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Family of Origin
Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 662706" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Ha! That will be what we are looking for here, then. Fangs in her mouth, knife in her purse. Cedar's Rules of Engagement!</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Here is a secret thing that is true. I don't mind my mom's snarkiness. Not really. I do love my mom and I don't care about the inappropriate or hateful things she does enough to stop seeing her. The betrayal, the utter lack of support from my mother and the shockingly hurtful things my sister did when my daughter was hurt and crazy and homeless ~ those are the things too disturbing to go along with. That they attack me like that in such stupidly and pointlessly hurtful ways is unbelievable. I am coming back from that time three years ago? But a homeless daughter, addicted and beat up and addled and grandchildren endangered and what then happened next with the male who beat and left her for dead ~ I do not know how I made it through that.</p><p></p><p>I don't know.</p><p> </p><p>I cannot forgive or let go or just let that sit in the past or ~ there is nothing I can do with those feelings. To have been treated so badly when I was so broken....</p><p></p><p>WTF</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>It is possible to go there any time I want to, or to call her. I think about doing it sometimes, to rock my sister's world.</p><p></p><p>I really do.</p><p></p><p>roar</p><p></p><p>But then, like always, it could be their truth that they are the ones horrified at the way I am behaving and who knows what is really true and when I think about the way everything has been, especially in these past years, I understand separate is best. I do wonder sometimes whether I should be fighting what is happening and what that would look and feel like. I am in a middle place on it. Between my sister and my brother, my mom is well cared for, and that is the deciding factor.</p><p></p><p>I miss my mom. Fangs and all, I do miss her. Fangs and all, I will be very sad when she is gone and this time is lost.</p><p></p><p>But her behavior toward me has become increasingly inappropriate and everything to do with my mom and my sister is seriously way out of balance, and I will never forgive my sister for that.</p><p></p><p>Family ties going into the future...I think about that, sometimes. If my kids were doing well, I would have a different take on that. As things stand, my FOO has been anything but compassionate or supportive. </p><p></p><p>Just the opposite.</p><p></p><p>It is what it is.</p><p></p><p>I don't have to like it.</p><p></p><p>I am sad about it, though.</p><p></p><p>Here is the thing about that last phone call, when my mother was rude to D H and I called her on that and she hung up on me: She had called to tell us that my sister was in the hospital due to an allergic response.</p><p></p><p>And it was so incongruous.</p><p></p><p>My daughter had been in and out of Neuro Intensive and plain old Intensive and treatment centers and homeless and for heaven's sake!</p><p></p><p>And they had done what they had done.</p><p></p><p>I don't want to think about them, anymore. I understand it may be difficult to be supportive, or to know how to approach someone whose life has devolved the way mine has and whose children are suffering. </p><p></p><p>I don't have to be sane or kind or forgiving around those issues. </p><p></p><p>But as I have posted before, if my mom were not being well cared for, I would take that on.</p><p></p><p>I had not been aware there was such unresolved pain still, around the way my mom and my sister responded during those hellish years.</p><p></p><p>But there is.</p><p></p><p>Betrayal is always such a sudden, shocking thing. That is a component of betrayal, I suppose.</p><p></p><p>I am okay with my decision to turn away from them. It is right to do that. I will concentrate on healing the hurt of it. When I made the decision not to go to my mother's last summer I was still angry and scared and confused about so many things ~ about everything really, as we do get when we have been through something terrible. I have been curious about them ~ I have been cheating, as SWOT would say.</p><p></p><p>I will have to begin taking far better care of myself around these issues. I am glad I revisited the trauma of those years, Copa. I was beginning to wonder, like I always do, what was the matter with me that I was not seeing my mother and that I was believing and posting such nasty things about my own family.</p><p> </p><p>I really am very angry.</p><p></p><p>I don't know just how to address the way this feels in a good and healing way.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>So...is it my sister feeding on my mom's dysfunction? My mom and my sister...it is just unbelievable, what this all looks like.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 662706, member: 17461"] Ha! That will be what we are looking for here, then. Fangs in her mouth, knife in her purse. Cedar's Rules of Engagement! :O) Here is a secret thing that is true. I don't mind my mom's snarkiness. Not really. I do love my mom and I don't care about the inappropriate or hateful things she does enough to stop seeing her. The betrayal, the utter lack of support from my mother and the shockingly hurtful things my sister did when my daughter was hurt and crazy and homeless ~ those are the things too disturbing to go along with. That they attack me like that in such stupidly and pointlessly hurtful ways is unbelievable. I am coming back from that time three years ago? But a homeless daughter, addicted and beat up and addled and grandchildren endangered and what then happened next with the male who beat and left her for dead ~ I do not know how I made it through that. I don't know. I cannot forgive or let go or just let that sit in the past or ~ there is nothing I can do with those feelings. To have been treated so badly when I was so broken.... WTF *** It is possible to go there any time I want to, or to call her. I think about doing it sometimes, to rock my sister's world. I really do. roar But then, like always, it could be their truth that they are the ones horrified at the way I am behaving and who knows what is really true and when I think about the way everything has been, especially in these past years, I understand separate is best. I do wonder sometimes whether I should be fighting what is happening and what that would look and feel like. I am in a middle place on it. Between my sister and my brother, my mom is well cared for, and that is the deciding factor. I miss my mom. Fangs and all, I do miss her. Fangs and all, I will be very sad when she is gone and this time is lost. But her behavior toward me has become increasingly inappropriate and everything to do with my mom and my sister is seriously way out of balance, and I will never forgive my sister for that. Family ties going into the future...I think about that, sometimes. If my kids were doing well, I would have a different take on that. As things stand, my FOO has been anything but compassionate or supportive. Just the opposite. It is what it is. I don't have to like it. I am sad about it, though. Here is the thing about that last phone call, when my mother was rude to D H and I called her on that and she hung up on me: She had called to tell us that my sister was in the hospital due to an allergic response. And it was so incongruous. My daughter had been in and out of Neuro Intensive and plain old Intensive and treatment centers and homeless and for heaven's sake! And they had done what they had done. I don't want to think about them, anymore. I understand it may be difficult to be supportive, or to know how to approach someone whose life has devolved the way mine has and whose children are suffering. I don't have to be sane or kind or forgiving around those issues. But as I have posted before, if my mom were not being well cared for, I would take that on. I had not been aware there was such unresolved pain still, around the way my mom and my sister responded during those hellish years. But there is. Betrayal is always such a sudden, shocking thing. That is a component of betrayal, I suppose. I am okay with my decision to turn away from them. It is right to do that. I will concentrate on healing the hurt of it. When I made the decision not to go to my mother's last summer I was still angry and scared and confused about so many things ~ about everything really, as we do get when we have been through something terrible. I have been curious about them ~ I have been cheating, as SWOT would say. I will have to begin taking far better care of myself around these issues. I am glad I revisited the trauma of those years, Copa. I was beginning to wonder, like I always do, what was the matter with me that I was not seeing my mother and that I was believing and posting such nasty things about my own family. I really am very angry. I don't know just how to address the way this feels in a good and healing way. Cedar So...is it my sister feeding on my mom's dysfunction? My mom and my sister...it is just unbelievable, what this all looks like. [/QUOTE]
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