Family Therapy at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) - 3-19-08 - Hard on my Boogie

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DavidH, Mar 21, 2008.

  1. DavidH

    DavidH Guest

    HI folks,

    Justin still doing very well at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) may have gotten his next level yesterday but I will not find out till I get a letter from him hope today or tomorrow.

    Well, the therapist and I have talked for a while about how we deal with dealing with the bio mom issue - she decided that they will pre-prep him before I arrive... I agreed it was best so he knew what was coming and all.

    I arrive and she warns me they had asked him if he had a magic wand what would it be like with his bm, his number one thing was my dad and mom would get back togather and I can be a big brother to my little sister. (oh what a dream world I wish I lved in!! ha ha)

    Make a long story short he seems to understand and accept that his bm is the way she is and he has no part in it, not anything to do with him - but he feels maybe I should have given her more chances before telling her to be a mom or back off, then he says well maybe it is her new husbands fault he will not let her contact me, I explained the past in regard to my first now adult son, how I would go and see and be with him no matter what and did all his childhood, even though it was not easy I did it because I loved him and nothing and no one would keep me away. He said he understands but thinks she just needs time, and she will write or call me, I will keep wrting her and give it time he says I have lots of time to give her a chance, he sais he does not care about her past, it does not bother him... I agreed and explained that no one wants to make him stop "wanting" or wishing his mom was in his life, but the important thing is he is getting to be a mature young man now and he has to know the truth about actions and understand that dad can and will not participate any longer in helping - explained to him my hands are now washed of this issue with your mom - but I still make the choices for him and that no I will not ever take him to her home and just show up on her door and no he will not be allowed to just fly up to her home and try to find her. I explained until he is 18 I will be the one that keeps him safe from harms way - but if she does wake up and wants to be a positive part of his life I will not stop her, even told him I wish she would for his sake.

    tears... so sad to see the tears drop like huge rain fall tearing this poor childs heart out with the words I was saying to him I popped his fantisy ballon and ripped his dreams apart...

    in the end... it all comes around and I tolld him.. hey you know what.... who was in this chair last Aug, Oct and all the months, who is here on family days, who is sitting here now... you know what.. who do you think will be sitting here next month on family therapy... ME... and I will ALWAYS be here... no matter what never fail to understand your daddy loves you no matter what and I will fight like hell to help you reach the stars... and I see smiles come back to this new young man.. and I am proud once again. :)
  2. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    The hardest thing in the world is watching your child hurt. You wish that YOU had that magic wand, and that you could just take all that hurt away.

    I went through the same thing with Copper (my 20YO) when she was growing up. It is truly heart wrenching.

    Someone just wrote this on another post somewhere, and I hope I quote this right. The death of a dream can be worse than the death of a person. Right now your son is grieving the death of his dream, and the fact that bm is still alive (and not responding to him whatsoever) is giving him that glimmer of hope. It would actually be easier for him if she passed away, or is she sent him a letter saying "I do not wish to contact you". That would give him some finality. Instead, the door is cracked open just enough for him to keep that dream alive.

    Poor kid. But don't think for one second that he does not know who has been there for him all along. He will never forget that.
  3. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    David, BBK is right. Justin does and will know you've been there for him no matter what. That is biomom is such a fool to throw her son's love away is tragic, for her and for him. Ultimately, he'll grow up and realize that he did fine without her. One day she may realize what she's lost. For her sake, I hope it's not too late.

    It sounds like he's progressing nicely. Tell him to keep up the good work. He has a very large group pulling for him to succeed at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and, more importantly, succeed at home.