father in law challenge

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Abbey, May 6, 2009.

  1. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Tonight was the ultimate challenge with father in law who has Alzheimers. He wants to go turkey hunting on Friday by himself. Evidently you can't shoot turkeys with more than one person. Go figure.

    THE MAN CANNOT HAVE A SHOTGUN ANYMORE!!! He already shot someone in the foot a few months ago. Next would be him getting lost in the woods and not have any cell connection.

    I've got mother in law over her crying her heart out...H over trying to sneak all guns out of the house (hard thing to sneak)...oh, my.

    I'm trying to explain to mother in law that he's a brilliant man who is losing his brain, but also knows that it is happening. It's very frustrating to him. Hunting/fishing/politics are his passions and he's seeing them slipping away.

    It ended up with me going to father in law's house and making the smack down. "father in law...you WILL NOT HOLD A GUN ANYMORE. Get it? You will not drive at night anymore. Don't make me be mom. You won't like it. I don't even drive anymore so get over it. Don't make me take your car keys. We'll go have lunch or something instead." He just looked at me and chuckled and said, ok.

    Nicest guy on earth...I love him to death. Probably one of the only reasons I am staying here.

    It stinks getting old.

  2. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    You can shoot turkeys with more than one person! Go get ya some camo, Abbey. Maybe there's your next adventure.

    Otherwise, hugs. I've watched 3 people in my family go the route of alzheimers, and it hoovers bigger than the dam. I'm so sorry.
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator


    I understand completely. I'm glad that father in law complied with you about the gun. My father suffered from Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD) and had frequent coughing fits. He nearly blacked out while driving one day. I was very grateful that he decided that very day not to drive any more.

    But I needed to strong arm him out of his apartment a few years later. I closed up his apartment while he was hospitalized. He went into a nursing home for rehab... the county wanted to set him up in another apartment. I had to take out the photos I took of his apartment to demonstrate the squalor in which he lived. He ended up going to assisted living instead.

    Parenting your parents is not for the meek.
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so glad he listened to you. It couldn't have been easy to do what you had to do. Hugs.
  5. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    While husband went turkey hunting with the guns for the real live one, difficult child went bowling. That afternoon at the bowling alley, difficult child exclaimed, "It is turkey season!" He hunted his bowling turkey and came close with some shots but ended up wounding it (our version of two strikes in a row). Never did bring it in that day!

    husband came home empty handed as well!

    I like the idea of you taking father in law - if even with a camera instead of a gun? He can be the guide. That would be so cool to get a picture of a turkey that father in law led you to.
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I remember having to take my moms car. It was horrible. I disabled something inside the car and told her the state disabled the car from an office downtown because her doctor sent in paperwork saying she was disabled. It made her car now work when she sat in the front seat and tried to use her keys.....LOL. It worked when I tried because it took my picture and sent it in. Good thing she was demented.

    Oh she moaned and groaned over how mean the government was to take her rights away and how she was going to write her congressman. Yeah...you do that. She wrote her congressman for everything!
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry you are in that situation, but very glad he listens to you.

    When my adopted gpa had alzheimers he would get a notion to do something and would NOT let it go. Everyone in the family tried to talk him out of it.

    I went in (knowing that to actually even attempt the activity would be very dangerous) and convinced him we had just done it the week before. Worked like a charm - when I did it. Not so much when his wife tried.

    I also convinced him it was HIS idea to go to the nursing home from the hospital. NOT easy to do, but it made his last weeks happier because he convinced himself that he chose the place. I hated the lying, but it was in his best interests.
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I got lucky with mother in law. She made the decision to stop driving when I pointed out to her that she no longer seemed to notice 4 way stop signs. I also got lucky when it came to the fact that she was unable to return home after this fall. I've never lied to the woman, I've always told her straight up, no matter how bad the news. So she knew when I told her going home couldn't happen, that I was being honest. So she didn't fight me on it.

    Getting older hoovers. Being so darn old that your days are filled with horrendous pain and you can no longer enjoy anything.......hoovers to the max. mother in law prays to die but is too afraid to let go. Breaks my heart.

    Maybe you can get father in law interested in photographing what he used to hunt. Hunting them in a newer, safer way? Then he wouldn't have to give it up just yet. He'd just have to hunt when someone could be with him.

