Fantasy Land

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by dirobb, Mar 14, 2008.

  1. dirobb

    dirobb I am a CD addict

    Hi all, looking for ideas.

    difficult child 14ss was pretending since christmas that he is very depressed/out of it/over medicated. We got another letter from the school yesterday, after he has had a week or so of admitting his scam and promising to do better. He talked to the teachers but is still rolling his eyes into the back of his head and seems to walk around uncoordinated.

    We have another talk with him. (Seriously considering hospitalization) So he says why don't you just send me back to live with my mom. (they get along great now...i wonder daily battles with him...he was violent at her home) This is not an option for him.

    So here lies my question. How do I help him realise that this is not viable. He keeps fantasising (sp) that things would be great there. He would magically do all his work/or they would work together on it. He would no longer "forget" assignments / instructions. MAGICAL THINKING. We have talked about this with therapist (have an appointment tonite). Apparently we have made no progress. How do I get him to wake up and be present, see the reality of his situation.

    He is slowly killing this school year. He is so sure that we will send him packing if he doesnt act right. His biomom used to feed these fantasys. We are not sure if she is still doing that. (talking to her about it is unproductive....but we are even considering that)

    My husband is entertaining the idea of broaching the subject of her taking custody back. But that would not be good. He would not quailfy for the ins we have him on and the other coverage does not cover anything. So he would go off medications and she was not hip on following up on therapy and docs recommendations.

    Any input would be appreciated.
  2. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Wish I had the answer. I call it anywhere-but-here-itis. thank you has a severe case of it.

    I think for thank you at least it's a case of being completely unable/unwilling to recognize that the issues are internal, not external. He's had a lot of different placements and interestingly (to him anyway) he has the same problems no matter where he is. None of it is on him, though. It's always due to someone/thing else.

    He will participate in school.... when he comes home to live (not that he ever did when he was living here).

    He will do daily hygiene.... when he comes home to live.

    He will you name it when he's anywhere but where he is.

    He is completely unable to connect the dots - do it *now* in order to come home. Or better yet, do it now because it's what you're supposed to be doing no matter where you are.

    He will only do things on his terms, in his ideal environment which changes when the new placement ends up having the same problems the old one did (as opposed to *him* still having the same problems).

    I honestly wish I had the answer for you. I feel like I've been just hammering my head against a brick wall when it comes to this issue. With him now 17, it's to the point that I've told him that he needs to get a life *now* just for the sake of practice. Still deaf ears - he'll do what he's supposed to be doing when he needs to, like somehow he doesn't need to now.

    I just don't know how to break thru this incredibly frustrating thought process of his.
  3. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    This is a battle we have had also. As I am not really familiar with the situation I can only tell you that in ours we just had to stick to our guns. Not that it worked even a fraction of the time but if he thinks he can wait you guys out to get what he wants then he will try that with everything.

    Good luck

  4. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    "Mom, if I were only home, I would be just fine". I hear that all the time from wm & we all know that isn't the case. He's been given every chance in the world - it's all someone else's or someplace else's fault.

    Wouldn't it be nice though if that were the case - a fantasy come true? Our boys seem to live in their own worlds - where everything is on their terms or they will make life about them he!!.

    dirobb, I don't know if it's a young man difficult child thing or not but we see it here with wm all the time.