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feel bad about difficult child tonight
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<blockquote data-quote="mattsmom27" data-source="post: 37165" data-attributes="member: 50"><p>I just went through this the other day with difficult child. Since he's been living home he's been doing really well, my heart swells with pride in his massive changes. He does however have remaining issues with school (he hates going). Well Monday he woke up NASTY and wasn't swearing but his tone and attitude was way out of line and upsetting to me and to easy child. Lunch time he came home (he does every day) and refused to go back. I was calm, not happy but calm, refused to excuse him not being there by calling him in as away for day. Said "natural consequences tomorrow, your problem and I will support schools consequences" etc. Tuesday he woke up NASTY again. Made up excuse that his knee hurt so bad he couldn't walk to school. Having no car, he knew that I couldn't drive him there. I didn't excuse that either. By lunch time I had told him he was returning after lunch to school as obviously nothing wrong with his knee. He agreed. Next you know he's sleeping in his bed and refusing to leave to go to school. I snapped and told him "I am NOT dealing with your attitude PERIOD. This is day 2 of this and I am F'ing sick of it so get your <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> off that bed this second and get your stuff and get to bloody school". I actually didn't tell him, i didn't scream and yell, but my voice was raised and VERY ticked off. Thankfully he did go.</p><p>Well he got home and I apologized for speaking that way to him, especially inappropriate language. I also told him that doesnt mean that it is okay to do what you are doing, it is FAR from okay, completely unacceptable. i told him I apologized because I have no more right than he does to speak that way to anyone, but not apologizing for the point of the message. difficult child got it. I told him I am owed the same respect that he has a right to as a young man. He then shocked me and said I was right and apologized to me in return. So far no more attitude all week. He actually told me that when the teachers are out of line with him and disrespectul and make him feel degraded, he wishes they would apologize to him for that too, he says (and I believe he really means it too) that if adults were to apologize for degrading teens/kids when angry for kids being out of line, he really believes he (and other kids) would have alot more respect for adults/persons in positions of power.</p><p>Don't beat yourself up. We are human and sometimes I think our kids need to realize that first hand. I think they forget we are just people too, like them, with feelings as well. A simple apology for reacting the way you did in my mind is all you should do, while not negating difficult child's behaviour. It happens. To all of us. I'm sure it will happen with me again, actually I know it will. We all have our limits. </p><p></p><p>Melissa</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mattsmom27, post: 37165, member: 50"] I just went through this the other day with difficult child. Since he's been living home he's been doing really well, my heart swells with pride in his massive changes. He does however have remaining issues with school (he hates going). Well Monday he woke up NASTY and wasn't swearing but his tone and attitude was way out of line and upsetting to me and to easy child. Lunch time he came home (he does every day) and refused to go back. I was calm, not happy but calm, refused to excuse him not being there by calling him in as away for day. Said "natural consequences tomorrow, your problem and I will support schools consequences" etc. Tuesday he woke up NASTY again. Made up excuse that his knee hurt so bad he couldn't walk to school. Having no car, he knew that I couldn't drive him there. I didn't excuse that either. By lunch time I had told him he was returning after lunch to school as obviously nothing wrong with his knee. He agreed. Next you know he's sleeping in his bed and refusing to leave to go to school. I snapped and told him "I am NOT dealing with your attitude PERIOD. This is day 2 of this and I am F'ing sick of it so get your :censored: off that bed this second and get your stuff and get to bloody school". I actually didn't tell him, i didn't scream and yell, but my voice was raised and VERY ticked off. Thankfully he did go. Well he got home and I apologized for speaking that way to him, especially inappropriate language. I also told him that doesnt mean that it is okay to do what you are doing, it is FAR from okay, completely unacceptable. i told him I apologized because I have no more right than he does to speak that way to anyone, but not apologizing for the point of the message. difficult child got it. I told him I am owed the same respect that he has a right to as a young man. He then shocked me and said I was right and apologized to me in return. So far no more attitude all week. He actually told me that when the teachers are out of line with him and disrespectul and make him feel degraded, he wishes they would apologize to him for that too, he says (and I believe he really means it too) that if adults were to apologize for degrading teens/kids when angry for kids being out of line, he really believes he (and other kids) would have alot more respect for adults/persons in positions of power. Don't beat yourself up. We are human and sometimes I think our kids need to realize that first hand. I think they forget we are just people too, like them, with feelings as well. A simple apology for reacting the way you did in my mind is all you should do, while not negating difficult child's behaviour. It happens. To all of us. I'm sure it will happen with me again, actually I know it will. We all have our limits. Melissa [/QUOTE]
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