The main part of the day was a typical reunion. Tons of food, lots of people, disorganized picture taking. When our son and his grandparents arrived, I took him aside and got out of my system the residue from our phone calls on Monday, ending with, "If you ever speak to me that way again, I don't care how angry you are with me, it will be months before you will speak with me again." He apologized. We hugged. Resolved. I had a few moments to speak with his grandmother. It was worse than I thought it would be in that she admitted that he really frightened her. She said she didn't believe he'd ever hurt her...when he's in his right mind...but that the way he was Monday - he scared her. At one point she mentioned his "big knife". It's a pocket knife with a 3" blade I bought him! (In my family, all the guys carried pocket knives. My father was never without one.) I told her that. She said she didn't like knives. We didn't actually get a lot of discussion done because he kept showing up. I took him aside once and discussed that with him; that he had really scared her. He honestly didn't understand. Didn't understand why they were so upset. Admitted he had shouted at his grandfather to keep his hands off him, when he tried to touch him mid-tantrum. Kept repeating if they'd have just left him alone and not tried to make him read a bible verse when he was upset (he's an atheist and they know it), it never would have escalated, etc., etc. but now everything was better. He still hoped to get a job. Was concerned about not being able to get to his girlfriend's on Friday for her birthday. Usual, self-centered self. But then it was time to leave. Jabber and I had a 2 hour drive our direction. For the other family it was 3 in a different direction. Most, including his grandparents and he, had spent the night in a hotel. He was riding back home with an aunt (the middle sis), and expected to stay at his grandparents' house alone as they were staying longer with family. In making my goodbyes, I told his grandmother, "You should kick him out if you need to." and she told me it was going to happen and she hated it, but he really scared them and they just couldn't handle it. Keep in mind, they are nearing 80. So...I wait and wait for Jabber and see him talking to two of his sisters (the oldest and middle) privately. I finally go to get him and end up in the conversation. The family (5 sisters and a brother) had apparently decided they would "handle it" and that our son would not be spending another night under their parent's roof. Grandma had protested discussions of the daughters taking care of things, Grandpa not so much (more on that later). The two sisters tell us that their parents are afraid of him. They'd taken to locking their bedroom door at night. They were nervous and stressed and scared and he had to go. The middle sister had actually had him do housework for her on Tuesday or Wednesday and said he'd been the most pleasant kid you'd ever meet that day, but Monday he'd been different, etc., etc. Anyway, they were unwilling to let him even stay there without their parents there and one said she'd put him up in a hotel. The oldest (who lives in another state and really hasn't been present for our whole ordeal with our son), then said, "Why aren't you taking him? That's your responsibility." or words to that effect. Long story short, the brother and youngest sister join in, the decision is made that Jabber and I will take him to the girlfriend's town and put him up in a hotel for the night. Middle sister says she'll collect his belongings from their parents' house and take them to him, and take him to the closest shelter (in a neighboring town) and even remarked that she'd go back and take him to the girl friend's on Friday. It's about an hour each way for her, but for Jabber and I the trip would be 3 hours to the grandparents, 1 hour to the town, then another 1 1/2 to 2 hours home! We decide we'll just get him in the car and tell him on the way to avoid a scene. Middle sister even tells him she loves him and, if she has any more work to do she'll have him do it. We tell him. He is, of course, incredibly hurt and angry. He doesn't understand why this is happening. He said since Monday things had gotten better and were going well. He was going to call Pizza Hut again Monday and hoped to get the job. He'd hoped to work and get a paycheck before going back to the girlfriends' town. We explain that, while they may have not shown it, his grandparents were extremely stressed. They are near 80, in ill health (Jabber's father has Parkinson's) and they simply couldn't take the stress. Most important though is the fact that Jabber's father actually seems to be suffering from a type of PTSD over the whole thing. You see, Jabber's father's mom, dad, and some siblings were murdered in their home by apparently a spurned admirer of the oldest daughter, when he was a young teenager. He and four or five siblings survived. Middle sister said that in the last 6 months or so, as Jabber's dad has become