanks to some hit teen books and series!

 

[klmno]

Yeah, I think of it as a fad or trend. difficult child isn't into it at this point but it's probably just because the other kids he knows the best aren't. He never says anything derogatory about it- I figure he'll get into it at some point. No matter what the trend , some will always go further into things and take them to a different level- I don't think we can assume that everyone who "participates" in the trend will do that. I see that fear in myself sometimes though- like it's just one more thing to worry about LOL!

 

[DammitJanet]

Does anyone remember the show Crossing Jordan? Remember the guy who worked in the lab who was so Goth and into vampires and such? LOL. Then there is Abbey on NCIS who is just the absolute coolest crime lab gal.

Maybe its just really intelligent people who are into goth!