Family therapy session 6...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Ropefree, Dec 11, 2008.

  1. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    What transpired is that each of us described the events of the week-end,
    which still center on the abrupt change where "I don't want to talk to you"
    and the overnignts and the police calls. ect...

    So we each have a private time to talk about this interesting event. He says one thing...that I did know that he did tell me, and me said...what he said was...something else.
    Whatever he said, he did not have my permission and it is not ok for unsupervised overnights.
    Also we talked about the intrusion in our lives of the negligent family values that are seeping in from the freinds who are suffering mightly from the parental disintrest.
    Plus all the ground rules established in the first intervention are not being followed and the "threrapy" offered by the younge not parent that includes saying to me that "lots of teens are without parenting".
    I did not have these behavors in my home until the recent months and clearly they are learned by families who do not talk, follow courtesy,
    and live like slobs.
    I managed to point out that it is the lack of interest in co-operation that causes the focus point to return to me. I do want the school attendace, the good grades, the attention to household rules, and the where abouts information and no overnights and unsupervised gatherings are not ok.
    I am not "letting" the teen in my home muck about with the teens who, as we all know, are included in the substance abuse world readily.
    That IS where the pushing is going on.

    So the big idea the therapist offered after selling the idea that maybe it is ok to let teens do as will ? underage teens...the exact age group that does the big dive into drugs and then stay there for years until they dry out later, or not.
    The offer is a "contract" behaovr plan which I can see at session 7.
    What I want to know is why do the distrcits switch around the staff and let the children who do need conseling services keep starting at square one with each person acting as a conselor?
    On the same vein, having patients who are having long term issues bouncing from one treating practioner to another...
    It seems that this meathod keeps people "in the dark" and the "process" being paid for is redunant and not balanced on continuity of care or an infromed and engaged treating practioner.
    REevals, for example, having done IQ testing one time if there are not follow up testing there are no comparitive results to show if treatment achieves increases or not. That is not double blind...that is just plain blind.

    I want the possitive evidenced meathods that do work for communication with teens.
  2. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Ropefree, I feel your pain. Our MSW told us it wasn't so shocking that difficult child 2 (16 y.o. at the time) was having sex with a 14 y.o. because MSW had gotten involved with his own wife when they were that age. This girl of difficult child's had been sexually active since the age of 12, very promiscuous and drug user. We don't have to have the same values as the "experts". This girl got him to leave home, family, friends, his band, hockey team and school. He got into drugs and booze. Now he wants a good paying job (medical or legal), not going to happen with a GED!

    You will no doubt experience a lot of pressure to conform to the values of the other families in your community. Please vent away here and stand strong.
  3. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    Thanks for the encouragement Three Shadows.
    I have a feeling that the urge to push on the restrains is connected to the lack of self respect/low self esteem and the deep wish to have friends.
    I feel like it is important to hold teens accountable and to not give up.
    And there are definately youths and younge adults who are going NOWHERE
    who have nothing but time to coach and push the underfunctioning lifestlye.
  4. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    I would just like to ask that you please be careful about lumping all parents of substance abusing kids together. My difficult child was a kid that most parents would not want their child to hang out with--I got that and even warned some parents that my kid would be a bad influence on theirs. She didn't learn her bad behaviors at home and she didn't learn them from other kids either--she was just so defiant and so wild and nothing we did made any difference. Please don't be too judgmental of other parents based on their children's behavior--sometimes you don't have the whole picture.
  5. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    Janebrain: Point well taken. Thank you. However, I am well acquainted with the
    fact that plenty of parents are neglecting their teens in so many ways and using
    in the parents who are using drugs in their homes and the younge adults and others who are pushing and promoting the use of drugs and alcohol to underage and each other, for that matter, are a LARGE and very GENERAL problem.
    I feel that for youth who do have impulsivity issues the facts are quite clear that left to the cultural norms are very much at risk. In fact our youth are more sought after for the amusement of others than has ever been so befor.
    And with the ecomomy, jobs, health care in peril and the bid for college ever more challenging I am not certain that parents have exhausted the needful
    conditions to support our special needs teens into a sober and sane adulthood.
    I think that when parents are engaged and meaningful in their direction that
    the better oppertunities are possible.
    The differant needs of today behoove us to rise to the occation of today. These people are going to need us in future. Just as the future needs them.
  6. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Janebrain, I think there are many different Americas. The community in which we raised our difficult children used to have manufacturing (sleds and snowshoes), a cannery, a tannery, jobs that gave people a sense of pride and purpose. Often these jobs were filled by generations of the same families. These jobs have now all gone overseas and the towns are left with despair. There is a lot of parental neglect and disinterest because there is no sense of hope for the future and children are the future. Many boys knocked on our door late at night asking for a place to stay. I always insited that the child call the parent in my presence to tell him/her he was okay and at a home with adult supervision. When MY child ran away (often) not a single call was made to my home to tell us he was alive and well.

    I did not mean to offend, we are not drug users either and difficult child shot up heroin, used coke, etc... BECAUSE OF PEER PRESSURE.