more frail, he seems to be dwelling on the murders. No one has said anything to Jabber - their oldest son. We explain all this to our son. We explain that the family does love and care about him, but they feel they have to protect their parents from any more stress. We tell him that if any one of their children were causing that kind of stress, the reaction would be the same. Our son seems to accept this. On the way he actually perks up quite a bit. Even after we discover that the shelter he was supposed to go to is now a women's shelter only (their website apparently hasn't been updated in freaking years!) he says it's okay...the girl is turning 18 on Thursday, she'll have $1,100 after her next paycheck, she says there are places hiring in her town, he can sleep on the street for a while, etc. We take him to Wal-Mart to replace some of the food I originally bought (dried fruit, canned meat, jerky, etc.) We buy him a book to replace the one he'd checked out from the library in his grandparent's town (which I'm going to have to somehow return). He's actually in good spirits. There is no motel/hotel in the girlfriend's town either, but there is in one 15 miles away. We take him there, knowing that middle sister will bring him his bag and take him where he wants to go Sunday morning. On the way home middle sis calls. We have a bad signal, but manage to tell her the hotel name and that she'll just be taking him to the girlfriend's town since the shelter is women only. We say we'll call later. Finally at 10 at night, after hours on the road, we get a call from our son. The front desk says someone dropped a bag off for him. Jabber had said he was staying, not our son, since it was our credit card and we didn't know if the hotel would get sketchy about it and it was the only hotel affordable - better safe than sorry - so we couldn't figure out what was going on. We call middle sis. She has gone and picked up his things and given them to youngest sis who lives closest to that town and youngest sis had dropped off our son's backpack. When Jabber asks why, since she was giving him a ride the next day, she says she won't do it. Something like, "He needs to figure out how to take care of this himself." I am LIVID. YES, he needs to figure things out himself, but we left him in the WRONG town BECAUSE she said she'd give him a ride! Otherwise we'd have left him where he wants to be! Yes, he'd be sleeping under a bridge a day sooner, but he wouldn't have a 15 mile hike on top of it! She says she "misunderstood" and she realized she has her grandkids and that she can't do it. Eventually she says she will...then she calls our son and says she won't. He calls me, she calls Jabber, we all are upset! Please understand - I find NO fault in them deciding he had to leave his grandparents' home. I even agree it was a bad idea for him to stay there. They preach and push their values are very, very different from his on virtually every subject (mine too on a lot of subjects) but unlike me he has no ability to simply smile and nod while thinking "you're an idiot"...which in my opinion is an essential life skill in dealing with people you disagree with. My disagreement is HOW they did this. They didn't sit him down, explain this wasn't working, offer any alternatives, they threw him out like trash - six days after the incident - and basically stranded him 15 miles from where he was supposed to be. He was completely blindsided. I might add, his grandmother will be too when they get around to telling her what they did. While she intended to kick him out, I assure you she would NEVER have stranded him. My son woke up Saturday morning and believed he was going to a family reunion. He went to bed feeling he has no family but Jabber and I. So...we're calling him a cab and paying to take him to the next town. On very little sleep and a 3+ hour drive, it's the best choice. He at least will be in the town he wanted to be in. So...that's really it. We're exhausted. We feel quite betrayed ourselves. Jabber is hurt that apparently the family has been discussing this for a while but NO ONE bothered to call and tell US, not to mention the fact that middle sis is apparently concerned with her father's state of mind, but NO ONE told US. Our son says he has no family and never cares to ever see another one of them ever again. To be perfectly honest, while frankly horrified and heart-broken that his grandparents actually thought he might do them harm (for all his posturing, he has never been violent toward any person) I feel much the same right at the moment at least where my sisters-in-law and brother-in-law are concerned. I feel, frankly, that despite what I told our son last night, that they would not have treated any one of their children this way...just my son, their brother's "adopted" son. I frankly don't feel that they have ever considered him "theirs" the way they do the others - even though we married when he was 5. Jabber disagrees and it may just be the hurt talking, but right now that's how I feel.