*Family, Rob could use a good thought*-Update

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Suz, Dec 16, 2009.

  1. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    ...he is desperately unhappy and depressed. His vision is still skewed. The left side of his body is still weak. His job laid him off (thank goodness because at least now he qualifies for unemployment) and he is bored and lonely. His memory is weak and his cognitive skills are still challenged.

    He has been shuffled from one doctor to another the last 4 months since his motorcycle accident and either they didn't take his insurance so they refused to treat him or they referred him to someone else. Next Tuesday I'm going with him to another doctor...a neuro-ophthalmologist, to try to get some answers about his vision. And he's going to try to make an appointment tomorrow with a psychiatrist to help him with his severe depression.

    It is heart-wrenching that Rob is engaged to a good young woman who is pregnant and he should be overjoyed...but a difficult child-decision last August has made this time one of sadness, fear, and anxiety instead. He could really use some good thoughts sent his way...and I'd sure appreciate it, too.

    Last edited: Dec 23, 2009
  2. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Sending good thoughts and strength to Rob, his fiancee, your grand-baby-to-be, and to you Suz.

  3. ML

    ML Guest

    Prayers and good thoughts going out to him and to all of you. Love, ML
  4. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Sending positive healing thoughts to Rob. I'm glad that you're going with him to the new doctor on Tuesday and that he's seeking help for his depression. I hope things begin to turn around for the sake of Rob, his fiancee and their baby. And hugs going out to you, Suz.
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Suz...I was so worried about this. Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI)'s are so hard to get over and they take a really long time. This new neuro eye doctor sounds like a good idea. I think he probably needs a new neuro doctor too if he is still having weakness on one side of his body. Im afraid the cognitive problems may just be a problem that will be something that could last a long time and he will have to learn ways to compensate for them.

    The depression and mood changes are things that are so completely normal after a thing like this but it will do him good to go to a psychiatrist.

    Make sure you tell him its not a sign of him being weak but a sign that its a physical problem.

    Many prayers going out to him and to all of your little family.
  6. Lori4ever

    Lori4ever New Member

    Prayerss and good thoughts going out to all of you. I'm glad you're going with him to eye doctor, even happier he's going to psychiatrist. I think that may help a lot, this has to be so hard on him, especially with baby coming. He's probably terrified with all of it. I think I would be, too. Sending many good wishes.
  7. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sending hugs, prayers, and many good thoughts.
  8. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    It seems our kids can never catch a break sometimes!

    Hate, hate, hate that this happened and this is the result.

  9. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Hoping for a Festivus Miracle for him...
  10. All my best thoughts to you. It sounds like he's trying hard to do the right things and I know how much we all feel that when they do it "right" they should be rewarded!

    Fingers crossed.
  11. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Suz I've also been worrying about Rob for a while. Like Janet said, Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI)'s are slow to recover from, it's just not like any other injury. But he does have age on his side and a chance to regain alot of what was lost / impaired. In the meantime it's terribly frustrating and often downright infuriating to find you can't do even some simple tasks you never even gave a thought to before. In some ways I have no trouble imagining this is even tougher on a young man.

    Rob is always in my prayers.

  12. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Thanks everyone. I appreciate waking up to so many caring responses. I talked to him twice last night, listening to him sob and trying to reassure him that it will get better and that his feelings are normal. I tell you, it wrenches your heart inside and out.

    He has no recollection of the accident and part of his frustration is that he remembers his "old self" and then out of nowhere there is this "new self" he doesn't even recognize, who is so challenged. When he shared that it helped me understand how completely overwhelming this must be for him.

    In addition to these two appts, he does have an appointment with a neuro on January 21.

    Thank you so much for your thoughts.

  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry that he is hurting so. This kind of pain just hoovers.

    Hopefully this new understanding can be understood by the docs and used to help him learn what he needs to know.
  14. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Suz I am so sorry. Of course I will send good thoughts and prayers. I'm glad he is sharing his feelings with you although I know it makes you feel so helpless. As mothers we will always want to make things better and it is gut wrenching when we have to sit by the sidelines and watch them go through difficult times and there is nothing we can do. There are so many times when I wish life had a replay button. In a split second life changes so dramatically.

  15. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    Suz, sending many good thoughts and wishes and prayers .... I'm so sorry this has happened, it's a long road recovering from a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) and when there's no recollection of how it happened it's even harder. Here's hoping that the neuro-ophthalmologist will have some helpful information to give, and that Rob's rehab will progress steadily, even if slowly. Many hugs to you and your aching heart, and many good wishes to Rob and his fiancee and your grandchild-to-be.
  16. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Suz....I can understand him not having any recollection of the accident. He probably doesnt have any memory of the time right before it either or the time right after it either. I dont. I actually was told mine wasnt so much a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) but more of an encepholapathic (sp) injury. Same type of trauma though to my brain just didnt get hit to my brain.

