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<blockquote data-quote="HopingForTheBest" data-source="post: 724903" data-attributes="member: 22586"><p>Hi, Holly - I'm new to the group myself. I believe my soon-to-be 18 y/o son has ASPD (antisocial personality disorder). His father has traits of it but has never been diagnosed. </p><p></p><p>So, while I'm still learning to navigate these waters with my son, I've already mastered it with his father (divorced 6 yrs). With that, here's the best advice that was ever given to me: Detach. You can love him at a distance, but don't be enmeshed. Based on my experience, I would also add: Don't try to show them how they've hurt you, either with direct pleas or indirectly with passive aggression. It will not make you feel better, and it will not create for him that "a-ha" moment you're hoping he'll one day have. In fact, it just makes them see you as more pathetic. In my case, anything beyond instilling Vulcan-like boundaries is seen as pathetic.</p><p></p><p>You haven't mentioned anything about any kind of mental illness diagnoses or evaluations. I'm curious to know if there's a history there (with him or with family). Truly, this could just be him being a punk. Either way, the above advice still stands. </p><p></p><p>So, as it relates to his upcoming birthday (which appears to be the same as my nearly 18 y/o's - end of Dec), do whatever makes <strong><u>you</u></strong> feel best. But do it because you want to, not because you hope it will initiate some kind of change in him. It will not.</p><p></p><p>Sending you love and strength, from one Vulcan mama to another.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="HopingForTheBest, post: 724903, member: 22586"] Hi, Holly - I'm new to the group myself. I believe my soon-to-be 18 y/o son has ASPD (antisocial personality disorder). His father has traits of it but has never been diagnosed. So, while I'm still learning to navigate these waters with my son, I've already mastered it with his father (divorced 6 yrs). With that, here's the best advice that was ever given to me: Detach. You can love him at a distance, but don't be enmeshed. Based on my experience, I would also add: Don't try to show them how they've hurt you, either with direct pleas or indirectly with passive aggression. It will not make you feel better, and it will not create for him that "a-ha" moment you're hoping he'll one day have. In fact, it just makes them see you as more pathetic. In my case, anything beyond instilling Vulcan-like boundaries is seen as pathetic. You haven't mentioned anything about any kind of mental illness diagnoses or evaluations. I'm curious to know if there's a history there (with him or with family). Truly, this could just be him being a punk. Either way, the above advice still stands. So, as it relates to his upcoming birthday (which appears to be the same as my nearly 18 y/o's - end of Dec), do whatever makes [B][U]you[/U][/B] feel best. But do it because you want to, not because you hope it will initiate some kind of change in him. It will not. Sending you love and strength, from one Vulcan mama to another. [/QUOTE]
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