"Family relationships are strained & hostile"

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JJJ, Feb 5, 2008.

  1. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    That is the last sentence in the neuropsychologist report on Kanga. Oh, did I mention that neither husband nor I were interviewed by or even met the neuropsychologist?

    Intellectually I know he is going by Kanga's view of the situation. But it is so frustrating!!

    Our family therapist's report states that home life in "noncontributory" to her problems and that we are very involved in Kanga's care despite Kanga's "harshness" towards us. The family social worker at both hospitals told me that they are amazed that we haven't given up on Kanga yet and that we are her best hope for recovery.

    But I know how this goes, one person reads his report and takes that sentence out of context and since it is "part of her medical record", it lives on in infamy...
  2. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    See now if that were us? I would have caused another notation in the report stating that mom is a bit...um....agitated. Can you call this "professional" and inquire about that statement seeing as how you were never involved in this? Is there anyone else on the team that could look into this? I would definately be hopping mad and you're right. Unless you get it changed or at least noted that the info is based strictly on Kanga's view, it's always going to be there. What a crock!
  3. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    JJJ - parent report. Anyone who gets that neuropsychologist evaluation needs to get a copy of your report as well. Might be worth making a notation in the report that evaluation performed on XX/XX/2008 by whatshisface contained zero parental input and therefore some of the statements in it are based strictly on Kanga's distorted perception of reality.

    thank you's got some doozies of reports. I especially love the most recent one that has PTSD as part of one of ... I think Axis II (one of them anyway)? Give me a break. It should more accurately read "inflicter of PTSD".

    Definitely, parent report.
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    How frustrating. I agree with Sue, definitely a parent report. Hugs.
  5. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    A parent report. And I would bear in mind that intellectually you agree with him, and make it clear that you want everyone else agrees with him.

    Kanga's familial relationships are strained and hostile. He's only interviewed her, and he's only diagnosing her. I know that this stabs like a knife in your heart. But logically, they are talking about her, not the rest of you. Just make sure that they know you understand that, an that everyone else understands it, too.
  6. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    Update parent report - word it exactly as Sue recommends. While the majority of your team knows you & your family better than that - one report can totally mess up a treatment plan or placement. A school district, funding source, whatever will latch onto the report they want to justify their decision making process.

    by the way, we know better than that - you have been such a good parent to Kanga - one of the strongest advocates I have seen here. I'm proud to know you & send you & your family positive, healing thoughts daily.

    I pray that Kanga - well, that something breaks through the wound & she finds peace.

  7. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Oh, what a lovely thing to read! Those type of comments just cut to the core. I'm sorry, I do know how this hurts to read.

    As others have said, you have fought long and hard for Kanga. You don't deserve to read something like that. I once got a report something like that. I wrote a letter and asked that it be added as an addendum. Amazingly, the psychiatrist was happy to do so and even added comments that he felt I made some valid points that should be considered, especially since he was getting his facts from my daughter and nowhere else. It made a huge difference when I was battling for IEPs and the like.
  8. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Oops, forgot to add ....

  9. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I agree - while you mightn't get this report 'pulled' you may get it amended, or at the very least, have your response also put in the file. Making it clear that the report is correct but only in so far as it is based entirely on Kanga's claims, actually could be useful. It demonstrates her hostility, and that could be very useful.

    Sometimes reports have the stupidest statements in them. One doctor I saw, an allegedly top specialist whose job clearly was to discredit me to the insurance company, said in his report "she lives the lifestyle of a maniac", purely because I was a working mother who would cook a day in advance so when I got home, I could immediately microwave a stew for the kids to eat right away, and while they were eating I would have the next night's dinner getting started. I could simmer into the late evening then put it in the fridge for the next day. And he thought that was unhinged to do so? Clearly NOT a domesticated male.
    He was also referring to my injury as "alleged" when it was clearly documented by doctors I had seen immediately afterwards. A well-documented wound cannot be "alleged". It's real, because it's been seen, sutured and dressed by a doctor. It's very hard to claim that my imagination was entirely responsible for a gash requiring medical intervention. Very poor scientific/medical reporting, I was amazed that he had any credibility; but of course the insurance company loved him because his reports so often would discredit clients and also intimidate them.
    I didn't need to correct THAT report because I had other specialists (much more credibility) to do it for me.

    I would be wondering what this person's agenda is, though. Has this health 'professional' been entirely snowed by Kanga?

  10. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    JJJ, I find it incredibly upsetting when a report states things that are not accurate. If you try to correct a subjective observation they think you are overly defensive. I have corrected them on "after many hospitalizations"(which were 2 more than 10yrs ago) but sound silly. I usually clarify that it doesn't matter to anyone but me but I feel like I need to make sure the picture that is painted to others is accurate.

    Your comment stands to be confronted to the author. It can change the whole direction of your difficult child's treatment.
  11. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Triple J: I would be very calm about talking to this person though. Remember: more fly's with honey. You're questioning their "professional opinion". I would calmly call and explain that you would like the report to be amended as this could jeopardize future placement with schools as well as basketball etc.

    it is true that the report is written from Kanga's perspective, so would you be satisfied if it read "the patient reports that the home environment is stressed and hostile, however the parents are actively involved in her treatment and care and do not agree with this statement."

    Just a thought...the reason I suggest this is that if you go off you're doing two things: confirming the "stressed and hostile" statement AND questioning their professional judgement.

    Still praying for you!

  12. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Absolutely handle the first step very professionally and calmly.

    I would go with "Dr xyz, I'm concerned about this statement compromising threatment since it is only from kanga's point of view. Could you clarify that it is not based on any parental interview or interaction?

    Gives them an out to save face and you get what you want accomplished.
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    I am sorry you had to read that. I think there is an Axis something...maybe Axis 3 where they list additional things that contribute to the patients problems. Things like financial problems, family problems..etc. I know that at one point I saw on one of Corys reports "family conflict" and I about flipped out thinking they meant that there was abuse or something but they explained to me that it meant that there was conflict between him and us because of his behaviors. Ok...well yeah...ummm...duh!
  14. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Thanks all. The rest of the report is actually really good and he already amended it once at my request to clarify that he was recommending a Residential Treatment Center placement. He just stuck that doozy in there afterwards.

    I have a message into him already.