What was the fit about, Lil?
What does that look like, when he is having a tantrum?
What was it about? Well it started with being grumpy because grandma woke him up early and started immediately on "go get a job". He is unreasonably adverse to being told to "get a job". In other words, lazy as hell. He's also NOT a morning person. So he starts the day in a bad mood. He wants to go to Six Flags with his girl...with no money and she's an hour away. He's ridiculous. But that kind of selfish nonsense is what he's best at. He then gets told to go to Pizza Hut to get an "assessment". and his mood changes from angry to excited. He goes and it literally is filling out a paper and they'll let him know. So he's back to upset because he doesn't have a job when he thought they'd hire him when he went. He gets home to find out that his Vape is broken and he'd just spent his last $10 on atomizers for it. He has no Vape and 3 cigarettes and no job and no money and his grandparents are (in his mind) being unreasonable about the job hunting and they want him to help mow the yard, again, which he hates...That's what it was about.
What does it look like? Hard to say. If you try to speak to him he shouts and is rude and is loud and will actually SCREAM out his words. He'll have his fists clenched and jaw clenched and his body language is very aggressive. He'll huff and puff like he's trying to blow the house down. He'll toss his arms around and has punched the door to his room numerous times, bloodying his knuckles. He slams doors and throws things on the floor and generally acts like an idiot.
I don't doubt it is quite frightening to anyone who doesn't know him well enough to just get mad at him for being a jerk.
I am sorry, Lil. I think D C does understand, and that his words regarding the grands' reactions are a manipulation designed to inflame the mother heart in you and get you on his "side".
No. It didn't.
I don't think you get that just because I believe that, in his mind, things were better and all was well, does NOT mean I am on "his side". I must have said a dozen times on this thread that I blame him completely
for getting kicked out. Our entire problem is HOW it was done, not THAT it was done.
There is something hitting me wrong about how little your son understood about why his grandparents were upset; how he could not understand they were afraid for their money and maybe, their lives.
Actually, that makes perfect sense to me because that is how he is. He has had a thousand tantrums and when they are over they are over in his mind. You should never even mention them again. Once he's happy, everyone else should just forget it ever happened.
That is the way he ALWAYS has been. This is nothing new.
It bothers me that you could not talk to the grandma at length because D C kept popping up.
This is also quite normal for him. In any large group, especially if they are people he does not know well or older people, he pretty much stays right by my side. I tell him to go talk to a cousin and he'll blow it off or say he doesn't want to or what have you. While this is family, he's seen them maybe 4 times a year, so they would not be people he "knows well". If he's bored, he knows he can ramble on at us about Game of Thrones or whatever his obsession of the moment is, to us. So he stays next to us to have someone to talk to. Also the younger folks tend to throw a ball around, etc., and he has no interest in that. He did, eventually, go out and talk with the cousins...but by then we were about to leave, (or so we thought).
Also, let's be honest, he knew we may be talking about him and he's nosey.
Your son's plans and actions are not in sync with reality and whoever gets drawn in to them is going to suffer. He plans to live in the woods behind a trailer park and mooch off an underage girl he met on the Internet, while her new step-father looks on?
Oh worse than that. He plans to move in with a girl who will have just barely turned 18, who he met on the internet, while her biological father (who she just recently moved in with having lived with her mother previously) looks on, with the girl paying for everything because he doesn't have a job yet.
Believe me when I say this reminds me so much of his biological father it scares me. I just hope he doesn't leave a trail of illegitimate children behind.
I'm just ready for our son to live his own life, no matter how dysfunctional it may be, without calling us every five minutes to vent about how EVERYONE is screwing him over.
OMG, how true this is. I want this SO much!
And it doesn't help when once in a while, he actually DOES get "screwed over" in ways that were not totally his fault. And yes, that happens to neurotypical kids too. Unfortunately, it's part of life. But take a kid like this and give him a few real-life examples of being at the short end of the stick, and... that's what he's going to see coming at him from every direction, even if it isn't true.
Yep. Like I said, he has a real persecution complex. In his little brain no one but him ever has consequences for their actions. Everyone else can break rules with impunity, but he's not allowed to.
From being a little boy who complained that everyone else talked in class, but HE was the only one who ever got punished for it, to the grown man who complained that the homeless shelter let his friend get food from the pantry but HE wouldn't be allowed to because it was against the rules (so he never asked), or his friends would put in one job application and get hired, but that doesn't work for him - he has the idea firmly in mind that the whole world is against him.