feeding off each other....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by nateisnuts, Jul 18, 2008.

  1. nateisnuts

    nateisnuts New Member

    This is probably a pretty ovious question but im gonna ask anyways. Little bit of info....we live on the same property as my parents, the previous owners converted a garage structure in the back into a little cottage. so my mom/dad/bro/sis are around all the time, many times a day. now my bro is bi polar and my sis has alot of issues, shes very mildly mr..16 but probably about 10 maybe 12 in maturity Know what I mean?? she has anxiety issues and she is very very odd. now..my difficult child LOVES his aunt and uncle to pieces and wants them around all the time. the problem is that when they, especially my sister are around he is much harder to handle, acts out more, is more aggresive, has more tantrums, because, i think anyways, he is feeding off of some of her issues and sees the way she doesnt act right and gets away with stuff, has fits (yes at 16) like you wouldnt believe! we are trying to include her in some of his therapy, trying to teach her what techniques we want to use and different ways to handle him. but its very hard, im really not sure its all sinking in Know what I mean?? the past 2 days she wasnt around much and i saw a bit of a difference in him. now seperating them, or not allowing her down here is not an option. i have a chronic illness and they are my help when my hubby is at work. so difficult child's therapist is helping some, or trying anyways lol my sister also has a tss aide who is trying to help. so my rock and a hard place is this....i KNOW she has her own issues, i understand, but now my difficult child has HIS own issues also so what can i do to make this work better? telling her the same thing 1000 times is not working lol i try to catch her when i see her winding up.....just need a few ideas, if anyone has any, to help me make this work better. :confused:
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Would it help to limit the times of the visit? Explain to your family that difficult child loves to have them around however, he gets overstimulated easily and too much of a good thing is proving to be too difficult for him to process. Let them know that you also love their visits, however, to make life easier for difficult child, can you work out a schedule?

    Have you noticed how long it takes for him to start acting out? Maybe adding some structure to the visits for difficult child? Have set snack and meal times and perhaps quiet times. These may be an easy way for the visit to end or for all to settle down and start over?

    Maybe a more structured visitation. When aunt/uncle come over, you may play a board game or play catch? If they are coming up with their own fun, there may be some disagreements? Maybe difficult child was looking forward to a certain activity but aunt/uncle decided not to participate. Then difficult child will be very disappointed. I know my difficult child gets upset if guests don't want to do what he planned.

    I don't know - it is sometimes very difficult to get the other person to understand that you are not angry but you have noticed that it is getting too much for difficult child and you need to do what is best for him. Their visits must get frustrating for them also when he starts feeding on them? This may make for more enjoyable visits for everyone?
  3. nateisnuts

    nateisnuts New Member

    i was thinking that too, maybe pick 1 of his toys, like his blocks or puzzles or something and they can do that when they come down. thank you for the input hun, i think im gonna try to come up with a soft schedule, certain times of the day when they can come see the boys, see if that makes a difference.