I was a picky eater as a kid and have very strong memories of what it was like to be made to eat what everyone else was eating, when it was something I hated. Also, we were poor and my mother would 'hide' certain foods or disguise them. I learnt to be very distrustful of stews and soups. There are some foods (such as brawn) which I refuse to touch to this day. I have horrible memories of cold, wobbly, burnt rice pudding "I cut the burnt bits off, you can hardly taste it" or of sour milk, when my nose could tell if the milk was sour and my mother insisted it was perfectly alright even when you could see it curdling.
However, my faddiness is nothing compared to the kids'.
I've said before in another thread - if you try to clash heads with an Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) child, YOU WILL LOSE. Avoid confroontation, do not engage in any battle you're not certain you will win.
Find another way around. It can be done.
What we have done - we give way on food choices, when it's texture-related (or clerly Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) in some form). This meant that we had several combinations of Jack Spratt and his wife - difficult child 3 wont touch anything with acreamy texture, easy child 2/difficult child 2 won't eat anything that ISN'T creamy. She won't eat anything with "bits" in it. Unless they are choc bits. So I stopped making biscuits because easy child 2/difficult child 2 would make such a loud fuss about my bisucits with nuts, that nobody else would eat them either and they would go stale.
So we've had separate meals for the kids to a certain extent, because it has been easier. In these modern days of freezers and microwave ovens, it really isn't too difficult to have a range of choices for each person.
However, long-term tis isn't good for them. Plus when we were travelling, it was more of a hassle.
So the trick began for us with SIL1, when we were all travelling around NZ two and a half years ago. It was winter, cold and comfort food was t he order of the day. NZ food tends to be sweeter, about 50% good quality meat and the rest is fresh vegetables of various sweeter varieties, especially kumara. The Asians eat rice, the Kiwis eat kumara.
difficult child 3 wanted bolognese. He would live on it if he could. He eats it as spaghetti bolognese, he has his own version of nachos he makes with it. He will eat roast chicken but without gravy. He will eat salad sandwiches (although they're not really a winter food).
But here we were in a different country and half the fun is trying different food. We explained this to difficult child 3, explained that we were exploring the food of the country as much as the places to look at and some of the things he was refusing, he was risking missing out on a treat. Why not try this local chocolate? What about sampling the local honey?
We would go out to eat at a restaurant, and we really didn't have a lot of control over what exactly they did with the food. Between us, we managed. difficult child 3 would generally try to order chicken nuggets because that was just about all he would eat.
But it was SIL1's genius that helped. Armed by a bribe (usually the promise of difficult child 1's favourite dessert - vanilla ice cream scoops with strawberry or chocolate sauce) we would ask difficult child 3 to taste something. He only had to have a tiny taste, not a mouthful. Far less than a bite. In case he didn't like it we had a glass of what he liked to drink, ready. So if he really hated it, he could take a quick swig of his drink and rinse his mouth out with it (swallow, not spit).
The rule was - have a taste. have a sip of your drink if you don't like it.
NOW - tell us what you liked about it, and what you didn't like about it. Say three things about it. Think about what you need to say.
WHat this was getting round, was the automatic "I don't like it!" from difficult child 3, simply because something was new or different. We were careful to not insist he taste something that was on the "banned because of texture" list.
The outcome - difficult child 3 began trying more foods, especially once he realised that SIL1 was going to insist; that he (difficult child 3) didn't have to have a full bite but just a small taste; that talking about what he liked or disliked about something was OK and actually quite helpful.
By the time we got to a cheese factory on South Island, difficult child 3 was willing to try the cheeses. We knew to avoid the softer cheeses but asked him to try the various cheddar styles. We know difficult child 3 happens to like strongly flavoured sharp cheeses so we directed him to those and he discovered that trying new things can be fun. He also discovered that his personal ban on creamy textures could be ignored for things like fudge. So he began to taste test various fudges, and asked us to buy fudge.
Further outcome - by the end of the trip, difficult child 3 was ordering meals in the rstaurant with a discussion with the waiter. "I don't want anything creamy, I also don't want mashed potato or mashed kumara; what do you recommend?" and after negotiation, being served the largest meal in the house - a steak overflowing the plate covering up roast vegetables (including roast kumara) and some chips (aka fat fries) and some green beans. SIL1 had the same steak but with a mushrooom sauce - difficult child 3 had negotiated away the mushroom sauce because he doesn't like mushrooms and doesn't like sauces.
difficult child 3 ate the lot, and still had room for his ice cream!
Oh, and favourite drink got changed too - difficult child 1 discovered lemon, lime and bitters in NZ. He'd tasted his sister's and realised he liked it a lot. Now he orders it every time we eat out.
So the trick is - get him to have a tiny taste, with a drink handy to wash away any tastes he doesn't like, and then talk about what he liked or didn't like about what he tasted.
That information he gives you can also be valuable. It's also valuable for him, because he gets in touch with his own reasons for liking/not liking something.
Marg
