2 of 70,079 Our last minute surprise TG visit from our son age 21 ended up to be nothing short of a disaster last 2 visits were not great but #3 has confirmed that it may very well be the last. (In past 5 years he would only visit during winterbreak) Started TG early evening - we went to a film. When it ended I commented to Stefan that it confused me -I didnt understand it Son did not reply. I repeated my comment -again no reply. Finally I asked "Why are you not answering me? He snapped back "loud and very angry "How come you go through you entire life never understand anything? " WHAT? I thought I was going to have a heart attack . In an attempt to keep peace I did not respond, and decided to be pleasant while we looked for a restaurant . After ordering dinner, son revealed that he does not like us explaining that it is "nothing in particular that we have done - just that he feel comfortable with us". Also said that he is friendly with a few kids who never speak to their parents. ( it seemed as if he was envious) As the tears streamed down my face, I felt like challenging him, but instead remained silent with growing rapid heartbeat and break. The next 3 days we hardly saw him.He'd leave at 9am and return at 11pm. On his last night he came in at 11- Ray and I had our door ajar hearing him shuffling around . With each passing moment it became clearer to me that he was going to leave and not say goodbye. With my heart breaking, I stepped into the living room and with- cracking voice asked "Son, were you going to say goodbye ? He looked up from his phone and said loud and sarcastic " Goodbye" I asked him if he wanted to say goodbye to his father. With an eyeroll he walked into our bedroom - another sarcastic "Goodbye" He left in the early am with no thank you or goodbye note (not that I expected one ) I was expecting at TG to hear something like " I know we had our challenges but in spite of all look at me. I'm so lucky to have graduated top college with a 100% academic scholarship and graduated with ZERO debt and with- a job that I love in a top tech company and an enviable salary. Life is great! Thanks for all you guys did to help me get here." Instead of Thank you, we got F. you, Sorry I just don't like you. During his short time in the apt I had zero success in each and every attempt to try to have conversation . When he awoke I asked if he slept well. He responded "not really. " When he saw that I had filled the fridge with his favorite vegan foods he commented "I hope that you know I am not going to be eating here" He also managed to mock me bc I am not as informed about coding as he yet he forgets that it was his mom who years back who introduced him to coding knowing that it would benefit him. Son never texted to tell us he arrived home in SF. (he used to do that in past) I received one text from him days later ONLY bc he needed something. He texted " I left my jacket . Will you please send it ? At this point, I am unsure if I want any communication with- him but texted back "Yes I will send it. " (which I did an hour later) Sons next text. "Thanks mom. Sending love and warm thoughts" WHAT ? Why are you sending love after you have basically spit in our faces? I have not responded, but with each passing day my resentment grows. I don't know who he is. He was a warm, caring and kind pleasure to raise who never went to sleep without coming to the foot of our bed saying "Im going to sleep now, love you. " I can no longer speak with my husband about this bc we fight. Ray feels that this is normal and I certainly do NOT agree. I do not want to have a stroke or heart attack so I have decided it is best for me to discuss with others. I've come to realize that whatever it is that is resulting in his vile behavior is not going away any time soon. After much thought my feelings are that while our relationship is acceptable from the distance,something triggers when he sees us . I think he's repulsed by seeing "old" parents. And, frustrated knowing that he is smarter than we are. He has zero tolerance and becomes infuriated with any question that I ask and seems to get a sick thrill out of being verbally abusive. He is resentful that we are low income but he is not. He has started his first job with a sign on bonus that is more $$ than we have in savings. Of course it's hard to speculate on the unknown. His birthday is end of Dec and I want to ask your opinion.In past he would be home for winter break, so I'd give him his gifts. After the recent visit it is obvious he will not be here so I'm deciding among the following. A- Ignore his birthday . Do nothing . (let him wonder why for the first time I am not acknowledging) B. Do the least possible. "Happy Birthday" in a text. Nothing more. Not even my usual " Love, mom" C. Snail mail a card and write the following" Happy Birthday !!. Having you for a son is definitely the best thing that has ever happened to me. Just thinking of your unending love, and kindness, brightens my days. I am truly grateful for being so blessed." (He has such a swelled head, I'm unsure he will get the sarcasm) D. write him a letter from my heart revealing how very much he has hurt us . While I lean towards D, his behavior is so bizarre that I doubt he'll care and or even understand. He is in his own "everything is about me and my needs" world in Silicon Valley. He is my only child and my heart is shattered.