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General Parenting
Fearful that my difficult child has become the Identified Patient
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 625910" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>My difficult child's history is partly similar to yours. He too was difficult from day one. It started with a colic that went on and on and new issues, new battles, new challenges just kept coming. We were warned about this phenomenon first time when we were in parenting therapy when he was five or six. They didn't call it 'identified patient', but that was what we were warned about. We tried to avoid it, but like in everything else in parenting, our success were short and our failures common. So it has been ongoing problem all that time. still is.</p><p></p><p>It is so very easy to blame squeaking wheel for every bump in the road. And it does have huge negative influence both the black sheep but also 'white sheep.' While my easy child is a good kid, compassionate, loving, tries to be fair and all that, the misplaced feelings of superiority are not attractive features. Neither are entitled tantrums or moral outrage, when live happens and 'the black sheep's' strengths start to show and he occasionally outshines the 'white sheep.'</p><p></p><p>Sibling issues when one kid is a difficult child can be really difficult. It is so very difficult, or more truthfully, impossible to keep the situation fair to all kids. And also so very easy to blame the problem kid for actual adult issues. </p><p></p><p>Unfortunately in your situation it may be incredibly difficult, or impossible to make your ex and his wife to see their part in this. And it coming from you will likely not help at all. Maybe it would be wiser for you not to talk with them about this issue but rather try to get the therapists to address it?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 625910, member: 14557"] My difficult child's history is partly similar to yours. He too was difficult from day one. It started with a colic that went on and on and new issues, new battles, new challenges just kept coming. We were warned about this phenomenon first time when we were in parenting therapy when he was five or six. They didn't call it 'identified patient', but that was what we were warned about. We tried to avoid it, but like in everything else in parenting, our success were short and our failures common. So it has been ongoing problem all that time. still is. It is so very easy to blame squeaking wheel for every bump in the road. And it does have huge negative influence both the black sheep but also 'white sheep.' While my easy child is a good kid, compassionate, loving, tries to be fair and all that, the misplaced feelings of superiority are not attractive features. Neither are entitled tantrums or moral outrage, when live happens and 'the black sheep's' strengths start to show and he occasionally outshines the 'white sheep.' Sibling issues when one kid is a difficult child can be really difficult. It is so very difficult, or more truthfully, impossible to keep the situation fair to all kids. And also so very easy to blame the problem kid for actual adult issues. Unfortunately in your situation it may be incredibly difficult, or impossible to make your ex and his wife to see their part in this. And it coming from you will likely not help at all. Maybe it would be wiser for you not to talk with them about this issue but rather try to get the therapists to address it? [/QUOTE]
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