Family Trip

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by dstc_99, Jan 28, 2013.

  1. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Every year my mother comes up with a hair brained scheme for a family trip. This year she decided months ago that she wants to take a trip to the Dominican Republic and wants us all to go. The hubby and I haven't gone in two years due to finances and his deployment. There are just so many issues with trying to get us all available at one time and keep it affordable.

    First of all she knows I have no leave from work due to all the issues with difficult child and the easy child this last year. Second she wants to schedule it during spring break or the summer and we have to move this summer. Third we have to get passports which as expensive but they are willing to buy the girls for them. Fourth I really have no urge to spend the only week of the year I get with my husband and daughters with my parents because my mom has so many mental and physical limitations and no one can truly enjoy themselves. Last but not least she really wants to do it during spring break. Now that difficult child lives with them in a different county easy child has a different spring break so that wont work.

    Anyway when difficult child went to live with them I gave my mother the Passport paperwork for difficult child so they could go ahead and file for it and take her with them. Of course my mom now says we have to be there to file it and she wants us to bring easy child with us to get hers done at the same time. It would require me to drive several hours away and easy child and difficult child to take a day off of school for this to happen. I said no. I will take difficult child's passport application and get it notarized or whatever needs to be done and drop it off when we have the guardianship hearing. I am not taking easy child out of school for a day to do it when we live less than 30 minutes from a place that can do the passport. I also dont think it is setting a good example to let difficult child take a day out of school for it when she just moved there. I told my mom I would take care of easy child's here.

    Here is my problem.....I am being a little paranoid and I really don't want easy child to go with them. I don't trust my parents right now after they allowed difficult child to leave my home and supported her the whole way. What is to stop them from deciding they want to do the same thing with easy child? I would be in the same position I am now with not wanting to take them to court and drag them through the mud but wanting my child back. It is probably a little paranoid on my part but hell if I were a kid and I had to live with someone who made me do chores or with someone I associate with elaborate vacation, I would chose the fun people. easy child has seen how difficult child managed to manipulate them with saying she would run away or hurt herself unless allowed to live with them. Who is to say easy child wont see this as an option?

    I don't want easy child to miss out on a wonderful experience with her grandparents, my brother, and his girlfriend. I don't want her to feel like I don't want her around my parents. They aren't horrible people. This is a once in a lifetime thing to go somewhere exotic. At the same time the hubby and I have ABSOLUTELY no urge to go. In fact I would rather have all my teeth pulled than spend a week trapped with my parents.

    Anyway give me some advice? I need it!
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well trust me on the teeth, you wouldnt rather do that!

    Oh this is a hard one. I so understand your position. I wish it was a perfect world and your easy child could have that wonderful vacation with her grandparents. I really do think it is a slim chance that what happened with your difficult child would happen with your easy child but how do you know? Talking from a grandmother who really only has one granddaughter I would go to the mat to get my hands on, your easy child would be safe.

    I dont know...I do understand your dilemma.
  3. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yeah, I understand your dilemma too, it's a tough one. I have no real advice. You are the one in the middle of all of this, you may be the only one who can 'feel' your way through it all and listen to your gut, to your intuition. We don't know the players nor can we feel the nuances, see the body language, pick up the yourself on this one. If you feel in your mommy heart that sending your 12 year old will open doors you don't want opened, then go with that. on the other hand, if you think that easy child is too young to really try this tactic, and difficult child is in her own category and your parents really don't want both of your kids and perhaps you are overreacting with fear, then let her go. It really sounds like one of those issues where the appropriate response is going to come from within you. And, if you have a few months before this will go down, you can continue to access it all, really listening and allowing your intuition to speak to you. I'm a real believer in intuition, it is the part of us that 'knows.' So, I would say, keep your antenna up, listen to what is said, wait awhile and trust your gut.
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    If you have any doubts, I think you should keep easy child home and let her have a safer family experience with grandparents. They may not be horrible people, but they certainly don't care what you think or believe in your parenting and they in my opinion it sounds like they can't really be trusted. If a twelve year old misses one trip, that doesn't mean she can't travel all over the world when she is an adult. Meanwhile, she can still enjoy her grandparents and uncle and his SO...with you nearby, watching. Personally, I don't care for how they handled your difficult child at all and I wouldn't trust them with my other child, grandparents or not. If you don't want to spend any time with them, why do you think easy child does? You have to think about that too. I would think really long and hard about sending her if you aren't going too. JMO.