    Glad he cooperated. Scary thought. No wonder mother in law was in tears.

  9. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Part of the big problem is driving. They have a cabin in 'the woods,' as they call it near Green Bay. It's about an hour and a half away on country back roads. H works nearly every day and we can't afford for him to take time off. father in law should NOT be driving, but he risks it every day. I can drive, but it's very frightening for me. I had an event last week where I had to drive up that way and nearly had a heart attack driving home in the dark.

    I like the idea of doing photography instead of shooting...just have to figure out how to get him up there. mother in law is very involved in several civic organizations in Milwaukee, which means she is gone for days at a time. She always lets me know when she is going to be gone so I can check up on father in law. Yesterday she said she didn't want me to get a job so I could watch him. Now I guess the next level is convincing her that she may need to curtail her activities to help out.

    Yesterday when I went over to chat with him, he's out in the garage waving and says, "Hey Deb! Don't turn on anything in the house. I'm working on the electricity." Oh, great. He's got wires everywhere, cutting here and there. He used to be an electrician, but when he gets in the middle of a project he makes silly mistakes these days (like shooting the guy in the foot). I could just see him electrocuting himself.

    Yeah, parenting a parent is not fun.

  10. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    I'm sorry. Watching a loved one with alzheimer's is so hard. My father's mother had it. My grandfather was proud of the fact that he worked for the same company for all of his adult life. He never wanted to retire. When my grandmother couldn't be left home alone, he began working half days and having the neighbor's in their apartment complex check on my grandmother.

    It was so sad. She had no idea who I was. I had a very difficult time visiting her. Sometimes she was a bit more together. On those days, she used to think I was her daughter, my mother or one of her other granddaughters.

    I also really like the idea of trading a gun for a camera. I hope you find some way to make this work. Also, I think you're right - You have to find a way to make your mother in law realize that she needs to be home more. You can't always be available.

    For so many people, aging takes lots of strength and courage... Too bad it has to be this way... WFEN
  11. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I was very interested this moring on GMA to listen to Maria Schriver about alzheimers. There is apparently a website /project through HBO about it. Kids are taking a notice and writing about it in their own way.

    Abbey - I know you think this is nuts but go to the news portion of this site and find my video post on help for autism with that exercise - grabbing each ear lobe and bending at the knees for 5 minutes. It's helping my Mom tremendously with memory retention - and hey - it's 5 minutes.

    I see where you mother in law is thinking you need to not get a job so she can keep running - (Shrug) well, if she pays as good as a job - why not? You could still write and maybe take your father in law to the cabin and have a lovely place to commune - he could fish.

    Maybe you could advertise for someone in Craigslist to go fishing - have a vacation day at the cabin - if they'll drive you both? Has to be some other elder person who would love to get out and go and do - and can drive - just has no where to go.

    My grandmother had alzheimers and I saw what it did to my poor Mom in the fact that you do, do, do and they don't remember you day to day. My gma remembered me though I was told she wouldn't. But then I had about 20 minutes of conversation with her that was clear as crystal...and the rest of the time watching her carry out what she told me she wanted to do - JUST GO.

    I hope this project helps raise awareness for this disease. Dementia just is such a horrible way to exist.

    Hugs for you my friend.
  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Alzheimers will absolutely break your heart. I am so not looking forward to it. My mom remembered her dog but she didnt remember she ever had a baby. She remembered Ronald Reagan but she couldnt remember me even when I got out pictures. It was sad. When 9/11 happened she thought it was WWII again.

    She was always filling up her purse with the silverware and leaving the house and trying to head down the road "going home". Some days we had to have the boys sleep in front of the doors. She hated for the boys to have friends over and she would put her fingers in her ears and stick her tongue out at them like she was three...lol. That was hilarious. We had to put child locks on the cabinets and fridge so she couldnt raid it because she would eat stuff she shouldnt eat. Gosh...bad memories...lol.
  13. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    This is only an observation but when you're dealign with dementia you take your chuckles where you can get them because it's IS a debilitating disease and it will wear you down.

    Seen on the board today : Post 1

    father in law challenge.

    Under that? Post 2


    Deb - sorry you know I care about your INLAWS......but I thought YOU could use a chuckle.

    (oh WHY Does she say these things?) :surprise:
  14. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Oh, my mind was lost a LONG time ago.:tongue: