"Family Support" needed

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Feb 2, 2011.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I noticed on difficult child's last report from Department of Juvenile Justice, which gets copied to PO and me, it said we'd need "Family Support" in addition to some other things typically indicated for kids coming from Department of Juvenile Justice, upon his release. That must explain why this PO is calling monthly asking when I saw difficult child last and how often I'm visiting. Well, then there's difficult child's behavioral counselor in Department of Juvenile Justice who can't get the phone to work that the kids are supposed to use to call parents and he's a bit flakey so he tells PO I have been contacting difficult child even when I have. Anyway, it's the tone of voice and mannerism along with the "I"m just calling to see if you've visited difficult child lately", along with seeing difficult child and I dwindling even further apart and difficult child becoming more and more comfortable in a Department of Juvenile Justice environment and less and less able to ever go back to acting like a minor with a parent living in a family home in the community that has me about to throw in the towel.

    The courts people (CSU- ie, PO) just don't get it. IMHHO, difficult child is lucky I visit him at all and I for darn sure am tired of standing in the cold over 1/2 hour trying to get thru the gate after I drive 2 hours first thing on a weekend morning to see this kid.

    Soooo....I've tried to return the guy's call (PO that is) but I have a feeling things are about to change. Really, they think going deeper with this "method" is going to improve things or make me more willing and comfortable with difficult child coming home? And exactly what's the plan that will actually hold difficult child more accountable instead of trying to make me answer to them more? They think if he sees a PO more often and I visit more often and I have to answer to PO more then difficult child won't use a knife to threaten or steal from me? Really?
  2. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Doesn't it feel like it's the Nuts running the Nuthouse? I swear, the more deeply ensconsed I get within the mental health industry the more is see people that are in it to fight their own demons.

    I'm sorry their putting you through all of this...it's an outrage, it really is.

    Many hugs!

  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Hugs, k... I understand... If only the parents would do their jobs, right?! Ah-hah.
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    PO called back so I started going off about it all- reminding him of difficult child's offenses that got him committed both times, that I'm the one that called police on him, how I resent having to continue going thru this while difficult child and my relationship continues to get worse and he's not getting any better. Yes, I understand he has to be held accountable but I don't have to set him up for failure by continuing down a path we;'ve been on for five years and hasn't helped him yet or by doing the same thing we tried last year and expecting it to turn out any differently. He asked if I'd consider going to dss and filing for relief of custoody. I said yes but then explained the situation with my bro and what I'd been told by dss in the last jurisdiction and since they are a state agency, it would probably be the same deal here.

    I said it made no sense to me, from a parent's viewpoint, why anyone would think increasing appts with parent or kid would turn things around while they refuse to spend one dime on my kid instead. I told him he needs a step-down place where he has to earn his way back home and it really should be Department of Juvenile Justice looking into that instead of automatically thinking of turning the kid over to dss. He started saying "well, if you really don't want him anymore..." and I cut him off. I NEVER said I don't want my son. I said, and have said for 2 years now, that it is in his best interest and gives him the best chance to have to earn his way back home and back into the community by going to a step-down place first, whether that's a group home or Residential Treatment Center (RTC), and gradually integrate back in as he proves he can but he has been incarcerated about 95% of the time since he was 14 yo and he's 16yo now and he has to re-learn how to live in society,. This unlocking the door and letting him free with threats to me if I'm not there to pick him up just isn't cutting it.

    He said this jurisdiction does have some say so on what services he gets when difficult child is released now that I have moved here. He said since difficult child committed those 2 offenses against me that would justify him looking into a half-way house for him. He had to get off the phone then but said he would explore it as an option and see what he could find out.
  5. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Hope the new PO can and will come through for you.
  6. barneysmom

    barneysmom Member


    This is outrageous. I remember your posts when your son went in -- you predicted that he would get too comfortable with the Department of Juvenile Justice environment.

    I hate the little innuendos of the PO. I have experience with juvie and the PO's. Unfavorable. I was so trusting and naive about the PO's. But they let me down (our gfg17 had a psychotic break in juvie which didn't have to happen, I had been begging for help as the symptoms were as plain as the nose on my face). Probably ill-equipped for the complexities of 21st century Department of Juvenile Justice -- under-trained, no critical thinking, unable to think out of the box, and arrogant. I'm sure there are great PO's out there -- wish I could have met one.

    Hope it works out. Push hard and maybe get some kind of advocate. You might call your state representative's office. A case mgr in a psychiatric hospital suggested that to me -- said another desperate mom had done it. Our state rep's office took a big interest in our case and I will be forever grateful.

  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    The area you are now is actually in the forefront on juvenile justice programs. Now I dont know if he can back end into them because from what I read it would have been in his better interest to have started them from the beginning but maybe there is a way to go around it.
  8. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    You might be right Janet. I was aware that less moeny is spent on kids after they've gone to Department of Juvenile Justice than before- but that's pretty sad considering they never spent a dime on mine before he went. The more I learn, the more I realize how bad that jurisdiction was for difficult child. It's too bad they can't be held accountable. I don't have reason (yet, at least) to think this PO here is BS'ing me like the ones in the last jurisdiction do/did so that alone makes me feel a little better. If that lasts then I guess our only glitch was him doubting whether or not I really had a place to live here but once he saw I did, he seems to be ok - he apologized after I went off about him calling to check on me visiting difficult child. He is concernedabout me traveling so much if this has to continue and difficult child comes to live here but I am, too, and know that would never work. But if/when difficult child does come back to live with me, I won't travel so much even if it costs me my job.
  9. Jena

    Jena New Member

    i'm sorry it makes zero sense to me also. i dont' know the staet yet is there anyway to contact outside agencies to see what services they can bring in in home services intensive kinda stuff with-o getting place he's in now being the one that has to find it or ref him?

    sounds silly yet i was just thinking that. i'm sure you have already gone down that road.