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Parent Emeritus
Feel Guilty for kicking out 22 y/o Son
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 624108" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Welcome, luv. We have been where you are, now. You did the right thing. I hope with all my heart that the shock of having been made to leave brings your son to his senses. </p><p></p><p>I am so sorry this is happening, to all of you.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I think that guilt is a piece of what you are feeling, luv. But in addition to the guilt that comes with making a choice and wondering whether it was the right one luv, you have yourself been repeatedly traumatized.</p><p></p><p>The terminated pregnancy was your first grandchild. It isn't only your son who is in shock, who has experienced a horrifying loss. You, too, have lost the dream of that first grandchild, of how that would all look and feel.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry, luv. This in itself is a deep and terrible grief.</p><p></p><p>Within days of that trauma, your son went into an uncontrollable rage which was directed primarily at you. During the outburst, he targeted your vulnerability over the issue of divorce, blaming and traumatizing you further.</p><p></p><p>Though I know you cannot see it now luv, it took courage to face your son's problems without flinching. You have been kind, and very brave, in talking to him as you did, and in insisting that he leave your home.</p><p></p><p>There had to be a consequence for his behaviors. </p><p></p><p>You did nothing wrong here, luv.</p><p></p><p>It is the situation that is wrong.</p><p></p><p>It will be helpful to you to spend time with your family, now. Each of your daughters has been traumatized and is suffering that same strange, disbelieving kind of grief we experience when someone we love seems bent of self destruction. </p><p></p><p>Please post as often as that feels right. I find posting helps me find my feet, again. </p><p></p><p>We need more strength than we possess to face what is happening to our children, luv. </p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 624108, member: 17461"] Welcome, luv. We have been where you are, now. You did the right thing. I hope with all my heart that the shock of having been made to leave brings your son to his senses. I am so sorry this is happening, to all of you. I think that guilt is a piece of what you are feeling, luv. But in addition to the guilt that comes with making a choice and wondering whether it was the right one luv, you have yourself been repeatedly traumatized. The terminated pregnancy was your first grandchild. It isn't only your son who is in shock, who has experienced a horrifying loss. You, too, have lost the dream of that first grandchild, of how that would all look and feel. I am so sorry, luv. This in itself is a deep and terrible grief. Within days of that trauma, your son went into an uncontrollable rage which was directed primarily at you. During the outburst, he targeted your vulnerability over the issue of divorce, blaming and traumatizing you further. Though I know you cannot see it now luv, it took courage to face your son's problems without flinching. You have been kind, and very brave, in talking to him as you did, and in insisting that he leave your home. There had to be a consequence for his behaviors. You did nothing wrong here, luv. It is the situation that is wrong. It will be helpful to you to spend time with your family, now. Each of your daughters has been traumatized and is suffering that same strange, disbelieving kind of grief we experience when someone we love seems bent of self destruction. Please post as often as that feels right. I find posting helps me find my feet, again. We need more strength than we possess to face what is happening to our children, luv. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Feel Guilty for kicking out 22 y/o Son
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