    I still dont remember whole chunks of time in the month of October 2009. Even some of Sept. I dont remember Cory coming home from jail the end of September or him getting his trailer but I know he did. I have vague memories of being in the first hospital but most of them are the delusions. Not real memories.

    I still cant do a much math. I cant subtract at all. Addition is hard. I mostly have to use a calculator for anything. My therapist notices some funky stuff in my conversations where I go back over things that I say. And this is a year out.

    Tell Rob there are other people who have been there and are still working on it. He is in good company...lol. We are on his side. We really do care about him.
  17. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    :sorry: How unfortunate that he is struggling. I'm sure his challenges that are his normal difficult child challenges are magnified and compounded by the head injury.
    Maybe a support group would help him. There may be a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) group in the area. Keep reminding of how far he has come and that he is strong and can work slowly to come out of this.
    I will definitely be thinking of him today so that he starts to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
    If he is going to be eligible for unemployment could he check into some training? They unemployment office may have some programs to help find jobs and the training for a job change. It's probably not a good time since he isn't quite ready but the search may give him hope.
    Many gentle hugs.
  18. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    I keep Rob, H and baby in my prayers every day. I'm sorry to see that he is struggling. I don't imagine many of us would have any idea of what he is truly going through on a daily basis and the challenges he has ALREADY overcome just to get to where he is now. It is (at the least) frustrating to have a knowing brain in a body that refuses to cooperate with the rest of the bodies movements. Brain says - MOVE THAT, body says - nope....not today. Brain says "YOU should do this now." Body says "Yawn, I'm tired now - come back tomorrow and we'll try again." Brain says "I am going to force you to move." Body says "Oh yeah make me genius." This goes on all day long and eventually you get some reaction; however small and you feel as if you've overcome Mt. Everest in a bikini. Learning to walk after the first drunk was a little like that.

    I told my PT - My head said "I can." my leg and back said "Later." My PT said "Think about a plexiglass box. Then think about a little mouse. Put that mouse in the box and shake that box for about 15 minutes, up, down, left, right, back and forth. Now take the mouse out of that box and put him down on the table and make him walk a straight line. Think he could do it?"
    I laughed and said "I don't think he'd be hardly alive let alone walk sheesh you just shook the mess out of him for 15 minutes." "THAT'S EXACTLY MY POINT!!! You just got your brains scrambled, your signals crossed,your nerves unwired, your muscles criss-crossed, and what has been the way it once was for nearly 17 years was undone hard - jumbled, shaken."


    Give yourself some time to unscramble - it takes time for all those parts to settle back into place - IF they ever do, and that's a reality you have to learn to deal with. The first thing I refused to accept was that I had to accept that I may not be able to (blank). But I also knew if that was going to be the way of it? I could NOT allow myself to get depressed. You can't have it both ways. Either or Rob.....Either you are going to give yourself some time, the time it takes and work at wellness...or you can start to accept that it's never going to get better and learn to accept how it is. Either way - there is no room for depression. You have a child on the way that is going to DEPEND on YOU.....and look to YOU for HOW to handle the worst situations and mimic YOU and your behaviors when he falls, when he looses a game, when he misses the ball with a bat, or gets a crayon outside the line. He's going to look to you and Heather for the example on how to handle and overcome the worst things in life and be the best you can for it.

    If I were there I'd tell you to look at your OWN Mom. Despite whatever the world, YOU or anything else that was thrown at her - look at how she has been a true example for YOU on how to handle crisis. You haven't exactly been an easy kid to raise you know. SO take some of that strength that is just in your genes, draw on it - and tell yourself every day - if the mouse in the box took longer than 3 years to walk a straight line - I'll allow myself 5 years. You have people that love you all around you, you have people all over the country and world keeping you in their good thoughts and prayers - (We've always been here for you kids) GET WELL - Take your time.

    Much love
  19. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Oh Suz, I'm sorry I missed this earlier.

    I will continue my prayers for Rob, as I do for all the big and small kids we all love so much. What matters from now forward is that he focus on the future, adjusting to his new self, and making this life with his girlfriend and baby.

    Hugs also to you - you must be so worried and in another kind of mommy pain.
  20. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    You got it Suz.

    A friend of my mom has a son, J, a few years younger than me who also nearly killed himself on his motorcycle. I do believe though that in his case, he came a heck of a lot closer than Rob did. Now granted, J will never be exactly the same as he was before BUT after time and a lot of work on his part, he's pretty damn close. (And as I said, was in a lot worse shape than Rob was Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) wise) I know that things like this are frustrating and depressing especially whan you are young like Rob. But please tell him that it will get better, it will just take a lot of time. Patience is never much of a presence when you are his age but he's got to have it.

    If you want, I can see if J has computer access and would be willing to talk to Rob somehow. He was a bit of a difficult child himself but I honestly don't know how he is now. I remember him from school but in addition to him being younger, we never ran in the same circles. I will find out what I can for you though if you think it will help. It sounds like there are a lot of similarities in their medical cases.